I hate life and it never seems to get better...?

Question

I hate my life, nothing is right, everything is always going wrong. I feel as if I am having a breakdown. No amount of tears are helping me and it seems as though there is nothing that can fix anything in my life anymore.

I can't continue like this and I don't know what to do. I feel as if everything is so completely out of my control and it realistically is.

I am in therapy, under care of pcp and psych and on meds. I am also Bipolar and f*** (excuse me)

it all just really completely stinks and I am close to the bottom. I have been there before and that is some where I can never go again...it is a danger to my life (2 previous suicide attempts).

I am trying to keep my head above water, but the fight is just becoming too much for me. And my God, someone please tell me how to stop the tears.

I just hate life, I really do.

Thanks for listening and letting me vent!

Yes, you are right change. But the issue is I can only change what is in my control and all of these things in my life going wrong are out of my control.

Husband is in Africa, stuck on business, got robbed, etc...

Someone the other night shot a bullet thru my window aiming for my head missed me by about 3 inches

My son has Asperger's

With hubby gone I am financially strapped

Paranoid schiz neighbor who esclated and thinks I am out to get het...dangerous

Divorced from a nasty man who was abusive in all areas

I don't really see much I can change here and the list just goes on and on and on.

Honestly, I am not feeling sorry for myself. I am a very strong person and it is only lately that I am seeking support here.

I am not focusing on my mental health issues. Yes there are times we all do, but if you see my partial list...Bipolar and such is not there. Maybe I should not have listed that.

Answer 1

Oh my - you are at about your wits end, aren't you. Do not fear, help has arrived; and I'm not talking about myself here.

Let me tell you where I'm coming from, before I tell you where I'm going. I am not a religious man, but I am spiritual in that I do believe in God, and I talk to him on a regular basis. In fact, I talk to him every time I damned well please! I don't think he gets tired of hearing from me because I speak mostly of thanks, and gratitude; and, I have certainly survived some pretty strange events in my years. Now, more to the point of my reply:

I believe the Universe is comprised of two energies; one being positive, and one being negative. I also believe that the positive energy has far greater power than does the negative. That's not to say there is more of it, just that it has greater power. However, the negative SEEMS to be more pronounced because it is SO pronounced. Think of it this way. It's easy to take the good times; they are fun and enjoyable, and they tend to roll off of us like water on a duck. But it's hard to take the bad times because they suck, you don't want to have anything to do with them, and they seem to stick like glue. Therefore, when bad times, or difficulties present themselves, THEY are pronounced and tend to overshadow all of the good energy that is constantly flowing around, and in and out of you. Here's the trick: Do not ignore the negative energy, because it is there and needs tending to; however, pay more attention to the positive energy that is even more powerful!

I highly recommend a book entitled, Power vs Force, by Dr. David R. Hawkins. He has all of the "Ds" in his credentials, i.e. M.D, PhD.... Anyway, this book is an easy read. There may be a few passages that you might have to read two or three times over, but on the whole he makes himself clear to those of us who are laymen. This book will give you a perspective about all that has been, all that is, and all that can be, like you have never known before.

I just checked with Amazon.com and they have this book in paperback for: new at $10+small change, and used at $6+large change, both with some small shipping charge.

Do yourself, your family and friends a huge favor here... make a RATIONAL decision to buy and study (notice I didn't say read) this book before you make any IRRATIONAL decisions.

God bless you, and be with you! If you let him, I KNOW he will be! God IS love, and you need not take my word for it... look at all of those before me who have responded to your call for help in like kind.

You have my email address. I have a plethora of first hand, personal experiences I can give you to back up my beliefs. As I said, "I have experienced, survived, and later thrived following some pretty strange things and happenings in my mere 59 year moments in this life.

Answer 2

You are doing all the right things. Seeking help etc. Are you taking your meds exactly as you should? I know it is a tough road. I have a 16 year old with ADHD and bipolar. We are very careful on how she takes her meds. And she has a good support system. What you have to realize is that you are just like everyone else. Do not tell your self you are different. Everyone has different obstacles to deal with through out their lives. This just happens to be yours. So embrace your life. Try to educate other people about your condition. Turn it into something positive. Too many people do not know enough about many conditions and it is up to people like us to spread the word. I have Lupus and instead if feeling sorry for myself I have been an advocate. So grab a hold of life. Follow you meds to a "T". See you doctor as recommended. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 3

I checked out your profile and you have so much to live for. You have a children and a grandchild and you say, a wonderful husband! Okay, you have mental health problems but so do millions of other people in the world. If you live in a house and have food to eat and live in a safe place, stay on your medication and continue the professional help you receive, the only thing you can do is get up each day and be thankful and just get on with it! Try not to focus on your mental health issues all the time. The fact that you are a top contributor to this forum shows that you are capable of getting out of bed and functioning as a human being. If you are going through a particularly bad time at present, perhaps you should go to the Emergency Room of your local hospital and ask for help. You must keep yourself focused on trying to feel better. Just take baby steps, spend time with postive people, sit in the sunshine and listen to some soft relaxing music. My family has a history of mental health problems so I know where you are coming from. I have been in and out of psych wards with my siblings for years as they go in and out of their mania, psychosis and bad times. They are all so "into" themselves, they don't seem to be able to think there are other people in the world suffering just as much if not more (think terminally ill people or starving children) I know you have had a troubled past but you must concentrate on NOW and the fact that you have a loving family is more than a lot of people ever have in their lifetime.

Answer 4

hi myluvallen, I hope you are feeling a little better at this time, as you are such an important person in this universe I would imagine to a lot of people, going by the huge effort you always put into just this section of your life and the caring way you always answer people in need. Looking at all the genuine response you have already received is an indication you are very much valued in this little corner of the world.

Answer 5

I lived the past 6 years of my life just like you. It's hard, I know. You CAN overcome it. You have to find pleasure in small things. I've found that having a routine helps me alot.

I know it's kinda bordering on OCD now, but it's better than how I was living before. I actually did the electroshock treatments.

I actually went off all of my meds in October 06. I was on 9 total. I lost 70lbs and feel really good. Everyday is still somewhat of a struggle, but you have to push past it. Find something that you like to do, something that takes your mind off your pain...even if it is getting lost in a book or a tv show.

Remember...everything you do is a choice. Getting up in the morning instead of sleeping the day away, taking a shower instead of laying on the couch...take it minute by minute if you have to, but EVERYTHING you do, you have a choice.

I hope this helped a little bit. I hope you feel better soon.

Answer 6

When my life started to slip I knew I couldn't stand to just sit there and let it slip further away from me. You can't let the disorder win. Don't let it control you. You helped me and now I'm going to help you. We have this disorder, and now what can we do? I refuse to take medication to control it or alter my chemical imbalance. Nature has a cure, and that's your children. Your son may have aspergers, but he's still your son. Take them out, take yourself out, indulge on the finer things in life, you deserve it. If you can't because you're financially unstable, there are many things you can get into that don't involve $$. I, for example, take my kids (who are my dogs) to the park, to the lake, hang out with friends, I work out, kickboxing is a great tension release. Yoga and Pilates for flexibility, and relaxation. Meditate. I do all these things and it keeps me out of my dark hole, it keeps me from thinking of all the negativity that brought me to that dark side of life. Think positively, no matter how hard it may be! Just let it all go...take a deep breath and know that everything will be alright, because you have a wonderful husband, you have wonderful beautiful children and things can only get better from here on out. I'm telling you the more you focus on the negative, the more it will just drag you down. Be happy!

Smile! and I'm here for you. You are definitely not alone in this.

Hugs,

Jen

Answer 7

Being in therapy is a good sign. Life is very precious. To help you see this, visit the nursery at your local hospital or visit terminally ill patients or a home for severely handicapped people. Some people cant get out of their beds and are prisoners in their own bodies, be glad and enjoy that you have LIFE. Good luck.

Answer 8

Sorry to hear about your misery and fraility.
I think you are focussing too much on yourself. Let go and be loose. Don't think too much about your weakness. Look around you. f I were you I would go to a very busy place. Step back and observe the way the people walk, the things they carry, their accents, clothes, faces, colour, smell, eyes...
Acknowledgemen is the first step. Now you must pass beyond that stage...good luck and have a great weekend.

Answer 9

You can go about this one of two ways.
1. sit back... it only gets worse.
2. get up go out, and proactively change all the elements in your life that you dont like.

Have you ever noticed none of these problems were problems 15 or 20 years ago. now they have everyone so medicated and dependant you cant ever get out.

Im not Tony Robbins but you do have the ability to change your own life

Answer 10

What kinds of things are you interested in? What do you want to do when you get older? When I hit rock bottom, and I was going to 3 different kinds of counselors a week, (and one would even have to come to my house every week!), they asked me questions about what I like to do, what I'd want to do, if I like to help people, and how I can change the bad situation into a good one. I decided that instead of realizing what is bad in my life, realize all of the good things that are in your life. Make a list of all the good things in your life, and f*** the bad things. Dont even think about them. I'm not a religious person or anything (however, I do like paranormal stuff like ghosts hunts, evps, stuff like that, if you're interested in that type of stuff, join a paranormal group in your city, you'll have a hell of a good time), but every night before you go to bed (and I swear this works) ask God to take control of the problems in your life, tell him that you're incapable of handling them anymore. I think things will get better for you within a few weeks. Like I said, I'm not a religious person, I've only been to church like 3 times in my life, but try this. Do it every night before you go to bed!! Also, make that list of good things that you have in your life, everyday....you will see more things adding up onto that list! I hope this helps, you can always talk to me if you want!