Help! Am I SHALLOW?

Question

Ok, this is like a weird story. But anyway, I was sitting in my couch watching TV while eating a Ben and Jerry ice cream, when someone called me. It was a boy name Parker and he had the wrong phone number and stuff. So, anyway, I don't know how this began, but we started talking none stop, we got to know each other very well for the past 3 months. So, then we decided to meet up. And when I saw him, I was a bit shocked, but I smiled. He didn't look as handsome as he sounds on the phone. I mean, he looks kinda goofy. But yet, he's so sweet and honest, but he has a somewhat big nose, and his eyes are like, close to together, you know what I mean? He is such a charming funny guy, but he doesn't look gorgeous as I thought he would be. He kinda reminds me of skreech from Saved By The Bell. Am I shallow? I don't want to be shallow, I really found a perfect guy and I don't want to ruin it just because of the way he looks. Should I get hypnotize or something?

Answer 1

Get over it...you are being shallow..maybe you need some more maturing, hun. but if he's perfect and you let him go b/c he is not :gorgeous: you may regret it.. are you gorgeous? someone may not think so...

what does ice cream have to do with this?..just wondering

Answer 2

It does sound like you are a bit shallow, but be honest: if you aren't physically attracted to him, you aren't attracted to him.

Before you throw it all away, try spending some time with him in person. It's possible that you could end up getting past his physical appearance & finding that you like him even more. Don't rush into anything, since real-life chemistry is much different than chemistry that comes about from talking on the phone or internet. Just remember that all physical looks fade, including yours. Guys that are pretty to look at may not end up being the nicest guys & when your looks begin to fade they may start looking for the newest model.

If you find that you really don't have any chemistry after meeting up a few more times, be honest with him. It may be that he had the same reaction when he saw you.

Answer 3

Well, if you were 30 I'd say you were shallow, but you sound very young to me. So I'd say you're probably typical for your age - which tends to be shallow. ;o) But you grow out of it, if you're smart - and I think you know that, because you're already telling yourself you shouldn't be paying so much attention to looks. A few points: how can someone "sound" handsome?? Self-assured, funny, nice, but handsome? And take it from someone who dated a lot in her youth: NEVER date anyone prettier than yourself. It's tempting, I know, but never date anyone you have to fight for mirror time. They will always be way more fond of themselves than they are of you. If you think they're gorgeous, so do they! Most of the guys that I find really attractive are not what would be considered "handsome" (in fact, I think that "handsome" look is unattractive). And lastly: what are you doing meeting someone you only know from talking on the phone?!? I hope you found out you know some people in common, or something like that, because otherwise, my girl, that was a really dangerous thing to do. Maybe you got lucky this time. Remember, everyone that met Ted Bundy socially thought he was very charming - and handsome.

Answer 4

It's all a personal preference. Shallow is a rather extreme way to describe it. If you can see yourself getting old with this person, then how much will looks matter in 30 years? On the same token, you have to have some attraction to a person to be with them. I always found when someones personality was great, it made them more attractive to me. Conversely, there are people that I have found attractive, until I get to know them and their personality makes them really ugly. So, to try to answer your question. If you didn't want to be with the guy because you didn't want people to see you two together, that would be shallow. Not wanting to be with someone you are not attracted to isn't shallow, it's just nature.

Answer 5

It is shallow to base someone off how they look. And, even though you have gotten to know him its shallow because you like his personality. Im not into the screech kind of guy either so i would be shallow to...but if you feel bad about being shallow, maybe give him a chance and go on like a date and then decide what you want to do. Dont get hypnotized, that is just like forcing yourself to go out with him. I say give him a chance...maybe he will grow older and change his style.

Answer 6

I think we'd all be guilty of being a little shocked and disappointed at first (I SAID AT FIRST)......you had the image of a perfect looking guy in your head, but it turns out he isn't so perfect looking. You said though, he's charming and sweet and honest. Don't worry about the looks.....you can fall in love with the least likely person. Give him a chance, if you really like each other then go on a date or two and see how it works. It could turn out to be a long lasting relationship!

Answer 7

You know, if you've managed to find a goofy-looking guy with decent self-esteem... you've found rare gold. Guys like that are fun and generally very caring and sensitive. Yes, you are being shallow. I'm 36, and I'm totally over what guys look like. They all pretty much look horrible at some point once they get more than about 25 years old anyway. Like, I could totally marry this guy if he was a nice guy:
http://www.grimmemennesker.dk/ugly-people-437.htm

Answer 8

No, not shallow, just honest. Hey, if you're not attracted to the guy, forcing it or hypno-therapy will just stave of the inevitable. I'd say break it off now or tell him you want to be friends and maybe over time his looks will grow on you. Any chance a makeover / shopping trip will help his looks? My wife hated my style when we met so we went to TJ maxx (which I thought was an all-girl's store) and got me a real hairdresser haircut updated my image. It's bad to change people, but a makeover never hurt anyone.

Answer 9

Not really, it is only normal that you have some type of expectation of this gentleman you spoke with for the pass 3 months.

It would be unrealistic if you won't be disappointed if he does not meet your expectation. After all, it was the reason you want to meet him in the first place.

You will be considered shallow ONLY if you treat him rudely and disrespectfully after you discover his look. That would mean you only judge people by their look instead of their spirit.

All in all, it is okay for you to be disappointed as long as you are respectful. You don't have to fall in love with any person you don't like even he is a very, very nice person. This gentleman may not be your dream-man, but he can still be a good friend as long as you two gets along.

Answer 10

Mallerie, Sweetie that is just the way of the world,kinda sad but true ! A voice rarely matches the face or the heart and the heart is the most important part cause it rules the soul ! Good looks are fleeting, they fade with time. But the heart and soul,if gaurded can remain the same forever ! Choose with your heart not your head, the heart is wiser !

Answer 11

You don't need to be hypnotized. You just need to stop worrying about what other people will say about who you are with. Looks are not everything. If you fell for him without seeing him in person, then you saw the real person that he is. What does his looks have to do with that? And keep in mind, that sometimes the "dork" in school becomes a truly gorgeous adult.
Good luck.