How do I nicely tell the Bride I cannot be the maid of honor?

Question

Due to financial reasons, I cannot afford to be her MOH, and I am regretting agreeing, how do I tell her?

Answer 1

Sit her down, let her know how horribly you feel about it, let her know that you will be there for her to support her, but you just cannot afford the costs involved with being the actual maid of honor.

With one of my best friends, I had to do this (I was pregnant at the time and had a baby, and it was two states away. She ended up flying my husband and I (and our baby) up to the wedding, and even though I wasn't an actual member of the wedding party, I was a kind of honorary one. I was the mean pregnant chick people had to answer to if everything wasn't perfect. :-)

With my other best friend, I was a bridesmaid, not the MOH, because I was the shortest of the bridesmaids. However, the tallest girl who was technically the MOH is basically the least helpful, caring person ever. I was doing most of the MOH duties, and enjoyed it because I wanted to be there for my friend.

You can still be there for your friend in any way possible, without being the MOH or a member of the wedding party.

Answer 2

Do it gracefully, and do it now. Don't wait until closer to the wedding. Let her know you are genuinely sorry that you need to make this decision, but you are not financially going to be able to be her MOH. You want to help her with the wedding in any way you can, and want to celebrate her upcoming marriage, but you can't afford to serve as her Maid of Honor. Be sincere, be genuine and be honest. And, like I said...do it soon.

Answer 3

Tell her the truth. If she is enough of a friend that she asked you to be the MOH she already knows you can't afford to. She might have asked you to not let you feel left out knowing you are not financially able to do all that is required of you.

Answer 4

Just be honest with her and let her know that you would love to be her moh but you do not have the financial means to do that. At least you are being an honest friend and she should understand.

Answer 5

Be honest with her. Tell her the truth! You never know she might be willing to share some of the financial expenses with you. My bridesmaid did not come to my wedding. She made every excuse not to come. She mostly blamed it on the weather how she couldn't fly over...funny thing is my brother was able fly up for the wedding.. Then she said if she came she would have no place to stay since her mothers house was snowed in. My mom offered to pick her up at the airport (her mom was snowed in) and offered her to stay at my house or my parents house. She said she was worried about how my mom would drive with her kids in the car..(my mom is a grandma with grand kids of her own) Then she says her kids wont sleep anywhere else but at her own moms house. She just kept making excuses one right after another!
This was three days before our wedding. Luckily we were able to cancel her flowers.
I have a feeling as of why she didn't want to come..She mentioned to me a few weeks earlier that she was worried about her size..(a little over weight)
I reassured her that I am not that thin either and she should not worry about it. I really wanted her there. I just wish she would have told me that she didn't want to do it ..I would have gotten one of my other friends. The groomsman was glad he was off the hook! Because of this our friendship has not been the same.

Answer 6

well, since you blocked me, i had to go under my husbands account.

you have been complaining since day one about this wedding it seems. you have said you do not have any money, how can i do this cheap, she is being a bridezilla, ECT ECT! you have had such a negative attitude about this whole thing, i do not know why you did it in the first place. I am sure the bride is regretting it too. while this simple post does seem like you are the victim or you are trying to be nice, you are not. people should go back and read your other questions. you really do not want to be in this wedding and you should have said so in the first place. a lot of people have been poor college students and been in weddings and have had a lot better attitudes than yours. you do not sound like a very nice friend. you should want to do something nice for your friend who wants to be in the wedding. unless she is asking you to buy a plane ticket and order 500 dollar shoes, you should have been in the wedding.

"I am a poor, working student duped into being maid-of-honor, someone got a good idea for an inexspensive yet meaningful present for bridezilla mother-of-two?"
that is you question you asked (and i guess that is why you blocked me) you sound so negative in it. how can you be duped into being in a wedding?! a wedding is suppose to be a positive event and you should want to share it with your friend. :P but clearly you have not been.

but since you are a negative person, you should say, look, you are probably tired of me complaining so i am just not going to be there, i would probably ruin it anyway.

Answer 7

Please don't wait to tell her. I don't know how long it is until her wedding, but if you back out with less than 3 months to go, you can probably kiss this friendship goodbye.

If she asked you a week ago, you are probably going to be okay.

If it is closer to the wedding and something bad has not happened to you (death in the family, car accident, lost your job), she is just going to think you are irresponsible for not saving up for her wedding.

I guess what I'm saying is, try not to back out unless you have a REALLY good reason for not having the money or the wedding is months and months away. Then and only then should you tell her,

"I'm sorry (bride's name), but I can't be in your wedding. Things are a little tight. I thought I could swing it, but it's not working out. Thank you for the honor. I am really happy that you are getting married."

EDIT: I can't believe you called your bride a bridezilla in your other question. Are you really her friend? You obviously don't want to be in the wedding. If you have any decency, you'll get out now.

Answer 8

How long is it to the wedding? if it is pretty close then I would say stick it out....if not, and she has time to find another person to fill your shoes, then you just have to tell her, that you have had some financial problems that have come about, and that you will need to back out of being in the wedding, and that you hope that this does not cause any hard feelings or puts her in a bind in any way. Hopefully she will understand......but, she apparently thinks a great deal of you to ask you to be her Maid of Honor.

Answer 9

Just like you did here. Tell her you are grateful for the honor, but you simply do not have the money to be able to be her MOH. Tell her you will help any other way you can, but money is tight and you can not afford to purchase all the wedding stuff. If she is truly your friend, she will understand.

Answer 10

Well it depends on how long you have until the wedding. A lot of bridal shops have lay-a-way, if you are close enough to be the one she asked to be MOH it will seriously dissappoint her and you if you don't do it. How many other bridesmaids are there? They should definitley pitch in and help pay for the shower. And really nice parties can happen on a really tight budget if you plan carefully.