four and five year olds out of control?

Question

My kids seem to be getting worse; they don't listen to anything i say! When i take the out in public they do everthing they're not suppose to and if they don't get what they want the scream sometimes for over 30min. In the house they yell and fight all the time. What can i do?

Answer 1

You should be firmer when you want something done. Don't give in so much. In fact, never give in until they are much older, unless you realize that you are wrong.

Answer 2

This is a pretty difficult age.... I have 9 year old twins who were very much like that at that age......, It isn't going to be easy, but you need to come up with a consistant punishment for their behavior. I really feel like maybe you are a bit more leniant when out in public ( I know I was for a while)....but, I would just leave the store and punish them immediately! They will eventually get the idea that they aren't supposed to behaive this way. Take away things they enjoy when they are bad. Take toys tv anything....that they don't get back until they are good for a period of time... Also, at this age it is very important that you explain to them why they are punished and why it is wrong.... good luck

Answer 3

First of all, don't raise your voice. They have learned that they don't have to listen until you reach a certain decible level. Talk very quietly, especially when you are offering them something they want, like a meal. Speaking of meals, I won't do them any harm if they miss a meal as a result of misbehaving at the table.
Separate time outs should be administered at the first sign of disobedience. Don't wait until they are totally out of control. It's called zero tolerance, and it works. Don't make empty threats. If you say you will spank them if they do a certain thing, then be sure you do so. They crave consistency AND they jtruly desire boundaries. If they don't know what is expected of them, they thrash around until they hit a boundary. Establish rules about outside behavior before you go out, complete with the consequences of breaking the rules.
Consistency and rules.Go for it.

Answer 4

Ok, Mom, this is where you win or lose. Lose now and ...well, it's not good...

So establish a routine for the little darlings. Consider it mini military training. It's summer, so get them up in the morning. Say 8 a.m. when you've had a cup of coffee.

They brush teeth, wash their shining little faces, and get dressed. They eat breakfast and help with the cleanup. They do little chores while you do bigger ones. You're cleaning, they're cleaning. If you approach this the right way, they should enjoy the interaction with you. After chores are done they can watch one program. Then the TV is off. Go online to free preschool curriculum and preschool activity sites and find an activity for them to do. Supervise.

My kids LOVED these activities. They can make puppets, masks, books, color, paint and glue. (Glue: give them a paintbrush and a plate. Put the glue on the plate. Save on Big Mess.)

Lunch. Naps/Quiet time. Required. (Not for them, for you...)

Afternoon Activity. You have it planned. Play outside in the kiddie pool, string large strips of paper or cardboard on the fence and let them paint. Sidewalk chalk, water guns. Whatever they enjoy.

You can go to your local appliance store and get a refrigerator box and a washing machine box. Clip them together with brad clips, cut out windows and doors, and let them paint their "Castle." Kids loved this, too.

Take them to the local wildlife preserve. Go to the park and let them sit in the stream and re-route the water (mine would still be doing this if we hadn't had to leave years ago)....

Buy a sandbox. Make sure it has a cover or it becomes a giant kitty litter box when not in use.

Buy a baseball and gloves. Teach them how to catch and throw.

Have dad BBQ on the weekends. Let the kids help. Have grandpa or Uncle Bob or Aunt Dixie take them fishing. Occupy their time.

Part of not having to discipline is not allowing them to make a choice to not behave.

As inappropriate behaviors crop up, address them. "Joey, we are not going to scream today. Today is No Screaming Day. if you scream, you have to go to bed." or whatever.

Eliminate soda and as much sweets as possible from their diets.

Establish a routine of dinner, bath, and bed. Say, 8 p.m., twelve hours before they get up. Little kids will sleep 12 hours. They should need it once you're done with them.

Have dad teach them how to ride their bikes and take them for bike rides. They're old enough.

Get creative. they are four and five and they will never be four and five again. Enjoy them this summer. Insist on appropriate behaviors. They're bored and spoiled and cranky. Give them something to do.

Answer 5

I have the same problem...I have one that throws tantrums sometimes for an hour... I have a son who hits and treats his sisters bad.. my oldest one picks at the smaller ones.. I cant go in a store without people thinking they are terrible.. and I dont know why.. I am a good mother.. I set rules and I enforce them the best I can.. they are so good at school and day care but at home they turn into monsters.

Everyone says it is normal... I dont know.. I think that maybe it is that I have twins and a 13 year old.. and they just all demand attention in different ways but at the same time.

Answer 6

You need to nip it in the bud NOW or they will walk all over you! First, do not take them anywhere if at all possible. Make that a special treat to go to the store or run errands with mom. Leave them home with Dad or do your errands before picking them up from daycare (not sure of your living situation). Second, at home put them in seperate rooms and leave them there until they calm down. Close the door and keep closing it until they start to behave. Third, if they misbehave at home, take something precious from them (toy, tv, etc) and they can't have it back until they mind you and/or play nicely with each other.
When they are good, reward them. Reward one even if the other is bad. It may turn into a competition for them to see who gets rewarded more. They are craving attention and even bad attention is attention enough. As stated above, put them in timeout in seperate rooms and ignore them. they will want attention, but give it ONLY when they have been good. Best of luck to you.

Answer 7

when I watch my nephew and daughter...3 and 4...they always cause a ruckuss.. So I use my firm voice and if they dont listen, they both go to time out in seperate rooms.
In public, I let them know that if they cry or scream, they will get spanked in front of the whole store. Sometimes I'll let my daughter hold one item...like her favorite cereal or bubble bath and tell her she can keep it if she behaves throughout the whole time we're there.

Answer 8

im actually learning about this now in psychology class.
4-6 is the worst time period to have a child. they learn to curse,lie and just learn alot of bad behavior. but it sounds like u have a permissive parenting style and need to switch to an authoratative one.

you need to establish a system with dergrees to reprimand them with. hittin being only in the most severe of instances and talking to them being on the lighter end. if they verbally argue you cant just yell at them the way you would if they got into a fist fight.

the silent angry look scares alot of children into being good.

have a universal bad guy(an aunt or uncle) that does hit them or take everything away. threaten with that person.

make sure to reinforce good behavior. it will ensure they are enclined to do it more. also have gradients of reward for their good behavior.

Answer 9

I'm not trying to be mean but you spoiled them. And at this point in time you have to be really aggressive. You have to show them that they cant take control of you, Or they'll control you for the rest of your life. You have to threaten them with punishments and give it to them. And you have to start now when there young, when a child is spoiled is whole future is in danger. He has a bigger chance of failing school and just failing life all together.

Answer 10

I went thru this years ago and felt the same way. I think its normal to feel overwhelmed around this time. To put my two cents worth in though, this is the time to start impressing accountability, manners and telling the truth, respect for your elders and to each other. My husband worked two jobs. Are children really needed to learn these things at this early age and reemphasized thru their young years---cause these are problem areas even now. Thats my hindsight. I like Nanny 911 on television, she makes them accountable, I should have done it like her, seriously.

Answer 11

I feel for ya, i think the terrible twos were nothing comparied to the 4 and 5 yr old stage! Just have patience and be firm !When you tell them to stop and they dont reinforce that. These ages dont last forever so good luck and God bless.