Okay... remember that stupid bridesmaid that wouldn't get back with me?

Question

(You might need to read my question "Was I mean to the bridesmaid???" if you're not familiar with this question.

Well, now, she's getting back with me finally and asking when and where she should go to get her dress.

I've been childish, I admit, and not returned her emails, but seriously, she's not going to get her dress on time, even with a rush charge applied to the dress.

Her husband also called my fiance and left him a voicemail and said that he and she were ready to come and get fitted and measured, but they want to do it all in the same day. The husband's tux would be fine, and he could get the tux, but the bridesmaid dress won't match the others because it won't come from the same color dye set. (Supposedly.)

I don't want to lose them as friends, and I know my fiance doesn't, either, but they never called us back until this past Sunday. I've been milling over this since then, and the wedding is September 1st.

HELP!

To answer a few questions -
my bridesmaids ordered Alfred Angelo separates and they take about 8-12 weeks to come in. (I have about 8 weeks right now.) The dresses that have been ordered are rushed, and will be in around the first of August. On top of that, I also have two bridesmaids that I'm worried about - one who doesn't drive and relies on her husband, and one from out of town/state who will have to make it up here, too...... and they were both extremely late in getting their dresses, too. They paid the $30 fee for the rush order.

I have since replaced the bridesmaid, and my fiance replaced the groomsman.

NOTE: The dresses have to be ordered! They take 8-12 weeks to come in! I don't have 8-12 weeks! And the dress shop doesn't carry her size!

Answer 1

ok. lets see. I'd be really confused too.
I DID replace my MOH 2 weeks ago. yep 2 weeks before my wedding... because she wasnt doing her job, and she was doing nothing but getting drunk
In your situation, That would be really hard...
Tell them that since they took so long to get back to you, that you had to replace them, since time was out. Make sure she knows that everyone had to pay to get their dresses rushed to them because they waited so long, But I'd offer her another position to do along with her husband, like read a poem or help seat people, help with dinner or something, then they wont be completely left out, but due to timing, it really had to be done a few weeks back. But you are really really sorry.
This way, you're sitll being a nice person about it, and hopefully dont lose a friend.
I DID lose my bestfriend/MOH but, thats the risk I knew I was taking, and I expected it to come, so I prepared myself for the worst before I replaced her.
I'm truly sorry you're stuck in this position, and hopefuly they will understand, if not, then I guess they werent that great of friends to start with.

Answer 2

the first part of this is totally off subject but I loved the way Alfed's dresses looked on the rack when we were trying on for a friends wedding but the sizes were so far off that we came to despise him...anyway I know what you are talking about by them not being the same color once that run of fabric has been used the dyes are never exactly the same. I only had 3 months to plan a wedding before my hubby and i got sent overseas and had to get all of the bridesmaids dresses of the rack b/c there wasn't time to order. If you decide you do want her in the wedding she can see if they have her size or a size bigger and buy it off the rack. Unless it's been there for a really long time the colors should match up.

Answer 3

To be perfectly honest, if I were in your situation I'd ignore her. She had a responsibility when she agreed to be a bridesmaid and that was to take of her dress, certain arrangements, etc. Her not answering while you called over and over again is just horrible, especially so close to the big day. You did the right thing in getting a replacement for her. She is no friend of yours if she can't even return your phone calls. And I take she hasn't apologized either? Or provided an explanation?
I can totally understand that you don't want to lose them as friends, but as I said, her not being available at such a crucial point is uncalled for. Explain to her that because of her irresponsible actions, you had NO CHOICE but to replace her as a bridesmaid. You don't need to apologize either. She accepted her responsibility the second she said "yes" to the honor of sharing your special day with you as a bridesmaid.

Answer 4

Okay, so first of all...There is a TON of time between now and September. If she goes in now, there is absolutely no reason to believe her dress won't be ready in time.

It's hard for me to be on "your side" about her not returning your phone calls, considering you have not been returning her emails.

Sometimes, life happens, and there are reasons why it's tough to get on the phone when it's convenient for someone else. And our friends & family are supposed to love us enough to understand...Have you taken the time to ask her why she has been so out of touch? Perhaps she had a death in the family...Or perhaps she has just taken on a new job that is taking every ounce of time and energy she had (maybe she's on the night shift now, and every time you're available for a phone call, she's at work, and vice-versa).

Don't let it ruin your friendship or your wedding. Ask her to go in to the dress shop right away, so that she can get the fittings done as quickly as possible (maybe she won't need any alterations!).

You can still have the wedding you want, as well as a good friend in your life, if you can just move forward with both, and stop looking at past mistakes.

Answer 5

Decide how much your friendship means to you. Are you trying to decide whether to eject them from your wedding party? You did not return her emails, so this is not entirely her fault, right?

You say she won't be able to get her dress in time, and you say the dress won't match. Which is it? Can she get it in time?

If she can, the dress won't match the others in exact shade, but it should be very, very close. Ask yourself if you are willing to allow any variation in colour.

If you aren't the graceful way out of this is to call your friend (and have your fiancee call her husband within a few minutes of your call) and just tell her that you are sorry the two of you have had this disagreement, but the fact is, the delay in her getting fitted means that the dress won't be right. You are going to have one less bridesmaid, and to balance it, one less groomsman. You hope this won't affect her coming to the wedding and being involved in the rest of the festivities, but you just can't get the dress in time at this late date. Take part of the blame, hope for the best, and if she isn't willing to continue your friendship, at least you know where you stand as a friend.

Answer 6

Forget this chick and her husband. They should be downgraded to "guests" immediately.

Call them up and say, "Flaky (what I'm calling her), I had really hoped that you and hubby could be in my wedding, but because you didn't respond to my e-mails or calls a few months/weeks ago I figured you were too busy. Since I hadn't heard from you in so long, I told the rest of the bridal party to go ahead and order their tuxes and dresses. The shop wouldn't have been able to have all the clothes ready if we had waited any longer. I'm sorry, but there isn't any time left for you to order yours and hubby's dress/tux now. I hope you will still be able to celebrate with us as a guest at our wedding! We'd really miss you if you weren't there!"

Don't inconvenience yourself or anyone else in your bridal party anymore because of these two irresponsible people. As for the late fee, it isn't your bridal party's fault. It would be a nice gesture for you to suck that up for them, or find another place that won't charge the rush fee.

2 months is plenty of time to get bridesmaid's dresses and tuxes. That vendor is trying to squeeze some extra cash out of your bridal party.

Answer 7

Well don't make her pay for a dress she's not gonna wear unless she's in the wedding. Talk to the dress maker and ask them if the dress will be done and in the right shade. If not then tell her that it so last minute and it won't look right if her dress is not the right shade and just be honest with her. It's too last minute. Good luck and congrats!

Answer 8

You need to be honest. Tell her because she didn't respond to your calls and emails that the vendor specifically said she won't get the dress in time for the wedding. Then I would tell them that you still want them to be a part of the wedding, and ask them to perform some other duties.

Answer 9

It is an extemely important day, and your friends should care enough about you to respect your wished and to help smooth things over...but it doesnt seem like they are complying. Maybe there is two sides of the story..If you are being a bridezilla then they may not want to loose you as a friend, but are less cooperative because of your ways..you should evaluate is it YOU or THEM? if it is truly them then let them go...you can find new friends who will care about the most important day of your life.

Answer 10

Dude - you can't get a bridesmaid dress ordered and back before September 1? It's not even JULY yet!!! That's the sillyest thing I have ever heard.