Help.....what do I tell people?

Question

I found out my ex from 10 years ago had genital Herpes while we dated and didn't tell me. I always use protection, no matter who it is. The first doctor I went to about this said the only way to determine 100% if I have herpes would be to run a culture test on an active cold sore. Well, I've never had any sores. He told me to just wait and see. I decided to get a second opinion. That doctor pretty much said the same thing except he told about some blood tests that could be done. However, he said that if I have ever had so much as a cold sore on my mouth as a kid or had chicken pox then the herpes virus is already in my system and the blood test would only show that I exposed to herpes NOT what kind of herpes or the location of infection on my body. So the doctor advised me against the blood test.
Do I go on with my life as if all is normal like before? Do I wait for a diagnosis and some physical sign that I have herpes before I tell future lovers? What should I tell future partners?

I would never expose someone to this disease on purpose. But without physical proof like medical test results, cold sores how do I know any level of certainty that I have it. who wants to face that rejection when I’m probably not even sick to begin with. On the other hand, should the worst happen years later and cold sores appear I would probably have a hell of a time explaining a situation like this to my partner and expecting her to believe me. What a terrible position to be in!

Answer 1

You'll be fine. My ex from many years ago also had genital herpes. He was upfront with me, and we always used protection, and we never had intercourse when he had an outbreak.

I did a lot of investigating on herpes back when we were together, because I wanted to know what I was risking, and how to best minimize the risk.

Herpes is most easily spread to a partner if one person has lesions. You would have noticed and questioned him. If so many years have passed and you have never had cold sore--type lesions on your genitals, you can 99.999999 % consider yourself uninfected. The only 100% STD free guarantee is abstinence, and that's not too realistic.

You don't need to explain this to anyone - you have no reason to even suspect you might have an STD.

The statistic, by the way, is something like 1 in 10 people have herpes.

Answer 2

A little over 10 yrs ago I dated a very educated older man who had kids, a home, and a sucessfull business of his own. Before we became intimate I insisted on a full STD test. We both came back negitive. By the end of the first year I was positive for Herpes Simplex 2 (geintal). I got the same response from the doc about the test you did. He denied it, called me a whore, and swore I had an affair. During his tirade he let it slip that not only did his ex-wife have it but the girlfriend before me also got it while they were dating. I went back to the doc and found out that you can be a "carrier". That means you can never have a sign or sympton but still pass it to your partner. Well, thats how he gave it to me. I've learned to live with the horrible stigma of having an STD, I've learned to let go of the anger over friends that walked out on me when they found out, and I've learned to live with the horrible pain and discomfort I experience during an outbreak, I've even learned to live with the knowledge that none of the medications out work for me, but what I could never live with is knowing I created this hell for someone else. Protection isn't a garuntee you didn't get it or won't give it. You need to be upfront with a future partners explaing the situation even if you never experience it BEFORE sex so they can decide if it's a life sentence they want to chance. I didn't think anyone would want me after that but my 9th wedding anniversary is a couple a months away. Because I was educated and honest - he felt secure in getting educated and trusting me. Everyone deserves the same chance - wouldn't you have wanted it?

Answer 3

Keep using protection and just mention to them that 10 years ago you may have been exposed but you have never had a sore. I think honesty is the best policy with this. Good Luck

Answer 4

I would say if you have never had any outbreaks in the past 10 years that you more than likely do not have it. There is a lot of reading material available on the web that could probably answer your questions better....in fact I can't believe you doctor wasn't more informative. Good luck.

Answer 5

there is such a broad range of types of herpes that most people have had it or been exposed,remember you can be a carrier and never have an outbreak. use protection should you get to the point in your relationship it should be brought up just the same as HIV status

Answer 6

no need to worry anyone or tell anyone just yet. Keep an eye out for any sores in your mouth (if you gave oral) or on your aouth region. When you do just get a culture and go from there. As for now I would say your fine....herpies are transmitted when one has a outbreak. Your wise to use a condom!

Answer 7

Take the test and wait to be sure. you cannot live your life as if nothing wrong happened...

Herpes is serious and ignoring it could ruin your life.Think about your future partners too....

Answer 8

Tell them the truth, exactly what you just told us. If you can have sex with this person you should be able to talk to them about anything. But you need to tell them the truth and let them decide if they want to still have sex or not.

Answer 9

find a doctor with a more concrete..answer... get a diagnosis before having sex. again .and confessing to something you may not have.

Answer 10

tell them nothing because you could tell a lie, you don't know! have fun and stay protected. lol