Can this relationship be saved?

Question

I was married 12 yrs.Have been divorced 3yrs.I started dating this great guy last Sept.He had been married 20 yrs.We got along so well and had so much in common and the same thoughts on most things.The first time we ever talked on the phone it lasted 14 hrs.We have both been hurt in the past.In March of this year he decided we was getting to close and he broke up with me. He thought we should date other people and see if down the road we still had the same feelings.We are still friends and he will call or text me everyday to see how i'm doing. He told me a few nights ago the feelings hadnt changed on his part. They havent on mine either. Should i just wait and see what happens? Or try and get over the love that i have for him?

Answer 1

give him a couple of more months, if things don't change tell it is time for you to move on with your life. that should give him the kick in the pants he probably is needing

Answer 2

I'd proceed with caution. In my experience, when a guy tells you that he thinks that "we're getting too close" it usually means "hey, this other girl looks really hot- I wanna bang her like a set of drums". The reality is that he probably broke up with you because he saw something he thought was better & then kept in touch with you in case it didn't work out, in which case he could tell you that he still had feelings.

Now my question is this: Why would he ever want to be with anyone other than you? I don't know you, but I'm sure that you are the cat's meow. Why should he need to date anyone else? If he was really & truly into you he wouldn't need to take any time away from you. Maybe he was really scared about getting too close, but why wouldn't he just talk it out with you? If you really trust him, keep at it. Just tell him that the next time he decides to get "space" that it's over.

Another question I have is whether or not it is an internet relationship. If it's long distance you may want to cut it a little short. Yes, it is possible to have a successful long distance relationship, but it doesn't happen as often as people would think. There are more needs to a relationship than just emotional ones. Physical love is a day to day necessity, & by that I don't just mean sex (which is important), but hand holding, hugging, & touching. Unless one of you is willing to move to be near the other person, cut him loose. That is probably why he wanted to break up: he found someone nearby that could satisfy those urges.

Answer 3

I think that since it has been almost four months that it wouldn't hurt to maybe start dating a little. You said the feelings are still there for the both of you, it couldn't hurt. I mean you have been apart and you still feel things for eachother, that is great. Give it a try, you don't have anything to lose because right now you aren't really dating, so if it doesn't work out then just go back to being friends, you have already done it before. Good Luck!

Answer 4

If you were patient enough to be married for 12 YEARS... then being patient for someone that you already know is in love with you should be easy :) Just take your time and and let him take his. You've both been hurt before and it's hard to forget that sometimes, right? Building a stronger friendship right now before things get any more serious will make a huge difference later on. Good luck to the both of ya :)

Answer 5

I would just tell him this. I love you, do you love me? He will say yes. Then ask him to stop being scarred. He got to close to you and realized that he could get hurt. So he put space in between you and him.

So you need to draw attention to that. Ask him what is going to change between now and a couple of months, other than him being afraid of being hurt again? Everybody is afraid of being hurt. I am trying to work out things with my wife right now, and she has hurt my feelings before. So even I am afraid of being hurt. It is common, but it isn't the fear, it is what you do when you are afraid. Don't run away, deal with it.

I wish you luck, but why he did what he did is crystal clear.

Answer 6

If he claims he still loves you but refuses to get back together, he's got another woman on the side somewhere. My guess would be he 'started dating other people' before he actually suggested it. Don't let him play you. Tell him it's now or never, if he loves you he'll make the commitment to be together again, if he can't, it's for a reason that may never be resolved, and it's time to move on and find a man who will love you the way you deserve to be loved and not BS around.

Answer 7

I am very sorry and this seems like a very deep situation.. you have been hurt before and i apologies because i cannot imagine that type of pain. On to your new situation, it seems like this man truly does care for you.. maybe he does need time.. maybe he is scared of getting hurt again too.. you remember how you felt.. recovering from heartbreak takes time..and maybe he is playing it safe. I hope this feelings are true! The best of luck!

Answer 8

Just take it slow sweetie, he is probably scared! After being married that long you both need to get yourselves back and be friends too! Believe me if you both care about one another you will be together, don't be pushy no matter what though or you'll scare him away! Just relax and give it time! If he really likes or loves you, no matter who he meets you'll be in his head and heart! You know how that is! Good luck sweetie!

Answer 9

I think you should tell him you don't want a piece of cake, you want the whole cake. It's all or nothing, honey! For him to stay around in your life even as a friend, is probably just making you want him more. I say, tell him to make it or break it.. if he is scared then tell him you are too, what do you have to lose? good luck!

Answer 10

if he loves you, he wouldnt want to break up to see other people. in my opinion when a man says that hes already seeing someone. if I were you and you want to save yourself the nights of crying, try to forget about him, i dont think its the answer you are looking for but im way to honest to lie to u