I wrote a few posts about my cousin & how she deliberately didn't invite me to her wedding, but she invited every other sibling of mine. Apparently it was intentional, b/c our mutual grandmother told my dad that I wasn't invited, then went even further to instruct him to not tell me about the wedding at all. I hadn't done anything wrong to my cousin at all to deserve this. My dad & I agree that what my grandmother & cousin did was catty & wrong.
A few people suggested that I talk to either cousin or grandmother & express my hurt feelings & ask them if I did anything to offend them. I don't know my cousin's #, & I haven't talked to her in a while, so it's probably best if I ask my grandmother. Esp since she's the one that went behind my back & I suspect that she had a role in my not being invited. But how do I do this in a way that is strong/assertive & not impolite? How do I start off the convo? I'm not good at defending myself(that's why I often get stepped on like in this instance
2007-06-29 06:41:39 · 14 answers · asked by I Hate my haters 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
"Granny, this is really hard for me, but I have to know: why is cousin mad at me? I don't know what I've done to offend her, but I want to be on good terms. What's going on?"
2007-06-29 06:45:30 · answer #1 · answered by Zeera 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel. I am the same way. I tend to let people walk all over me. But recently I have decided to take a stand, as should you. Whether not being invited bothered you or not, more of the point is that they didn't. Go see your grandmother, sit down with her. Just flat out ask her why you were not invited? If it hurt you, tell her. You dont have to scream at her, but still let her know how this made you feel. Both her and your cousin probably knw the same thing as you. That you tend not to take up for yourself, so they think they can get away with it. Dont let em girl. Tell em how you feel. Surprise everyone with the new YOU. It cant hurt anything. Sounds like things cant get much worse with that part of your family.
You will feel much better once you do this:) Hope I helped you...I helped me I know that. lol :)
2007-06-29 06:47:42 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe ask your dad to go with you or be on the line with you when you talk to her. It might give you a little more confidence, knowing you have backup.
I agree - asking her why she'd done that is a very good idea. The best way to do it is just to lay everything on the table, but politely...
"Grandma, I was really hurt when I got excluded from Cousin's wedding, and even more hurt that you'd instructed people not to tell me about it at all. I want to have a good relationship with you, so I'm just wondering whether or not I've done something to hurt or upset you. If I have, would you tell me so that I can fix it?"
2007-06-29 06:46:57 · answer #3 · answered by *huge sigh* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh god, you poor thing! This is what I would do.....start off the convo like this "How was so and so's wedding - I heard it was beautiful, and hey, I never got an invitation, I was just wondering what happened - I would have loved to be there and was really hurt i wasn't invited" Just saying that alone will flood them with guilt and they will tell you why. It's the best way to get your answer - be honest and truthful it did hurt your feelings - it was wrong, and you are family damnit - you have a right to know why...but you gotta ask sweety - they are not just gonna jump out and tell you. Good luck!
2007-06-29 06:46:18 · answer #4 · answered by Rebekkah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't tell your grandmother anything, your just getting caught up in the he said she said. What you can do is purchase a small gift such as a picture frame. And attach a card, and congratulate her in her new marriage. Also write that you happy for her. write that you hope that you did not do anything to offend her and that if you did you appologize. Sign if off as Love always your cousin.... this way your not having to confront her, and by giving her the gift she'll know that your sincere. Just ask some one to give it to her for you, or mail it to her home. your parents should have an address from the wedding invitaiton.
2007-06-29 07:01:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to defend yourself. You don't need to confront your grandmother immediately. You can do it first indirectly by calling her and asking her for your cousin's address. Tell her you heard she is getting married and you would like to send her a congratulation card. I would send your cousin a card and see what is the reaction of your grandmother and cousin, and take it from there. They should be on the defense, not you.
2007-06-29 06:51:38 · answer #6 · answered by Lucy4JC 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I feel like crying for you. Well talk to your siblings, get her (your cousin's number) and yeah, just do what you want to do, ask her if you may have hurt her in some way. Talk to them. Show how grown-up and mature you can be. Show THEM how to act. Show THEM your exampole. I respect your family 100% but I think that it was very imature of your Grandmother to do something like that. Anyways, all I think is that you just neeed to talk to them about it and if it doesnt get any better just wait it out. Things'l get better. Luv/Kodi
2007-06-29 06:47:23 · answer #7 · answered by Kodi [[RoX uR sOx]] 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know what, hon?
your grandmother sounds like a busy body and a biznitch, and someone who doesn't consider the feelings of others.
i hope you will realize this, find a way to cope and simply go on with your life.
i dont' think there is any "polite" way to approach the problem. in doing so, other issues might be created. you don't need to defend yourself if you didn't do anything/
take care of yourself.
2007-06-29 06:50:37 · answer #8 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GET OVER IT, honey. Good lord, would you PLEASE look at the amount of time you have spent obsessing on this non-problem and put this in perspective? It was just a stupid wedding, for pete's sake. Half the people didn't really want to be there, anyway, the food was probably second-rate, and the music was probably not your taste.
Count yourself lucky, put it behind you.
2007-06-29 06:50:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm the same way, its hard to bring up a really difficult topic, and I tend to let people walk all over me... in this case only one thing you can do, bite the bullet and just say it...
Don't sugar coat anything, once u do its no longer the truth... just talk to her, don't mean you have to yell or anything, talking gets more results then not...
So either talk to her about it, or let it go, all you can do...
2007-06-29 06:46:18 · answer #10 · answered by princesslele1981 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋