How would I send my cousin a wedding gift if I don't even have her contact info?

Question

I wrote a few times on here about the cousin that purposely invited every sibling in my family except me to her wedding. I feel hurt & embarrassed, esp since I've never done anything wrong to her. A few people responded that I should get her a gift or card, send my congratulations to her, to prove that I'm the bigger person while also making her feel guilty for doing such an ****** move.

That might be a decent idea, but how would I send it to her when I don't know where she lives?? I could ask my aunt or our mutual grandmother, but I highly doubt they'd give it to me. My aunt is very catty, & had a long "cold war" w/ my mom in the past(my mom's dead now by the way). My grandmother is the one that told my dad that I was purposely not invited, & tried to convince my dad to keep the wedding secret from me simply so I wouldn't complain! I think them giving me her new address would be the LAST thing they'd do!

So now what? I guess sending a gift/card isn't a good idea yet? What is?

TO Sylvia: Thanks for your kind words, but she no longer has a wedding registry. Her wedding was months ago. Also, I'd have no way of finding out where even a registry is, since I'd have to go thru my grandmother to find that out, & I highly doubt my grandmother would tell me if she's the one that kept it hidden from me.

Answer 1

If she is your cousin, wouldn't that make her parents your aunt and uncle? Do you have their address? Or would your parents or other siblings have it? Ask your family if they know the cousins address- they might have the envelope (or may not) that the invite came in. If they don't know, see if they have her parents address. Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

Any one of the people who were invited to the wedding (without you, so sorry!) should know where she was registered. I'm guessing your Dad bought a gift from the registry, so he should be able to help.

Most of the time, the registry stays open for a year following the wedding, so that people can give when they hear about the wedding after the fact, and also for the bridal couple to easily be able to purchase the rest of the products that they did not receive as gifts. If you can find it, they should not only have the bridal couple's address, but should also be more than happy to ship it to that location.

A gift card is most definitely an appropriate gift...It's not okay for her to ask for them, but it's certainly okay for you to give one. It's also okay for you to send a check, if you feel that's appropriate. If you can get ahold of their address, you could also simply order a nice houseplant or bouquet from the florist, to send your best wishes to the happy couple.

For the record, shame on your grandmother! It sounds to me as if you're better off not having these folks around, considering they're all acting like three-year olds.

Answer 3

I commend you highly for wanting to send a gift, despite her oversight. It's good to know there are nice people left out there!!

I would check around and see if she has a registry - I'm sure that your mom has her registry info, or you could check the "obvious" registry places online (Target, Linens & Things, Bed Bath & Beyond, Macy's, Pottery Barn, etc.), find a gift and order it on line and have it shipped. There should be a shipping address listed as a preference - even if it's your aunt's house, or even her future in-law's.

Good luck with what appears to be such a bewildering experience! I hope everything works out for you!!!


Extra Edit: If it's of any help, most places will keep a registry open for a year after the wedding date - so all may not be lost!

Otherwise, you can always send a card to her in care of your aunt. :) :)

Answer 4

I don't mean to sound rude, but you seem to be obsessed with the fact that you weren't invited to the wedding. Why? I don't mean to be hurtful, but you need to grow up and get over it. I understand your being hurt, but come on, enough already! You are a grown woman (at least I think you are) and you should know by now that unpleasant things in life happen to all of us.

As rude as it was for your cousin to not invite you, move on. You are a better person than that or you should be. The wedding is over, she is married, and happy and you are still sulking.

She had her reason for not inviting you, so let it be. If you really want to know, then ask her, then drop it. Stop wasting you time complaining and trying to figure out how to get back at her or get her attention. That shows a deep lack of maturity on your side.

I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but sometimes the truth hurts.

Good luck.

Answer 5

If I were in your situation, I wouldn't bother holding a grudge, but nor would I bother sending a gift. But that's me.

Be very honest with yourself about why you want to send a gift? Is it to prove you're a better person and make her feel guilty? Or is it b/c you genuinely wish her well? I get from your posts that it's the former, which is rather passive aggressive, and insincere. If you get over your grudge and end up in the "genuinely wish her well" camp, then you can track her down, the way Barbara B. recommended.

I think some of the posters here were a little harsh on you, but I agree with their reasoning behind it. Hon, I think you need to work on getting over your grudge, as it seems to be eating away at you.

Answer 6

You are indeed the bigger person.

Send a really nice congratulatory card in care of your aunt - with a return receipt request.

That way you'll at least know that SOMEONE who knows how to get in touch with Cousin will have received it.

In the card, tell your cousin how happy you are for her and would love to keep in touch with her - at her new address.

Don't send money or a gift until you get a response from the bride herself. If she does write back - THEN send a gift if you so choose.

Answer 7

Honestly, I do not think you should worry about the actions of others. Ask God to sincerely bless them, that is the better you can do for them. Save your money and your time.

I am in the sales business, why does not some people buy my products and services? For MANY reasons, but those are THEIR reasons, is not something about me and my products. It is their right to say no, no matter the reason.

When my wife and I get married, we invited 600 guests. Some friends and family members were not invited? Why? We forgot about them, we didn´t have enough places, they were friends of the past, some of them do not match with others (politics in this case)........ It is very complicated.

We think: "the people we love, must know we love them, so if we make a little mistake that must not affect our relationship with them".

Buddha said "It is better to be alone, than be in company of stubborn people", because they invade your mind, your heart, your life, your peace.

About your question, you can ask the information in the main Department Store in the area, they could have de data your are looking for.

Answer 8

Your last question said that you got joy out of knowing that she lived in a flood zone...so obivously you have an idea of where she lives if not exactly. By sending her a gift with a poor attitude behind it, you're no better than her.

If you really want to send her a gift, send it to your aunt or grandmother and have them pass it on...but don't do it until you can lose your attitude.

Answer 9

I agree with teresathegreat and lindseysays. Only send a card/gift if you can honestly find it in your heart to let it go. The card/gift should be sent only to offer your congratulations and best wishes. Sending a gift just to prove a point is wrong.

Answer 10

Was your dad invited? He would have the address or maybe he could get it from your grandmother. Also check if she's registered anywhere they would have the address on file and you can look her up by name. Congrats on being a bigger person