Should I really feel like a bad mother for just wanting a break from my son?

Question

My son will be two..and I am at my breaking point. I am home with him everyday, and his father comes in....spends a little time...we eat..then he goes to his friends house downstairs...(not always) he is a good father...and some of the time that he is doing something else...he is finding a way to make more money for us, whether he is drawing pictures for someone..doing tattoos or giving studio time...But I just feel like if I can't get 30 minutes to myself ....I am just going to lose my mind completely. But I just feel so bad...because I love my son...he is so amazing..but I just feel so tired..that I don't know what to do. And of course it isn't my sons fault. I have gone out with my friends a couple of times..but all I could do was think about my son..and how I should be home with him. People keep telling me that I need a break..but I don't quite know how to do it.

Don't bash my boyfriend..he is a good man...very hard worker great father.

Answer 1

Everyone needs a break from time to time. As long as your not thinking of taking off permanently, lol. Have dad take his son for the day, and do a girls night out.

Answer 2

No, you should NOT feel like a bad mother for wanting a break! Every parent of young children needs and deserves a break once in a while. Young children are tiring and will wear down anyone. Try some of the things people have suggested (play group, park visits, etc.) but that still may not be enough. Make sure your son is in responsible hands and get away. When you return, you'll be an even better mother to him. It's good for both of you!
I have 5 sons, ages 19 to 7, and they still wear me down and I need a break too! Good luck to you, hang in there, the rewards of good parenting far outweigh the time spent raising a 1 or 2 year old.

Answer 3

Every care taker needs a break, Mom or Dad, after a full day with a toddler. Ask your Bf to read or play with your son for 30-60 minutes after dinner while you do something that you like, read, listen to music, talk to a friend, go to the store or take a walk. Maybe he can do bath time every night and read the bedtime story. Then he can go to his friend's place. Just explain to him you need a little down time. And, what ever you do, don't feel bad. ALL parents feel like this no matter how much they love their kids. Kids are a lot of work and some parents will tell you different but don't believe it. I'm a parent and was a teacher for 15 years. Talk to him tonight! This is important stuff. You don't want to start resenting either one of them. Good luck.

Answer 4

Marry the father if he is all that

And call a babysitter for the day and leave. Call and check in and take your much needed break! Run and no there is nothing to feel bad about.

But I do know how you feel my son was almost 2 when I took my first break as well. Then I enrolled him in a morning mothers out program one day a week during the school year and I sat in the parking lot and cried. But don't sit and cry just go and relaxe! It will get easier.

Answer 5

Absolutely not, you are better parent for being able to say "you need a break". PLus it is healthier for you and your child to have abreak from each other. I mean is there any other person in your life who is with you 24/7 ??? No, right? People shouldn't make you feel bad and you shouldn't feel bad because you need some alone time even if it is just to clean the house or go grocery shopping without a little one stepping on the groceries... Or heaven forbid you need to take a nap or get a haricut or pedicure. (children should not be taken to salons, in my opinion) But you are better for being able to say "I need a break" a lot of Mothers can't say that. Another thing to think about is the fact that your child will develop better as a person (again this is my opinion) by forming relationships with people who are not you and without you being around.
Personally I work from home as a photographer and I have both of my children go to a babysitter 4 days a week for 4 hours a day. (they are 3 1/2 and 16 months) but they have been going to a babysitter like this for at least 14 months and even if I don't have to work one day, they still go to the sitter because they are looking forward to it and it gives me a chance to get other things done (laundry,grocery shopping,mowing the lawn, shopping for myself...). My Daughter stayed home with me before that and we both needed a break. But I am lucky enough that we can afford it, this hasn't always been the case and I understand that aspect too. But trust me it is worth it to find somebody (in my case another Mother who stays home with her kids) who is looking for a little extra money and you trust. Also look at local large churches because they tend to have Mother's Day Out Programs and those are great, because once or twice a week you have a 4 hour break.

BUT ANOTHER THING TO REMEMBER IS THE FACT THAT:
ONLY YOU KNOW WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOURSELF, YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR CHILD!

Answer 6

I feel ya on this one. I am the mother of a 5 year old girl, a 13 month old boy and a 20 day old girl. I would like to run away and get a new name sometimes! You are only human and can only Handel so much at once. Two is a VERY trying age as well. My husband works third shift so that only adds to the turmoil! he sleeps all day and is gone all night! I told him today that I feel like he is not boding with our new daughter like he did with our son. I even told him that i feel like he forgets about her sometimes. I feel like I do EVERYTHING. He is a great daddy, when he has the time to do it. I also kinda recent him because on Mondays, he goes to play softball for work for about 2 hours! When is it my turn to be alone? I can't even shower everyday, much less pee alone anymore! That is why I feel your pain. You are very much entitled to a break...I think all mom's should be...if you figure out how to get one...let me know! I could use one too!

Answer 7

I would never bash your boyfriend. But I will tell ya that you need time alone or out or something to make YOU a better mommy.

Ask yourself this, "If my car runs out of gas, will it make it to the next town if I push it hard enough"?
That's you right now. You are out of gas and you're pushing yourself trying to get to the next town. It's OK to feel like this. It's OK to be burned out. A 2 year old is HARD work. They demand a lot of attention. They are needy at this age. They are cute and adorable and wonderful and Hell on two legs!

You need to find a hobby. Just a hobby for you. It doesn't matter if it's pottery making or learning the guitar. DO something for YOU and you alone! If you don't, you will end up doing things you regret or loosing your mind.

When you're gone, don't worry about your baby. He's fine. Really he is. And when you get home, refreshed and you again, you can love him even better than you did before. Leave him with people you trust. And then trust your judgement in who you picked. If you're sitting there worrying about him the whole time you're supposed to be taking care of you, then you sure aren't trusting your mother instincts. Allow yourself ONE phone call to check in and make it in the middle of your time out. Then you can go on and enjoy yourself. You absolutely have to do something for you though.
Try. Friday is tomorrow. Call a couple of girlfriends up and go to the movies. See a chick flick. You can't call while in the theatre and so that remedies the problem of phones. Then go to dinner. Have fun. Relax. You can't take care of a little one and a man, if you can't take care of you.
Good luck!

Answer 8

You are not a bad mother. You are a human being, who needs some time to herself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Every parent can identify with what you are going through. As for you boyfriend, you need to talk to him and express how you feel. I am sure he feels that since he is working as much as he is and providing the finances for the family, he needs a break to relax. If he is a good man as you say, he will listen and work with you.
Noone knows your schedule better than you two, so decide on some time, when he can stay with the little one and you can have some time to yourself.
Good luck.

Answer 9

Hi VP,
do not punish yourself for thinking or feeling this way.
Every parent needs a break. It's natural and healthy.

Regardless of the kind of father this man is, he needs to be considerate of you and your mental and physical health.

You could join a fitness center. Many of them offer childcare for 1 or 2 hours as part of the membership. Aerobics and cardio classes, weight lifting, sauna, swimming pool, etc.

You could start taking your child to a park with a walking trail. Take a 1 or 2 mile brisk walk, with your child in a sports stroller.

You could join a mothers' group, have your child play with other children while the mothers socialize.

You could join a church and place the child in nursery/Sunday school while you are in the main service or socializing with other parents.

If he has a problem with any of these, it is time for him to come up with a valid solution. You need "you" time each day, or you run the risk of getting sick or stressed out.

Good luck ~

Answer 10

If you and his dad are providing a good home for him, showing him love and affection and spending as much time with him as possible, you are due a break. You are not a bad mom for wanting to take a little time for yourself. You need to hire a babysitter for a few hours and go shopping, have lunch with a friend, go see a movie, get your nails or hair done, etc. If you don't take a break and some time for yourself, you are going to burn out and start taking out your frustrations on your son and boyfriend. DONT FEEL GUILTY. Do it.

Answer 11

Every mother that I know has felt the same way as you do. I know I would go crazy if I didn't have some me time. You just have to figure out how you can balance mommy time and alone time. If your boyfriend could just set aside 30 minutes a night to give you time to simply flip through a magazine undisturbed would be a start. Join a mommy group, join a gym with babysitting, just find how you can carve out you time and you will be a better mother for it.