How do I tell him? I'm the Big P..?

Question

I'm in a huge bind right now..I have just graduated from college but my boyfriend has another year left. I just found out I'm pregnant and he is going to go absolutely crazy..I was on birth control pills and messed up on a few days, it was the whole hype of graduation week, but now im pregnant..I told him once before when my period was late, that I might be pregnant and the guy went crazy and left, but obviously it came, good old birth control..But now that its actually true and for sure I dont even know how to tell him..I'm scared he's going to leave, and I'm so scared what his mom will say..I was thinking about just not telling him for a while because I dont want him and his mom to force me into an abortion because I am not going to do that, i was even thinking about leaving him and never telling him but thats just crazy...And this is my fault because it was me who messed up on my birth control senior week of graduation..What the heck am I going to do?

Oh yeah and his mom sat down at dinner with us one night and made it known that she doesnt want to see any children from us for at least 10 years.. She said we have the rest of our lives ahead of us, so why mess it up now..And I cant really disagree with the lady, I mean she is right about that..

Answer 1

just tell him if he doesn't like it and does not want to be with you its his loss. your baby will be all the happiness you need.

Answer 2

First off - they can't force you to have an abortion, they can ask you to have one, but ultimately you decide.
Now, yes, you made a mistake w/the birth control, but even if you were taking the pills correctly, there was still a small 1% chance you could have gotten pregnant. Since you both are old enough to be in college I am sure that you are both aware that one of the possible outcomes of sex can be pregnancy. So, don't take all the blame. Why wasn't he wearing a condom if he is so worried about pregnancy?
I would tell him that you are pregant, you intend to keep the baby, I would not tell him it's all your fault, and then I would ask what he wants to do. Does he want to be involved? He does need to provide some type of support, so you could keep it out of the courts & come up w/a verbal agreement. Like he supplies diapers, wipes & formula or whatever, since he is still in school & you want him to finish. I will tell you, if you go it alone, it's going to be hard. He seems like someone I wouldn't my child involved with - very selfish. Good luck, but please don't beat yourself up over this.

Answer 3

First of all, it takes two to tango, sorry for the lame cliche. But if you are serious about this guy, you should be able to talk to him about important issues. You obviously have to tell him, if he doesn't support you, he wasn't the one. Now when it comes to what you are going to do...that is your own choice, but you need to be aware of all of your options. You JUST graduated college and you have your entire life ahead of you...I can understand if you don't want to "take care" of the situation to put it nicely...but always keep adoption as an option...There are so many married couples in their 30's who are dying to have babies but can't. You have to decide if you are really ready to become a mother. The first few years out of college are filled with fun and travel oppurtunities, new jobs, new friends, boyfriends etc. Having a baby will change all of that...It's one thing if your guy accepts it and wants to stay with you and you can raise the child together. But as a single mom at 21 or 22 you are going to have to give everything up, when it comes down to it, your baby will always have to come first over everything.
I really think you should look into alternative plans... Have the baby, that's fine, but seriously consider giving it up to a loving, well off family so you and the baby can have the life that you both deserve.

Answer 4

I am 20 years old and i have an 11 month old son. I got pregnant at 19 and i was in college and i was so scared! My husband(boyfriend at the time)'s mother was known for dragging her own daughter to get abortions over 5 times. SO i was terrified. BUT guess what? they cant do anything...its your body. I told my husband and he said we would do this and we would be fine. THEN i come home that night and he is talking abortion because he talked to his mother-so yea im not gunna lie and tell you itll be hard to deal with especially if his mother is like my mother in law..but everything works out in the end, and i promise that. We are now married and i am in school again. His mom did fight me for a while but apologized. I was on birth control pills too...but it takes TWO to get pregnant. If he freaks out, give him time, DO NOT plan anything around him and his family. Plan a life with just you and your baby, because u never know...there are many WIC programs and state programs that will help you with supporting your baby. You have nothing to be upset about because everything will work itself out.. believe me i know! i just went thru it. If you dont have a way to tell him yet...Just say look im pregnant and i wont have an abortion, and make sure u tell him that you would love if he was in your lives, but U can do it without him...if he so chooses. If a man is going to walk out on you because your pregnant or u had a scare, that just shows u right there what is to come in the future from him...ya know? good luck..i know its hard but if i would of known how it really was in the end...i wouldn't of been so upset myself when i found out. The best thing is to just be honest and foward.

Answer 5

If you're not ready for the responsibility of being a parent, please consider adoption. If you feel that having a child now will "mess up" your life the baby would probably be better off with someone who really wants it.

It is *not* entirely your fault--it takes two to tango and if he was really worried he should have been using a condom.

If you want the baby, don't let anyone (him or his mom) convince you otherwise. If he leaves you over it, make sure you get child support--there are lots of ladies out there as single mothers. I don't know what your degree is in, but at least you have it. Put it to use, get a good job, but make sure you don't get pressured to do something you may regret for the rest of your life.

Answer 6

I am constantly amazed at the couples who rely on one form of birth control only. If he freaks out so bad about the very thought, why didn't he use condoms? Especially after a previous scare?
If you're scared to tell because he'll leave or his mom will say something, you're way too immature to have a child. (No one can force you into an abortion, by the way. They can only talk you into one.)
Go to one of the organizations that help problem pregnancies and make arrangements to put the baby up for adoption. And dump that loser of a boyfriend.

Answer 7

Tell him right away. Keeping it a secret only makes it worse. The longer you wait the worse it will be. If he freaks and bails out on you, well there is a lesson in that. Stop spreading your legs unless you are really ready to deal with the consequences. Sex causes pregnancy, no matter how much protection, birth control, whatever you use, those little swimmers are bound and determined to find an egg to join with, and sooner or later the best of precautions mess up. So next time, if you don't want a baby, keep you clothes on.

Answer 8

Well it wasn't planned it was a mistake and an accident, and now you have to live with the consequences. By the way that's his fault too, last time I check it takes two to have a baby. So if you don't want to have an abortion, good for you, but unfortunately if you already know what's gonna happen then you still have to tell him. He might freak out for a while and so will his mom, but if she's a good mom, believe me eventually she will come around.
So girlfriend. Stand tall and tell them the truth. After that it will be one day at the time.
I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 9

Well, your bf's mom is right. You are very young, and this is not the best time according to circumstances for you to have a baby. But, you are going to. And your baby thinks this is the PERFECT time for you to have a baby. And God odviously thinks so too. So CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! You are gonna be a mommy! That is so awesome!!!! We as people plan and plan and plan, and sometimes the very best things in life do not fit into our plans, Thank God for that. I knew a little girl who was 14 when she got pregnant. Her bf was 18. Everyone was freaking out. She was so stuborn though. She absolutely refused to give this baby up for adoption. Everyone shook thier head and said, "how sad. She will never finish school. The relationship will never last. tsk tsk tsk." But, that little girl applied herself. She took as many classes as she could. She went to summer school. She graduated high school at the age of 16. She went on to college, and graduated with a degree in computer programming at the age of 18. Oh, did I forget to mention that her and her bf got married before the baby was born? I did didn't I? She lived with her mom, and her mom refused to let her and her husband sleep in the same room. LoL. Her and her husband both worked very hard and saved money, and bought a home, and vehicles. They recently bought thier second home, and now have two children. They are still crazy about each other. Thier son is almost 12 now. Thier little girl is 6 yrs old, and has her daddy completely wrapped. I wish you the very best. You will make it. This little life will bless your life, and your boyfriend's too if he will let it. Tell him soon. He might freak out at first, be prepared for that. But tell him this story. God Bless You and your blooming little family.

Answer 10

If your plan is never to abort then you need to tell him. It may have some harsh reality but you have to be strong. Maybe he will be mad at first and eventually come around. Not telling and running off is not good either if he finds you later down the road there would be even more explaining to do. And when having a baby both parents should be involved because doctors need to know the families history if the baby was to have some abnormal things going on. Pray on it

Answer 11

I don't really know how to tell him but you do owe it to him to tell him. Yes you may have messed up with your pills but he is still responsible for the baby also. If you do not believe in abortion you do not need to have one no one can force you into something you don't want to do. If you don't feel like you can raise a child at this time there are many good families out there that are more than willing to adopt a child.