My 15 year old nephew....?

Question

Firstly, I am 22 years old, my 15 year old nephew stays round my place twice a week. I am a bit concerned about him because I am almost 100% sure he is getting bullied, he came to mine the other day after school but he didn't eat anything, he didn't say much, he was just lying there with his ipod listening to music. Later that evening i went into the spare room where he was sleeping and he was lying on the bed crying.
I have actually witnessed some other boys his age pushing him around and bullying him.
Whenever i tried talking to him, he just shouted 'I'm not in the mood to talk leave me alone' or ' Go away'. My boyfriend tried to talk to him aswel and he did the same thing.

Answer 1

I wasn't very popular when I was in school and I had very few friends. I wasn't bullied cause I was a big kid but I was heckled allot. I'm not sure if getting the school involved is a good idea cause if this kid is like I was and is shy and has social problems then the last thing he would want is to draw attention to himself. Getting the bullies in trouble might stop the physical bullying but these bullies would still heckle and make fun of the boy and it would probably get worse. Your nephew I'm sure is aware of this which explains his reluctance to confide in anyone.

When I was your nephew's age my school guidance counselor set me up in a big brother program and for the limited time I was in that it had a positive effect on me. I think your nephew could benefit from a male role model/mentor. Perhaps your boyfriend could try to bond with the boy by doing some activities together like throwing a football, biking, hiking, playing video games, etc. If your nephew is shy and has social issues then he needs something to help build his self esteem and confidence. My suggestion above would be a start and if self defense or Karate classes are known to build self confidence then maybe someone could enroll him in something like that.

Answer 2

There is no doubt that something is going on question is how do you reach him. Both you and your boyfriend (sometimes a mans view is actually important) have dinner together. Start talking about generic things and even problems going on in your life finances family, job etc and bring him into the conversation for opinion etc. In other words get him involved with your life so he feels like part of not only the problems but the solutions he will then be more likely to feel that as a team you can help with his. Gaining trust and not being the boss but a part of a team or an advisor is the end result.

Answer 3

He's a sad kid. Either his main problem (dont mean to sound rude) could be bullying as you suspect or possibly something you have no clue about. Maybe a girl he really likes turned him down or was a jerk to him or perhaps he and his friends are having a problem. Maybe the pressure of school is affecting him.

If he is being bullied he definatly wont tell anyone. You need to find someone he really looks up to. I'm surprised he doesn't talk to your b/f but maybe he doesn't like him. But if you can find someone your nephew looks up to, that person will be able to atleast give him advice on what to do about things. But dont focus on it being bullying because he may get upset.

Answer 4

sign him up for karate lessons. Just take him over there and let him watch for a while to get him interested first.

Otherwise, call the police station, find out when they offer self-defense classes and drive him over.

Also, is there a boxing studio around? Perhaps he could learn to box.

You know, he also no doubt has some social skills problems, which is why he doesn't have friends and why he therefore is a target for bullies. What's the deal with his father? Is he around? Sounds like his dad isn't very involved with him.

Could your boyfriend invite him to something guys do, like fishing or something? Perhaps if they bonded some, they could develop a rapport and your nephew could confide in him.

Answer 5

Have you discussed the situation with his parents? If they can afford it, you might suggest getting him into some therapy. It must be a humiliating experience for him, which is probably why he doesn't want to talk about it. He should talk to someone though, and it might be easier if it's someone he doesn't know. Maybe, you could speak to someone at his school, like the principal. Bullying should not be tolerated by anyone.

Answer 6

He's 15 so his response to you and your boyfriend is to be expected especially if he's having a tough time at this age. My suggestion would to be to approach him when everything is good and he's happy and let him know that you love him and that you want him to feel free to talk to you or your boyfriend (let him make the offer himself) when and if he needs to. Let him decide to come to you. The only other thing I would suggest maybe doing is finding opportunities to express your anger and frustrations in life to him (appropriate ones for his age) to maybe help him feel more connected to you in that way as well as role model for him that having those feelings and finding ways to cope with them is an appropriate thing for him to do a not only a young adult but as a man (your boyfriend will be most helpful with this if he's up to doing the work).

Answer 7

Tell his parents what you've observed and suspect, as well as his reaction. Let them deal with it. They are in a position to go to the school and inquire, as well as arrange for counseling. Schools are very concerned about bullying after all the school shootings, and should respond strongly
In the meantime, you can assure the kid that you are there any time he wants to talk.

Answer 8

self-defense classes. they're fun, inexpensive and they'll boost his self-esteem.