Why does depression have to be so darn depressing?

Question

Really. I can't even think straight enough to ask or answer anything. I managed to add everyone's birthday to my online calendar but beyond that... ugh. And it just came upon me kind of out of the blue, this really bad feeling in my chest. What the heck is up with that? I need a gosh-dang funny. Gimme a funny. Now!! I wanna funny!!

Thanks Zero, it made me laugh! And I Has A Cheezburger is too cute for words.

Patrick, I think I'll take you up on that pill you carpathian you.

I'm sorry Loka. ;-(
I loved the jokes and ramjet, that story completely cracked me up. Thank you.

Answer 1

you are having an anxiety attack

here's a funny:

a long time ago when my daughter was about 5, she came to me in the kitchen and said "mommy, do people say 'pewf' or 'fewf'?"

I looked at her quizzically and said, "can you please explain that further?" (I always spoke intelligently to my children - never any of the - aww tootsie booboo junk)

she looked at me with very serious intelligent eyes and said "well, like when you don't slip on something and you say "PEWF!" "

So I said "well, I suppose you can choose whichever you think you would like to say then"

She paused for a moment and tilted her head, rubbing her little chin and said "well,.... I think I'm going to saaaaaaayyyy ...... PEWF!..... AND fewf!"

My husband and I had such a huge laff over that one.....


I got a million of em!


blessings blue one! cheer up! we love you :)

EDIT: forgot to say that to this day, I say "pewf and fewf" when I've managed to avoid the odd inevidable foible..... LOL

Answer 2

Hey there. I asked the worse question; how to die? But if there's still a hope, I'd like to know the answer to this question too. I ate lots of chocolate, which has kept me alive until now, I guess. The way I deal with it, is just not to care, be tough on the outside when on the inside, I'd rather be dead. My advice? Get over the guy (hard to do, but still). It may hurt now, but trust me, the pain goes away eventually. You'll learn that this world has plenty of a**holes in it, b*tches too. Just learn to not give a damn what others say about you! Eat plenty of chocolate and get the help while you still can, because I think there's a point when it's too late. Also, try and focus on the good. You're young, you have most of your health (your illness can be treated!), you will find love, friendship, happiness and sadness, but take the bad with the good. Just try and get out of it before it's too late. Good luck and God bless <3

Answer 3

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol and your child's name is Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go home."

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A man was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile. When the foreman asked the man why he kept painting less each day, he replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can."

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Life Before the Computer

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 ½ inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out!

Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!

Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!

Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!

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They say that the new super computer knows everything. A skeptical man came and asked the computer, "Where is my father?"

The computer bleeped for a short while, and then came back with "Your father is fishing in Michigan."

The skeptical man said triumphantly, "You see? I knew this was nonsense. My father has been dead for twenty years."

"No", replied the super computer immediately. "Your mother's husband has been dead for twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound trout."

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CIA - Computer Industry Acronyms

CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
SCSI: System Can't See It
MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
DOS: Defunct Operating System
WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too
PnP: Plug and Pray
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
IBM: I Blame Microsoft
DEC: Do Expect Cuts
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
CA: Constant Acquisitions
COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You're Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well.

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Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked a young applicant fresh out of Business School, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"

The applicant said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years - say, a red Corvette?"

The applicant sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

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When a young salesman met his untimely end, he was informed that he had a choice about where he would spend his eternity: Heaven or Hell. He was allowed to visit both places, and then make his decision afterwards.

"I'll see Heaven first," said the salesman, and an angel led through the gates on a private tour. Inside it was very peaceful and serene, and all the people there were playing harps and eating grapes. It looked very nice, but the salesman was not about to make a decision that could very well condemn him to a life of musical produce.

"Can I see Hell now?" he asked. The angel pointed him to the elevator, and he went down to the Basement where he was greeted by one of Satan's loyal followers. For the next half hour, the salesman was led through a tour of what appeared to be the best night clubs he'd ever seen. People were partying loudly, and having a, if you'll pardon the expression, Hell of a time.

When the tour ended, he was sent back up where the angel asked him if he had reached a final decision.
"Yes, I have," he replied. "As great as Heaven looks and all, I have to admit that Hell was more of my kind of place. I've decided to spend my eternity down there."

The salesman was sent to hell, where he was immediately thrown into a cave and was chained to a wall, and he was subjected to various tortures. "When I came down here for the tour," he yelled with anger and pain, "I was shown a whole bunch of bars and parties and other great stuff! What happened?!"

The devil replied, "Oh, that! That was just the Sales Demo."

Answer 4

FAnfares!

TAILS UP, MONSTER!

And now for your reading pleasure .... Drum roll !!! ....

Best of Out-of-Office replies:

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I
fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on September 30th. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $10.99 for the first ten words and $5.99 for each additional word in your message.
5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
7. I've run away to join a different circus.

Answer 5

A man saw a gorgeous woman waiving at him and he was thinking " Do I know her?"

Then she was right front of him and said " Hey, I think one of my kids is yours."

He was like, ohh no, could she be the only person he was having sex outside of the marriage while married..well that was some years ago.

Then he said " Are you the sexy stripper I was banging on the table while my friends were watching and whacking my naked butt with wet cellery sticks?"

She said " No, I am one of your kid's teacher. "

Funny enough? ; )

Answer 6

the chicken and the egg were lying in bed. the chicken is smiling and smoking a cigarette. the egg is upset. it mutters to itself, "well, i guess we answered that question."

what do you get when you cross beans with an onion?
tear gas

what do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?
nacho cheese

what do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?
a dog that rips your leg off and then goes for help

what do you get when you cross a collie with a cantaloupe?
melancholy babies

why did the toilet paper roll itself down the hill?
it wanted to get to the bottom.

oh wait!

what's green and marches across europe terrorizing everyone?

snotsies

Answer 7

xcddv

Answer 8

I can't find anything to laugh over tonight. My fleeting good mood has left me. I feel worse than depressed if there is such a thing.

Answer 9

I have a carpathian shaped pill you can ingest

Answer 10

Do you ever feel like you've been in the cold, wet rain? >_< Depression is a *****.