When does being compassionate to others become being their "doormat" and when do you let go of trying?

Question

Does there come a time when you stop showing compassion to those who reject it?

Namaste

Peace and Love

Answer 1

Being a doormat usually involves an imaginary benefit for the doormat. Example: I will be nice to them so that they would be my friends. True compassion has no hidden agendas. It is understanding for the other person, knowing that he too - like myself - doesn't want to suffer. It doesn't depend on that person being nice to me in return. The other may reject the compassion but the feeling in me doesn't change for that reason.
In fact, many have felt compassion for their torturers and murderers. They do not condone the act but feel for the person suffering from so much darkness and ignorance.

Answer 2

You've become a doormat when it makes you feel ill inside and you have a hard time looking them in the face. Being continously stepped on eats away at you from the inside out starting with your spirit. If you're in despair It is hard to show compassion.
if you don't feel good being compassionate its no longer compassion

Answer 3

The first problem is with the word "doormat." As soon as this word enters our heads as we serve others, a red light should turn on. "Doormat" denotes something that is used, and has no choice in the matter. And while we should not neglect our own needs to fulfill others’ needs, upon little honest reflection, I venture to say that very few of us are at that point where we should concern ourselves about it!

It is not a “Christian virtue,” nor is it “Christ-like humility” when Christians allow others to take advantage of them. There is a time and place to say "no." If your compassion is rejected its time to dust off our feet and move on. (Luke 9:3-5)

Answer 4

I think sometimes we can be compassionate but not be an enabler or a doormat. If a person won't take responsibility, or if they try to manipulate one's compassion, then perhaps the more compassionate thing to do is force them to grow and change.

Answer 5

What is compassion for others in the absence of compassion for the self?
An empty gesture of attachment and expectation. It was never your task to express compassion, but to BE it. How this will be expressed, you cannot know and do not need to know. Let your Being define what you are doing.

Answer 6

I'd say don't give up the compassion; but respect & be compassionate to yourself, too; maybe first.

Don't get attached to 'doormat' perception.

Don't get attached to any perception.

Take your mind off things. Relax. They'll change.

Don't get 'caught up'.

(Added):

Sounds like you are or have been 'under the cosh', lately, Digi.

Seek out good (wise) friends, and put your situation to them.

I've been like this recently. You don't know where to turn.

Take it easy. Things'll get better.

I've got two siblings who don't understand / dislike me, too, at the moment.

Things change.

"Getting to know" can be a lengthy process.

Answer 7

if a person makes an honest and whole-hearted effort to help themself and fails, and you help them recover and get another chance, that is compassion.

If that person begins to rely on your kindness and is no longer really trying to suceed on their own. If they just give up and assume that you will bail them out of their situation, then you are their doormat and its time to stop. Sometimes people need to suffer the consequences of their actions so they learn a lesson and are motivated to give their best efforts the next time around.

I usually stop giving compassion when people reject it, I have better things to do than to waste my time trying to help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
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Answer 8

We should give freely of our time, energy and resources if it truly assists others. If they begin to take advantage of the situation it isn't assisting them because our help denies them from being responsible for themselves. Djwhal Khul uses the term 'harmlessness' in his teachings. I'll share a few of his words because he says it so much better than I'm able.

"[Harmlessness] is not negativity but perfect poise, a completed point of view and divine understanding.

The harmlessness to which I refer in connection with you is not negative, or sweet or kindly activity, as so many believe; it is a state of mind and one which in no way negates firm or even drastic action; it concerns motive and involves the determination that the motive behind all activity is goodwill. That motive might lead to positive and sometimes disagreeable action or speech, but as harmlessness and goodwill condition the mental approach, nothing can eventuate but good.

Right use of thought, restraint of speech, and consequent harmlessness on the physical plane, result in liberation; for we are held in the human unit, we are imprisoned to the planet not by some outside force that holds us there, but by what we ourselves have said and done. The moment we no longer set up wrong relations with people by the things we say that should not have been said, the moment we stop thinking things about people that we should not think, little by little those ties that hold us to planetary existence are severed, we are freed and we climb the mountain like the goat in Capricorn.

In the presence of him who has perfected harmlessness, all enmity ceases.


Let a man so live that his life is harmless. Then no evil to the group can grow out of his thoughts, his actions or his words. This is not negative harmlessness, but of a difficult and positive activity. If the above practical paraphrase of the words of Christ were universally promulgated and practically applied, we should have order growing out of chaos, group love superseding personal selfishness, religious unity taking the place of fanatical intolerance, and regulated appetites instead of license."

Answer 9

No one must always show compassion but one need not be a doormat.

Answer 10

LOL - Well...I think you can be as compassionate as you can be without destroying yourself. I mean - if somebody gives you a rope to hold and then jumps off a bridge - and you realize the rope is tied around their waist. And they are doing NOTHING to help themselves get back up the bridge...eventually your arms are going to get tired and either you will go over the bridge too...or you have to let go of them.