My MIL is nearly an invalid, my FIL has just had a hernia operation and is bi-polar but won't take medication. I have been married for 24 yrs and I have never felt that I was ever good enough for MIL's son and our children have been virtually ignored. I got over this 10yrs ago. I told my husband 10yrs ago that I would not look after his parents if they ever needed carers. I told him 2 nights ago the same thing. I told him I was being honest and could not cope with caring for them. I just can't do it, I'm just not that sort of person. So his sisters told him we had to look after them this weekend. I blasted his sister for not asking me and then told her that I couldn't do it at all, after this weekend. I thought being honest my husband would understand, but he just thinks I should care for them as they are family. We have had a huge argument with me losing it and screaming at him that I just can't cope with being a carer. I feel his loyalty to his parents always comes before me.
2007-06-29 01:08:53 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He has every reason to be loyal to his parents. No, you shouldn't be forced into being a caretaker, but it doesn't seem like their asking you to be there on call 24 hours a day. You should take care of them like they are family, because they are. Perhaps there was some bad blood and resentment in the past, but it's time to let that go for the sake of your husband. You by no means have to be a nursemaid, but one weekend shouldn't kill you.
2007-06-29 01:13:58 · answer #1 · answered by Rachel-Pit Police-DSMG 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Grow up. You should respect his parents for the position they hold in your life. Not because they have done anything to deserve your respect. Your sister in law was right to ask your husband. Your husband was right to accept responsibility for a weekend. The question is, do you love your husband enough to do this for him for a weekend? You aren't doing it for them, you're doing it for him. Be thankful that you aren't doing it all the time. By saying that you aren't a carer doesn't help your marriage any; what if he's in an accident and needs care. You've now told him for years that's not your cup of tea. I think I'd take a deep breath and think about all I have to be thankful for and then start acting like a caring wife.
2007-06-29 09:37:12 · answer #2 · answered by aggiegrad84 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's much more to this than arguing over who cares for the elderly parents.
My question to you is - why do YOU have to be the primary care giver in this situation? What about your husband? Can't he care for HIS parents - who have obviously been mean to you - with his approval?
I suggest you consider what your marriage is doing to you - you're obviously not happy - especially when you don't get your way (mal-treatment by his parents notwithstanding). And he's not about to honor his vow to love, honor and cherish you - much less his promise to forsake all others.
In other words, You both are behaving badly. You don't get your way - so you scream and shout - (a sign of selfishness, perhaps). He won't stand up to the way his parents are treating you - so he's being disloyal and breaking his wedding vows (a sign of cowardice, perhaps).
I urge you to get counseling - even if he won't go - go by yourself - to evaluate just what your marriage means to the both of you.
2007-06-29 10:34:25 · answer #3 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your husband should have respected your views. Next time you have to care for them, feel free to hire a nurse. There are many available on a temporary even hourly basis. I think this is a great compromise. You should not have to feel forced to care for someone. You will only grow to resent them.
2007-06-29 08:50:23 · answer #4 · answered by jackie_jackie_bo_backie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is not your job.tell him if HE wants to split time with his sister thats great.you will remain at home and thats that.if he belittles you for that tell him that you have never been respected by them,you are not comfortable around them and your not doing it.then remind him when it comes time to take care of your parents or anyone else that you will not ask anything of him.
2007-06-29 09:39:09 · answer #5 · answered by marilynfsmgm 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like they have earned your caring for them...Let someone they have been good to care for them...And, if you have always felt you were never good enough for their son,,,,that's your issue....get over that now!!! I'm sure you are!!!!
2007-06-29 08:45:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't know that's hard. I wouldn't want to either but I cant say I wouldn't.
2007-06-29 08:28:20 · answer #7 · answered by panda 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋