Our Wedding Dilemma... please help??!?!?

Question

My fiancee's cousin has made her a bridesmaid in her wedding. In fact, all of the bridesmaids are cousins of the bride. Our wedding will take place next August and my fiancee feels bad because she has already chosen her bridesmaids and NONE of them are family. They consist of friends who were there for her at some point throughout the good and bad times of our relationship. She says she would like her family to have SOMEthing to do at our wedding but she feels as though they don't really belong in the bridal party. Also adding fuel to the fire, is the fact that 2 of her 3 brothers will most likely be groomsmen. In my personal opinion, she shouldn't feel bad because these chicks don't even know my first name but I do understand why she feels bad.

So what do you think is the remedy to this situation? Should my fiancee feed bad? Is there something they could do at the wedding that will make everyone happy?

Keep in mind, a male cousin was accidently left out and his mother caused a scene at the rehearsal for him to be added. My fiancee doesn't want anything like this to happen.

Answer 1

There are other activities they could arrange for the wedding ceremony or reception. I'd put them in charge of that instead of trying to add them to the bridal party and I agree that the bridal party should be people that you both know and care about. If I included family instead of friends I'd likely turn into a bridezilla because they'd be complaining about everything as they always do.

Answer 2

I can understand why she feels badly, but she shouldn't. The wedding day is all about the bride and groom. NOT relatives or friends, etc....yes, it's nice when all of them can be involved, but not always possible and not always the wishes of the bride and groom. She should feel good about including those people who are close to her.....family or not. The bridesmaids are supposed to be those closest to the bride and the same with the groom. My son got married and none of the bridesmaids or groomsmen were family. They were friends who were very important in their lives. Myself and the mother of the bride lit candles before the ceremony and other family members helped with the food/reception. We took care of all that so that the newly wed couple could celebrate the occassion.......and that meant more than anything. Like I said......please tell her to not feel badly....she shouldn't. The whole point of that day was their happiness and memories of a meaningful wedding. And as the mother of the groom, all I cared about was getting to see how happy they were and if I helped make that happen, then that's all I needed. It was a wonderful, happy occassion and we still look at those pictures and get smiles on our faces.

Answer 3

Perhaps your fiancee can ask some family members to do readings during the ceremony? She could have a cousin be the guest book attendant. Another cousin could pass out programs or bubbles.

Here is a site where she can look at different readings, both religious and secular ones.
http://www.todays-weddings.com/planning/readings.html

Regarding what you have added about drama at the rehearsal: The only people needed at the rehearsal are officiant, bride, groom, and members of the wedding party. Parents and grandparents may also attend. There is no need to have all your aunts and cousins there, if they are not members of the wedding party. Avoid drama. Just don't invite them to your rehearsal if they are not participating in the ceremony.

Answer 4

Wow. I understand both sides. On the one hand, it's smart to chose family b/c regardless she will always be your cousin--whereas friends you might have a falling out with later and look back on the pictures wishing she wasnt there.

On the other hand, it's stupid to be a bridesmaid for someone if you don't even know the groom.

Your finacee shouldn't feel bad. She was free to chose her bridesmaids just as her cousin was. Just b/c her cousin chose her doesn't mean she has to chose her cousin. In fact--from the point of those cousins--if 2 of my cousins were getting married in one year, I'd be quite grateful if I only had to buy one bridesmaids dress, one pair of shoes, and didn't have to commit to 2 weddings in one year.

Her brothers should be groomsmen. If she has sisters they should be bridesmaids. Cousins however are different and should not have hurt feelings. You did not grow up with them and you could have 20 cousins and if you are only having 3 bridesmaids--how would you pick?

As far as to if they should do something at the wedding--that's up to you guys. Chances are great they will not be hurt if not asked. But if someone particular comes to mind that would be hurt--consider having an attendent that day. A person that comes with you all day. I would have loved to have someone while I was getting my hair done, that would make phone calls and coordinate, make sure I left the salon with the same things I entered with and can run any last minute errands. My husband left the wedding ring at his house, but all the bridal party had to be at the church for pictures. There was no one that could go back and get it. Also, I wear glasses. Before the ceremony I took them off to walk down the aisle--and they got left behind at the church. Mom had to drive them to me last minute--but it would have been great to give them to a friend to rush out to the car for me.

I put my cousin in charge of my mother. She was freaking out and the rule was that she was not allowed to be around me before the ceremony. So my cousin took care of her and talked to her, keeping her calm. A cousin is great for that.

There is also gift registry attendant and perhaps a person handing out programs. Often weddings have a special reading and a cousin could do that. A recent wedding I was at had several of the grooms relatives playing in a string quartet. If she really wants to assign something to these cousins, there are plenty of tasks they could do, plenty of things to make them feel important in the wedding. However, it is YOUR wedding and if the 2 of you decide you do not want additional posts for each cousin--don't worry about it. It is not necessary.

Your fiancee should not be upset about it. Tell her to calm down and enjoy the day just as she already planned it.

Answer 5

Your fiancee should not feel bad that she asked some of her best friends to be in her wedding party. She probably knows them better and is closer to them then she is to some of her relatives. If she's getting flack from her family than she should consider asking them to help out during the reception, i.e. she could ask one or two of her cousins to sit at the gift and registry table to greet the guests. She could ask others to hand out programs when guest come to the door before the wedding. And finally, she could ask others to help pass out the wedding favors if they need to be passed out. If none of these suggestions work, than your fiancee needs to tell her family that she's made her decision about the wedding party and that she would really appreciate their support by not complaining about the choices.

Answer 6

I wouldn't feel bad. It is not about "oh you had me as a bridesmaid so I guess I should have you" It is about having the closest people around you. I would suggest maybe giving family other roles? Like being ushers at the ceremony and habding out church books, escorting people to their seats, handing out rose petals of bubbles at the end of the service. Also greeting people at the reception venue ensuring everyone knows where to sit and signs the guest book.

There are many other important roles in a wedding and I think your partner should relax and do what she wants to not what she feels pressured to do.

I am having 2 friends as my bridesmaid and my fiance is having his friend and my brother. I had the option to have his sisters but chose not to.

Answer 7

she feels bad because by her cousin asking her to be a bridesmiad she has said to her 'YOU are one of the most important ppl in my life, and i want YOU standing next to me for this moment'.. she feels bad because she feels that she cannot return the same favour..
if the bride she is bridesmaid to assumes that she will be in your wedding, that is where the drama may begin.. your fiancee needs to straighten this out and explain why she can't have her.. some girls take the bridesmaid thing VERY seriously..
it would be nice to include everyone, i am having a very similar problem.. as great as it is to get married, it also comes (for many brides) with a huge amount of guilt where they have to infront of everyone, show who their 3,4, or 5 closest female friends or family that they have..
but guilt isn't a good enough reason to have a billion ppl in the wedding party..

Answer 8

One of our nieces had our daughter serve as "hostess" for the bride's side of the family, and one from the groom's for his family. Their job was to help the older guests find their table, check their coats for them, etc. Also to introduce the guests around. Start the dancing by grabbing any man and getting him out on the dance floor. Our daughter had a ball. She felt she was really part of the wedding and the party and didn't have to spend any money on bridesmaid dress, or be confined to the party table, and met a cute guy that she dated all summer.

Answer 9

I think she is right, that her bridesmaids ought to be people who are close to the both of you, as a couple and have been supportive of your relationship.

Maybe she can ask her cousins etc. to do readings at the ceremony, so they can feel involved without needing to be in the actual bridal party?

Answer 10

No, she should not feel badly.

It sounds as if your fiancee did the RIGHT thing and chose people to stand with her who are the most important in her personal life and who she knows will be providing her support even after the marriage.

To have bridesmaids in your wedding simply because they are related and you might offend aunt so-and-so or great grandma so-and-so is foolish.

Happy wedding!!!!!!!!