Some advice please?

Question

me and my boyfriend are having a hard time figuring this out. We both love eachother very much and want to build a life together, we have a fwe issues. One we both are very stubborn and refuse to negotiate a lot of the time. and Two we both have very strong tempers. We cannot seem to get a handle on what we should do. We do not wnat to call it off as we want things to work out. But whenever we go to talk about we just sit there a list off things that the other person needs to do, we get stubborn we get upset and we fight and argue. Does anyone have any tips or adivce to give me to help us get past these, and get back to what really matters? Thanks

Answer 1

Learn to compromise.

Answer 2

I do believe you want to make it work but to do that are you willing to make a few small changes? If not and you and your boyfriend don't work out you could very easily run into the same problems with your next relationship.

The way you approach one another for one. Rather than listing off things that the other NEEDS to do, why not ask?

I can get quite stubborn myself and when someone tells me that I need to do something I get my back up and it makes me not want to do it. I get angry and hurt by their approach but when someone asks me to do something and I feel that it will be truly appreciated by the other person it makes it much easier and I actually want to do it for them. A simple please and thank you is a start to show your appreciation.

Rather than stating your boyfriend needs to mow the lawn today say "Honey, I would really appreciate if you would mow the lawn some time today or tomorrow. Thanks!" You're showing respect and appreciation for him, his time and his actions.

If you mean changes that you would like to see made within the other person or if there's something they are doing that is hurting you a simple way of expressing that that does not immediately threaten the person or make them feel defensive and cause an arguement is to say:

When you_______ I feel ______. I would like ______.

This is allowing them to see how their actions are making you feel and what they can do to correct the problem. It's calm, it's simple and clear and as I said, does not make them feel they need to put their back up which often leads to unnecessary fighting and the problem remains unsolved.

It's not so much negotiating as in it's your way or his only but making compromises for each other which every couple makes. You and your boyfriend can not always have your own way all the time. Once you start giving a little for your boyfriend he will as well and you'll start to see that you both can have a little of what you want.

You want to go out for dinner and the both of you want to go to different places. Compromise, go to where he wants and the next time you go out you can go where you want. The more you give the more you'll recieve and the happier you will be.

Answer 3

One of you guys need to listen, don"t talk just listen. You may find that if you try the other persons suggestions it may work. fantasize a little. Let the man be a men and lead the way. The woman should be by his side to adjust the errors. Make him feel like a man. Also make the woman feel like a lady. Be sensitive and sweet. Although you all may disagree you should express your thoughts accordingly w/out anger. try it it will work. pamper the woman and stroke the man ego.

Answer 4

If you cannot communicate and be adults, then you both will have problems in any "mature" relationship. I am not talking down to you two, I used to have some issues myself. Even though couple counceling did not save my previous marriage, it truely helped us to communicate. We still communicate almost everyday concerning our 9 year old son, and counceling has allowed us to learn to communicate without getting mad and saying and doing hurtful things. It also has helped me in other relationships with friends and acquaintences.

Answer 5

You need to get this under control just a thought there's classes you can take at a colleges to learn to communicate.

Answer 6

well wen u ppl talk about it although u said u guyz r stubborn...wen u guyz have a list of wat to do...try to remember that u guyz want it to work out so think of that the next time u ppl r being stubborn...
and also just like take like a day and forget about it
like go and watch movies or like just u ppl on a date and forget about ur fights and try to relax a bit

Answer 7

The only thing that you can change about another person is your attitude towards them. If you love him, you will work on your own issues and not focus on his. Realize that he is never going to change. You'll have to accept how he is or it will never work. Good luck!

Answer 8

Keep these thoughts in mind: Being right isn't always most important. Choose your battles wisely.