What is the best way to deal with tantrums expertly thrown daily by a 3 year old?

Question

We ignore them, that dosn't work. We give him time-outs, that's not working. One day he listens and is great the next, he's screaming in a store and we remove him and put him in the car and he starts kicking the car windows of his Dad's car. He's hitting too, which is a zero tolerence time-out by the way, but not stoping the hitting. Help parents!
Thank you Thank you Thank you!

What great responses, thank you!

Answer 1

Maybe he is not getting enough sleep. Does he take naps or have his quiet time? Maybe you need to revamp his schedule. Yes, he will pitch a fit at first but your the parent make it work.
I am the mother of 3 children a girl 3 and boy girl twins 2. The off times the oldest wines in a store she gets sat in the closest corner and I stand there and watch her until shes finished ... which usually doesn't take long. People look - I don't care.
Also, a HUGE thing that works with all of them is ...they all have their own things they like and carry around. If they pitch a fit because they want something else I take away whatever it is they have already ....of coarse they scream louder for a min then I tell them "Well if you want this you have to behave" and give it back to them. It's like an on off switch 100% of the time they pipe down. Maybe give him something he loves before you go out and do that. Luck to you ! Oh, I've also started to reason with them when they whine I look them square in the eye and say "Stop whining and tell Mommy what you want" if they continue to whine I ignore them and redo that a min later etc...usually it works. Again, unless it's past nap time or they are hungry. Hey I am the same way! Luck to you.
By the way ... the fact you say "expertly thrown" in reference to these tantrums shows you give him the power. Maybe he knows that and reads you like a book. No three year old should be given the opportunity to become an expert at throwing a tantrum.

Answer 2

I know this is not what you want to hear, but could it be something in his diet? If he is great one day and not the next, there may to be something in his environment that is causing this, as he has shown that he is capable of positive behavior.

I am not a big fan of Dr. Phil, but I do follow one thing I heard him say. Never give in to a tantrum, even if they go so far as to puke. I did what you did with ignoring, removing and telling my daughter the behavior was unacceptable and it worked. (She is no wall flower, plays with boys, very very active).

I know how troubled you must feel and I am racking my brain...perhaps next time he hits put him in his room and tell him he can not come out until he apologizes for hitting. Ask him if he would like it if you hit him, try to get him to understand that it hurts.

Check some child development books out of the library, maybe. I read some I agreed with and others I didn't, but they did help.

I wish you the best of luck

Answer 3

I respond the same way. I throw myself on the floor or whatever he is doing and usually we both end up laughing. He is testing his and your limits. Remember that this too will pass and you will look back foundly and wonder where it went. A toddlers attention span and tolerance are so much lower than ours, so stay calm and remind him that we dont act like thatm but try to keep an accurate time of how long you are expecting him to behave. Even I hate shopping all day or being in a car for too long. Good luck mom.

Answer 4

Start taking things away. Always explain WHY punishment is being doled out and what the kid has done wrong. Don't put him in time out in his room or any other place that he's got things to play with, and don't put him in time out for too long; the rule is 1 minute per year the child is old. Sometimes there's nothing left to do but call the pediatrician and get some expert advice.

Answer 5

I think some children are more "high strung" than others. I do feel, however, that consistency is the key...you have to follow thru with EVERY time out, punishment, etc. that you specify EVERY time. Kids will get the hint that this behavior will never result in what they want and it should at least calm down. If his time out is in his room, dont do that...there are too many things for him to play with there...it should be in a part of the room where he can be seen, but is in essence "ignored" while in time out. Set a timer for 3 min(1 min per age) and stick to it. Good luck!!

Answer 6

Discipline of a child needs to be the experience of cause and effect - if this, then that. Good behavior leads to praise and reward, bad behavior leads to reprimand and punishment.

Young children, who think in very simple terms, need to be rewarded in a way that is clearly related to their good behavior, and punished like-wise. A three year old child is too young to reason with. You will not be able to convince an angry little one to stop because it is embarrassing you, or to try and make him or her embarrassed about the behavior.

Kids of any age, though, repeat behavior that gets them attention. Consider what is going on when your son starts a tantrum. Every child needs to learn that he/she can not be the center of attention at all times, but they do need to feel secure when they are not the center of attention by receiving affirmation from authority figures when appropriate.

Also, discuss with your child's doctor the possibility that your son has ADHD. At three years old, one of the symptoms is tantrums and bad behavior.

I wish you the best!

Answer 7

My daughter is four. She used to throw horrible tantrums (biting, screaming etc.) I started taking away toys every time she'd throw a tantrum or refuse to go in time out. I've actually cleared out her whole room! Of course I give them back eventually. So far it's worked great. All I have to do now is threaten her with "do you want me to take some toys?" She does what she's told majority of the time! Good Luck!!

Answer 8

I have always heard to take the child out of the situation. But I dont agree with that. I have a 4 year old believe it or not that does this. What has worked for me is to make a chart(sounds dumb but works great) We went to Micheals and got poster board and I let her pick out the stickers, at this piont she was exited. We went home and made the chart. I did everyday of the week and then Some were on the side I put extra points in a column. If she was extra good when we went out or that I thought she deserved another stcker, she got one. I picked 5 things and I put them in a hat.

Ice cream
movies
park
golf land
Chucky Cheese

If she can earn 10 stickers in a week that is including the extra stickers then at the end of the week she gets to pull paper out of the hat. Then I take her there on the weekend.

I know that this may sound lind of dumb but the kids get exited because they are working twords somthing THEY want. Your son is not to smal for this. Let him put the stickers on himself when he is good. I tell you that I was ready to pack my kid up and ship her off. I started doing the chart and she is SO good now.

Hope it works.

Answer 9

This type of situation is very common. Remember to try to keep your composure at all times and stay in control. Talk to him. If it's material things he's fussing about DO NOT REWARD HIM untill he earns it. Eventually the "phase" should pass, however if it doesn't I'm all for getting expert advise from Family Counselors. Enjoy every moment with your son and talk to him with respect and joy. When he does something that upsets you tell him it upsets you. Get him on your side but make sure he knows who boss.

Answer 10

Be firm and consitant with him. Don't try and change how you deal with it each time. You may not think it is working but he may get the picture the next time that he gets the same discipline. I know he is only 3 but when he is calm try talking to him and letting him know that when he has those fits that it is not okay and he will get a time out etc...
Good luck.