It was senior spring break in college, and everyone was planning to go on great trips. I have a great bunch of friends (4 other guys). I also have a girlfriend who I am very close to and serious with, however she never got to make a friends circle that was strong of her own. Because of this, she spent the most time with me and my friends circle and for the most part there was no problem with this. She even became good friends with all of my friends. However, for spring break we went on an all guy trip ( just me and my boys) and had a blast. It was something we had been planning since freshman year. However, she was extremely depressed and upset because she couldn't go and she didn't have anyone else to go with because she wasn't as close to anyone else. She was very mad at me and kept asking my why, and I kept saying because it has to be this way because we want a guys only trip, a last time to be together. Bascially, this was a poor and sexist reason for her, and I agree with her.
2007-06-28 22:49:05 · 12 answers · asked by qugesi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
However, was I terribly wrong in what I did? I feel as if it was the right thing to do, and the wrong thing to do at the same time. I was very sad to see her in such a bad state, and I would have taken her with me if I had to go through it again.
Truthfully, however, I had a wonderful time and I would not have had the same time with her there. It is nothing against her, it is just that when I am with only my guy friends we are very comfortable, we can talk about any thing without holding back. Most of us have serious girlfriends that we are very committed to, so none of us would think about being unfaithful on the trip. We were just a relaxed bunch that did whatever and were free.
I am ashamed to say this, but things are just different with women around. Although they are wonderful, it is just important for me to have "GUY TIME".
Also I feel like it was my fault that she couldn't make more friends because we got into the relationship early and she stayed with me.
2007-06-28 22:53:51 · update #1
When I told her that none of the other guys are bringing their girlfriends, her reply was "Well none of them go to the same school as them, and I spent alot of my college moments with these guys and they are like my friends too, so why am I being excluded?"
I had no reasonable answer except "we have been planning this for four years and I am sorry, the other guys won't allow it (they explicitly said no girls even after i tried to persuade them)
Would it have been right to not go at all?
2007-06-28 22:56:56 · update #2
We have moved on since then and our relationship is finally back to were it used to be.
But it will always be a sore spot and I am getting the feeling she will always hold it against me ( "look you did this to me and so you can't tell me this or that")
2007-06-28 23:02:29 · update #3
No matter how strong and close any relationship is, there should always be times when each person in the relationship spends time with others.
Having a trip with "the boys" is not a sexist thing, or a negative thing. She should have used the time to catch up on things she doesn't get done when she's busy spending all of her free time with you guys - reading a book, taking a fun class, getting all dolled up with a manicure/pedicure/haircut for when you return.
If you two cannot spend time with people outside of your relationship, separately, it is likely that you will become dependent on one another and end up making each other miserable. If you love her, tell her so. Also remind her that you've been planning this trip since before she was in the picture, and it would have been unfair to change the parameters of the trip to include her.
And, now that you have returned, spend some time spoiling her and making up the lost time with her.
2007-06-28 22:55:19 · answer #1 · answered by devyl gyrl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it wasn't a poor and sexist reason! Geeeez. You had every right to want to have this trip the way you had planned to all along and as long as having a blast doesn't mean having sex with other girls, then she just needs to get over it and grow up. If she can't, well, what more can be said? Men and women in relationships have every right and plenty of need to have friends and events in their lives that are not shared experiences. It makes life interesting and allows each to continue growing as an individual. It sounds kind of like your girlfriend needs more of a life of her own so she can separate herself from viewing herself as a part of you. She needs to be able to see herself as an individual person or she will be an emotional cripple the rest of her life.
2007-06-29 05:57:52 · answer #2 · answered by naniannie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you and your guy friends have been planning this trip since you were freshmen. It wasnt fair to them if you brought her along. That they didn't bring any of their girlfriends. Your answer to her was not poor nor sexist it was the truth. It is not your fault that she did not make plans of her own or that she is jealous of your trip. There is no need to apologize to her for plans that were made before her time. For a senior in college she is acting like a freshman in highschool. Ps yes I am a girl.
2007-06-29 05:53:50 · answer #3 · answered by D and G Gifts Etc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you were wrong in giving her that reason but i also think that it would also be good for your girlfriend that you didn't take her with you because as you said it was a guy trip and also it would make her realize that she has to finds friends besides your buddies so at least when when you're with your buddies she would feel less depressed and less mad at you.
2007-06-29 05:56:45 · answer #4 · answered by =x 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you were wrong! I can understand wanting to have a guys trip, but if it was at the expense of someone you cared about and you knew that it would hurt her you were wrong. Loving someone is never doing something that would hurt them.... Leaving her alone when you knew she was depressed and upset is no way for a boyfriend to act!
2007-06-29 05:53:11 · answer #5 · answered by helicopterjen 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Gee, it's not a sexist reason.
You have a right for a guy time.
Your girlfriend certainly have girls' time which you're excluded.
Just be patient with her.. I mean reaaally patient.
Don't try to argue, you'll lose (believe me hehehe..)
Hopefully she'll realize that you didn't mean to hurt her feeling
2007-06-29 06:13:58 · answer #6 · answered by Shopaholic 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not really. You have a right to enjoy yourself with your buddies. You are not married yet. She could have gone home to her family, or made other plans. It was selfish of her to try to make you feel guilty about having fun with your guy friends.
2007-06-29 05:54:25 · answer #7 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you really did...but there's no turning back now..youve already done it..and you shoudnt have told her that "you decided its an all guys trip"... that is very wrong indeed..
just apologize and tell her you will make it up to her...
she might think that you are prioritizing your guy friends better than her now that you told her bout that all-guys trip..
apologize now, or bnever and pay the consequences
2007-06-29 05:51:39 · answer #8 · answered by paola 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
u are wrong for doing that. what is the real reason why u excluded her? were u hoping to meet girls during spring break or something? if u were, then i feel really bad for her.
2007-06-29 05:51:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
orange pez with the cookie monster dispenser are definatly a hot gift this year.
2007-06-29 05:53:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋