Is this wrong?

Question

My boyfriend of 3 years just decided to pick up and join the navy without even telling me or anything. I just came home one day and he said "I have to go to Harrisburg tmrw to take a test for the Navy." Uhh wtf? I mean yeah we aren't married but it just seems to me that he could have at least warned me? IDK. But now we have to break up also bc of it. I understand that this is important. It's not that I don't want him to go and I don't want to be selfish....but now what? I feel so empty. I cannot think of anything else. I can't eat or sleep. And I when I do get a little sleep I wake up and that's the first thing I think about and cry all day long. Any help/ideas?

Answer 1

Seems to me that if he loved you as much as you appear to love him, then he would have talked to you about this before jumping the gun. Talk about selfish. I'm afraid all i can offer is a cyber hug dear. Give yourself time to get over him and then move on with your life. Keep yourself as busy as possible and don't spend time alone.

Answer 2

Yes, it's very wrong. 3 years together and this decision comes out of nowhere? Don't wait around for him. Keep a friendship, offer support -- if you think he'd be a good friend to hold on to. You don't want more than that from him though. If in 3 years he never felt close enough to you to allow him to confide and discuss dreams, goals, and possiblities for the future both as individuals and as a couple, then he likely isn't going to change. Do you want to always be an outsider in the relationship, trying to guess at what he really thinks? Physical attraction and having fun are important, but that only gets you so far without communication and respect.

Answer 3

My question to you is why do you have to break up? Is this something HE decided, or did you decide?
Whether your man consults you or not, its ultimately his decision to join the military, and trust me, he probably would've done it whether he discussed it with you or not. Loving someone in the military can be hard, I'm not going to lie to you, but relationships CAN work!! If you truly love eachother, no matter how far apart you two are, you can make it work. 3 months after I started dating my boyfriend he left for basic training for the Army National Guard. After those 9 weeks he left for AIT for another 5 months. I got to see him for 5 days at Thanksgiving [I flew to San Antonio to see him] and 2 weeks at Christmas. During the time apart, and yes it sucked, we wrote letters to eachother and he called me every chance he got. I knew he'd never cheat on me because he loved me that much, and I couldn't imagine being with someone else. The point is: if you love eachother and trust eachother, IT CAN and WILL work out! You don't have to end your relationship because of it. Lots of other women are going through the same thing you are. And we've all made it through some form of long distance relationship. Talk to your man and tell him your concerns, its possible he might feel the same way. I recently found out mine is getting deployed to Afghanistan next year. Its not going to be easy, but we'll make it through it. Don't give up!

Answer 4

WOW I'm sorry you had to get told that way. It must be hard. But maybe he never brought it up to you because he feels the same about you. He probably wants to better himself by going and serving and the experience. But did you ever think that maybe he didn't mention it because he knew once he started telling you and what your reaction might be, he might back out and he didn't want to. Or maybe he thought by doing it this way you guys would be able to get over it easier or faster.(which probably won't work if you guys love eachother) But maybe that's why. I think you just need to sit him down and tell him how you feel and ask him how he feels, so at least it was told and you guys wont have any regrets about not telling eachother your real feelings. Good Luck!!

Answer 5

CHANGE is constant ; is unstoppable.
You say "Is not that I do't want him to go"but what u r trying to say is "I don't want him lo live...", likje "I don't want him to liveme alone..."
Well, is not hard finding a replesment ; I mind that girls have always a bunch of "admires" and secret admires, what happen is that we try to hid it....
Now if your actual BF rather be in the Navy , going from port to port, visiting his gorlfriends, he is going to have plenty of fun!!
What about U?!

Answer 6

yes he should tell you and discuss with you before he made that decision. take note of his attitude when you express your frustration and if he doesn't seem to feel apologetic or show you concern, consider moving on and of all, choose a right partner logically.

Answer 7

girl try to do something that will divert your attention..better if you go out with your friends...if you two are meant for each other then fate will find ways...it's not the end of the world maybe there's someone much better that is really meant for you.

Answer 8

maybe he didn't tell you because he wants to get away. Discuss this with him...sorry your hurting....ask him what will happen with you two. For him to make a decision without consulting you was very insensitive.

Answer 9

He should have told you this was on his mind, sounds like he's trying to get away from something.

Answer 10

he prob thought if he told you that you would try to change his mind and leave him!! so he didnt but it still ended up in you guys braking up!! you guys still could have stayed together but ohwell, you know you could always try to get him back if you truly love him