is my girl friend overreacting ????????

Question

alright.. here is the thing... i hate being on bad terms with people... even if they are my ex GFs who have hurt me.. i maintain a cordial relationship with each of them... like yesterday i met one of my ex for dinner ....

i even told my girl that i was going out with her.. never hide anything from her ever... when i came back i even told her of what we did.. and what our conversation was about....

she just doesnt seem to handle it well.. she freaks out on how i choose not to make her my priority.. and how i dont care about her feelings...

now i aint the cheatn kinds.. am honest about everything.. but she is putting me in a spot of choosing between her and maintaining contacts with my ex (who have been friends for a long time)..

i dont have a prob with her meeting her ex.. but chooses not to have any contact with them.. and wants me to be the same

how do i handle this am i wrong in being in touch with my ex ????

let me add.. my ex stays about 3000 miles away.. and was in town for an evening ???

my current Gf and i are in a long distance relationship ??

Answer 1

yep sounds like you want your cake and eat it. if something is over its over why are you hanging on to the past? unless there are children involved i think your current girlfriend has a valid point

Answer 2

Ex GFs are always seen as a threat. Now it may be her (Your GF) insecurities, it may be that you seem to care more about keeping in contact with an ex than making your current GF happy. Or, perhaps, it could be a mixture of both.

There are a few things you have to ask yourself:

1. Why do you feel the need to maintain that level of contact - going out to dinner with an ex?

2. Is maintaining that contact worth losing your girlfriend over?

3. Is making your girlfriend happy worth distancing yourself from your ex?

If you can answer those three questions then maybe you can find the solution to your problem. Keep in mind that women tend to see things on a much deeper level and keeping in contact with exes or just one in particular is not a good sign in their books. This is especially the case if she has no desire to do so either - she is looking for you to have the same mentality. Friend or not your ex is still just that - an ex.
I hope it works out for you though.

Answer 3

You have got to let go. If the person you are with is unhappy, then you gotta do what ever makes them happy. Your first sentence was "you hate being on bad terms with people". If your girl friend is unhappy, then you are creating bad terms.

I know you are not doing anything wrong, because you are not cheating and you are very honest. But why not just let go of the ex. Or if you two are really good friends, then why not invite your current girlfriend with you. If you do this, then you all can be friends. And your current girlfriend won't feel as threatened.

But you really need to let the past be in the past. Move on. You can't keep all the baggage from every relationship you have ever been in.

Just because you don't talk to your ex, or hang out with your ex, doesn't mean you are on bad terms with them. It just means that you are moving on and making your new gf happy.

Answer 4

Long distance relationships are tough and the fact that you are friends with your ex simply adds to her paranoia. You have to understand just a little where she is coming from, sometimes we all get a little insecure. Although, you have been honest with her, and she should appreciate that a little. She is going to have to learn to trust you and relax. You want to be with her, they are your ex's for a reason. If you give up this friendship to make her happy, there will only be someone else in the future that will make her freak out and then you will have to give up yet another friendship, this will never end. If you give in now, she will only do it again because she knows she can get away with it. This is her issue not yours and she needs to relax and realise you want to be with her and no one else. If she does not tackle this emotion now, it will always rule her. I was a very jealous person when I met my other half but I soon realised that it was pointless and a waste of energy. If you are going to cheat, you will do it (not saying you will) and there is nothing she can do to prevent that. All she is doing is pushing you away and she will end up lonely if she doesn't stop.

Answer 5

Well first of all some women are really uncomfortable with their boyfriends meeting and regular seeing their ex's because they think you could be doing things that are considered cheating. And your girlfriend is not out of line saying the things she is. While your thinking were just friends she knows that ex and you did have something before and she is worried it might heat back up. While I understand that you are not a mean guy when it goes to breaking up with your girlfriends you might want to consider taking your girlfriend along when you go out with them. While you are telling your girlfriend what you did and where u are going she still doesn't know exactly what you did. And as watching that new show about when the ex meet back up that would scare anybody(its on mtv). Be careful because in the end do you love your girlfriend enough to give up your ex's cause if not then you need to break up any way because if you can't give something up for her then she is no the one.

Answer 6

The thing is, you didnt invite her along did you, had you of done this she wouldnt have sat at home by herself wondering what you were getting up to and what you and your ex were doing. A meal is generally assumed to be a romantic meeting between two people, or at least an intimate situation whereby you are in very close proximity to someone and are facing them. I think your girlfriend reserves the right to not be okay with it-she was afterall excluded and thats not a nice feeling especially when she is being excluded to your ex. Why didnt you take your girlfriend along, that way it would have been a 'friends' situation and you would have all had a chance to talk and it may have even changed your girlfriends perception of your exes. Rather than seeing them as a threat which she now does, she may have seen them as equals or as half decent people. I think you are in the wrong here and should consider who is more important to you-your ex wouldnt have been put out have you of invited your partner along, but by not inviting her you have probably left her feeling more weary about the people you once went out with.

Answer 7

before i even read it my answer was yes, bc woman do tend to overreact.
No you are not in the wrong, You did everthing u are suppose to and more as in telling her where u were going and who u were seeing.
The best way to resolve this problem is: next time you go to see your ex invite ur gf to go with you. Let them get to now each other and she will be more trusting.
Depending on how well you know her (more how she reacts): say to her: "i am not willing to break friendship with anyone. and if you dont trust me then we may aswell call it a day, bc trust is the most important thing in a relationship." Ask her: "have i ever lied to you?" if the answer is no ofcourse. And say to her: "you say i dont care about your feelings, if i didnt then i wouldnt tell you about going to meet my ex"
To be honest with you, if you dont love her tell her that she better lighten up, or its over.
Bc a woman like that is just to much hard work & stress.

Answer 8

Sounds as if your GF has some trust issues and have been cheated on in the past. That shouldn't be your problem. I also see no reason to stop talking to the ex when she lives 3000 miles away. There really isnt much you can do in regard to your GF's insecurities but help her recognize them and work on her trust issues.

Answer 9

no she is not over reacting
you are being dispiccable towards her
ex means ex
dont do this to the woman who loves you
it's so disrespectful
apologise and see if she's prepared to still be with you
cordiality can mean a lot of things but maintaining relationships with ex gf is cheating or aiming to in most womens books.
Why did you even tell her!!!!

Answer 10

Well it depends on how much time you spend with your ex. But even if you only spend an hour a month you just have to let your current girlfriend know that she is your ex. Oh and don't tell her about what you did with your ex unless she asks, she thinks your rubbing it in her face.

Answer 11

using honesty has an excuse for doing what you want is bull sh_t. I dont care what you so. I think your gf should go out with one of her x's and see how you feel about it. No you shouldnt take one of your x's to dinner and if you think its the right thing to do then stop blowing your own horn for a minute and ask yourself "am i considerate of other ppls feelings". If my husband ever said :hey baby just taking my x out for dinner, cuase i dont want to be on bad terms with her". I would say "fine baby, dont forget to pick up your suitcase on the way out the door. Get a grip mate.