How do I confront him?

Question

We have been dating for 4 mths and everything was wonderful until his dad bought a buisness and told him to run it. He is very busy and has no time for me. Well I don't think he is making time for me. He says he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me but I can't be in a relationship like this. I need physical contact. He hardly ever calls and we never see each other.

My last relationship ended just like this. He started a buisness and got real busy. I pushed the whole do you still want to be with me bit and I think he did but I drove him away. I don't want to do that this time.

How can I find out if he still wants to be with me with out pushing him away? I love him but I can't go on like this.Please help.

Answer 1

Confidence is a huge part of this. What you need to do is sit down with him and say something along the lines of..."Look I love you but it feels like you're too busy for me. I can't imagine you're doing it on purpose but it hurts. You're a wonderful man and I'm glad that your father gave you a business to run but you hardly ever call me, we never see each other and it's getting harder and harder for me. I want to support you the best I can but I need some physical contact. I want to be able to go out with you, spend time with you, cuddle with you, but you seem like maybe you don't want that." Something along those lines. I've had a conversation close to this but different scenario. My best advice is to get your confidence up and sit him down and just tell him how you feel. Be sure to let him know that you don't doubt he loves you but at the same time, let him know that it feels as if he's maybe running away or hiding. Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

Talk to your boyfriend about the situation. Let him know that you guys can try and find time to spend together. He is an adult and he knows how to handle his own business. If all doesn't go well between the two you, then it's not meant to be. Don't keep pushing the issue of you guys not spending time together because you will push him away. Find ways to spend time together- even if it's not physical contact. It is also up to him to indicate that he does have some time to spend with you. If you really do love him like you say you do, you will support him at what he does. Whatever you decide to do is all up to you. Good luck.

Answer 3

WOW...one thing jumped out at me so clearly and I was shocked no one else mentioned it. Since your last relationship ended this way, and I'm sure hurt you deeply, how much of this is fear of the the same hurt and you putting up a shell to protect yourself from a repeat???

But this isn't the same guy even though there are some similarities in the situation. Seems to me if you react with fear from the past, and hold this guy accountable for the previous one's actions, you will push him away.

To me you answered your own question...you said he said he loves you and wants to be with you. Why not give him a break and see if HE means it? Rather than pushing him for what you need, or to make him prove he means it, what if you accepted he is telling you the truth and you support him. Ask him how can you help him and support him in getting this off the ground? I'd be honest and tell him you need some more time with him, but do it in a supportive way, not as an ultimatim. Is there any way you can work with him or help him in this business? If you guys are serious about making a life together, that might be an option.

What I find really interesting is that this is how your last relationship ended. I find in my life when something repeats itself that closely there is some lesson I needed to learn that I totally missed. I have a few thoughts, but I think you need to figure that out for yourself to truly get it.

But in your time apart, maybe get some good books on relationships and what makes the lasting ones work. I don't think we should follow any one book but think we can get some good insights into behaviors we are not getting.

But sounds to me like you have a man who says he loves you...so please don't make him choose or make demands. Find a way to work it out together, and rather than having a difficult situation tear your apart, maybe you both can fingure out a way to use it to learn to work together as a team, as solid life partners do. Hopefully he can figure out some ways to compromise so you have time together, but let him figure it out in a way where it is something he wants to do and isn't feeling bullied into. And maybe you can love him enough to accept less together time than your idea, for a period where he is establishing the business. Talk, find compromises.

And if you aren't willing to do this, then maybe the timing isn't right for a committed relationship. And same for him. But real love has patience and understanding...so if it's real I bet you'll find a way. Mostly, PLEASE don't make this guy pay for what the last one did! And instead of confronting him...just talk. Wouldn't that be more effective, or at least have a better shot at it?

Best of luck with it!

Answer 4

Hmm... I dont think "confront" is the right term... He doesnt seem to be doing anything to intentionally hurt you... so i think the right word question here is "How do I communicate with him?"

Well, I think for starters, you need to be honest with him and start telling him your fears. if you are really into each other and are comfortable enough, tell him that you are very happy for him, and you support him, but you also are hoping you two can spend more time together. He has a new life and he has obligations and priorities, but you want to share your lives TOGETHER.... and maybe later on you can even explain your fears...

since this happened to you before.

He's not doing this intentionally... so be patient with this.

good luck.

Answer 5

You need to stand strong. He is working so he can have a future, complete with you. So what if you do not get the physical contact.. grow up. Do something for yourself, join a health club and get active. He loves you and wants to have a life with you, but in order to have those things.. he needs to work all the time and make some money .... its not all about you.

Answer 6

Your desperation is driving them away. I smell it from way down here. What are the chances that you keep attracting these same kind of guys? Do you give it too easy? are you a loser? are you ugly? if they do not want to spend time with you, let them go baby.. ...screw them. (not in the literal way). love does not hurt. find someone that respects you and can't wait to be with you.. that's how you keep love. Not by being accomodating to their needs. It's not what they need, it's what "you" need.. that should matter most.... move on... and don't be so desperate. If you, do not place a high value of worth to "yourself", how the heck are others supposed to cherish you?

Answer 7

its really hard not to to keep pushing people you want to be with. try to keep yourself busy with other things. as far as asking him again and again about wanting to be with you guys get really annoyed when we keep asking them things like that. don't ask, if he doesn't want to be with you he'll end it. as far as the physical contact goes i know how ya feel we all need a little loving plan a romantic date even if its just dinner at your house and then take the reins from there sometimes guys just want to sit back and relax while you do the work especially if they've been super busy so take some initiative! good luck!

Answer 8

Maybe join him....he is probably feeling accomplishment not only by helping his father, but he's running a business now... perhaps send him flowers at work....w/a note saying i know your busy but don't forget to take a rest and know i love you....or even stop in there, bring him lunch + eat it there...let him tell you about what's going on, how his day is going...let him know your interested in his dedication as well, and your proud that he's a hard worker :)

Answer 9

Love and relationships are not about ultimatums. If you get an ultimatum you feel disturbed and trapped. If you want to harbor respectful and long lasting relationships you have to realize that it's not going to be sunshine and roses all the time.

If this guy is worth it maybe you need to lighten up and support him in what he's doing. If you can't support him then you should leave.

FP

Answer 10

You need to be honest with him and tell him what you are feeling. You also must consider that he really just started in this business and might need some time to adjust and organize his new schedule. No matter what though, communicate with him! Keep the lines open!