My husband wants in-vitro and I want to adopt. The fact that you're awake while they do the egg retrieval frightens me, as I read this can be particularly difficult for women who histories of childhood abuse. Plus the odds of success being about 1 in 3. If success were guaranteed the first time I might be able to talk myself through it. He keeps saying it's about love, and comparing it to me putting myself at risk for the older child we already have in order to protect her. I have grudgingly agreed to try it once, and, if it fails, adopt. I'm petrified. Is it wrong for me to back out of this? I actually think I'll resent him for pushing me into this and take it out passive aggresively. He doesn't know if he could love an adopted child as well as the 1 bio we have already.
2007-06-29 07:03:16 · 9 answers · asked by Andrea A 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
If you cant do it you cant do it. I think you guys should really seek out some marriage counseling to help you work through this issue and also deal with his passive aggressive treatment.
2007-06-29 07:59:16 · answer #1 · answered by kila537 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok , speaking from a two time loser of IVF..its hard to give you "positive' support but here goes.
Ivf is VERY stressing on YOU. YOU are the one that goes thru all the shots, You are then one that endures the emotional mood swings that come from the shots, Almost everything is on your shoulders with the exception of the good ol swimmers.... Well its damn hard to have that kind of pressure and IF you want this to work that is the first thing you are going to have to change about your outlook.....THINK ++++++++ thoughts. yes the retrieval is hard, but they do give you Versed, a drug that you are awake but feeling no pain (some pressure) I had a very difficult retrieval because I had an ovary stuck to the back wall of my uterus so retrieval was THRU the uterus which put me into back labor just to retrieve the eggs. The 'shut down' drugs(Depo lupron) made me a mess. I could just LOOK at a commercial and bawl. The Stimulation drugs made to a BLOATED mess. I looked very pregnant all because they over stim'd me to the point that I had approx forty follicles(not all had eggs) developing on my ovaries. that means that had forty follicles to retrieve from to see how many eggs were there. I had twenty something eggs. The first time we fertilized about 8, four died off before the transfer and the 4 remaining for transfer did not take. Second time, we had better eggs for blastocysts were transferred and I lost them at six weeks.....it was damn hard. Plus I was also a smoker and husband kinda blamed me for them not taking. So in short...you need to get postive about YOU, YOUR relationship, the procedure, your life and think of a positive outcome OR you need to sit down and have a long talk with spouse about this and head straight to adoption. This is not just a physical or emotional procedure... ITS MENTAL and you need to be mentally prepared...TOGETHER I wish you lots of luck and hope you make a decision that BOTH of you can live with.
All the said, I would have tried again...if I hadnt had to have a total hysterectomy.....
2007-06-29 14:17:52 · answer #2 · answered by theb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I am always an advocate for adoption. But, they can, and do, dope you up sooo heavily for the procedure that you wont remember.
Any conscious sedation has uncertain effects on people who were abused, but its generally not something you remember once the drugs wear off, its more like a bad dream.
Talk to a doctor about all your concerns.
Your husband also needs to decide what he's willing to have. He can have children that are not from his body, and love them just the same. Love is a choice. Even the ones birthed of your of flesh can be hard to love at times :) Adoption is an excellent option.
2007-06-29 14:10:35 · answer #3 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you shouldn't do something as serious as this if you're not 100% committed. On the other hand, you also need to understand his hesitation about adoption. As far as your fear of IVF, my best friend just went through it. She was petrified as well, but everything turned out fine. She was put to sleep during the retrieval. So you may want to speak with your dr. about your options. She wasn't in any pain afterward...and she's usually a wimp. :-) The worst part for her was the hyperstimulation, which only a small percentage of women get. I didn't do IVF...did hormone treatment with IUI and still was hyperstimulated. But her IVF worked on the first try, but like you said that's not always the case. I really think you should talk to your doctor about your options. Just don't do anything unless you're sure. Just remember...if you decide to do IVF and it works, it'll all be worth it in the end. Good luck!
2007-06-29 14:09:52 · answer #4 · answered by Jamie C 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it's definitely a huge step, but you shouldn't be afraid. I also don't think you should be pressured into doing something you don't want to do....it's your body and if you don't feel comfortable doing it then he should understand. If you are afraid of the pain you might feel you should definitely consider doing it. It doesn't hurt. We just saw a specialist since it may be the only route for my husband and I, so I had many questions to ask and that was one of them.
Personally if it's a possibility to have my own child, I would try anything before adopting. I would be okay with adoption as well...there are a lot of children in need of a family.....
Good luck
2007-06-29 14:11:10 · answer #5 · answered by KR52 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all talk to your Dr, you may be able to have sedation ( or at least a tranquilizer) while doing the retrieval. Adoption is a wonderful choice as well, but its still fraught with emotional heartache. I think that your offering to give invitro a shot is for the best, and if it fails then start the adoption process. By the time a baby comes into your life he won't care where it came from, trust me!!
2007-06-29 14:09:44 · answer #6 · answered by parental unit 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you need counseling for the underlying problems. If you are not comfortable with the procedure then by no means go through with it.... but adoption is not easy and it is very expensive with many heartbreaks. Seek help and make a decision that is fair to you and your husband. You carry the child but we do tend to forget that the men need to be equally involved since it affects their life just as much as it does ours. Good luck.
2007-06-29 14:07:29 · answer #7 · answered by Me 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
y'all should try it 1 time for him but also b aware that there is a good chance that y'all can have more than 1 child ( twins triplets etc..) and if that doesn't work then adopt because there are a lot of children that need parents
2007-06-29 14:45:20 · answer #8 · answered by I love Dionne 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
ugh, you've already made up your mind! you can't do it. Personally i don't see your reason, but that is also like your husband so it is a moot point. No one understands why i won't get an abortion even tho i am highly pro-abortion (other people tho!). Good luck
2007-06-29 14:06:25 · answer #9 · answered by echo 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋