Have I done the wrong thing in buying a new dog so soon?

Question

I lost my beautiful cavoodle, Madison only ten days ago. She was hit by a car. She was my everything, I loved her more than words can describe.

My parents have been trying to make me get a new pet since it happened, but i just haven't been ready. Until the other day when I got to play with my neighbour's dogs and it made me think I could get another one.

But then we got a maltalier today and... I just can't bring myself to love her. At all. She's adorable and tiny, and I just.. can't do it. I don't want to play with her or anything.

What's wrong with me?
How can I fix this?

Madison was also only 7 months old.

I've been thinking of returning the puppy because she deserves to have a mother that will love her. And that's clearly not something I'm doing.

Also, watching her right now... I just wish I had another cavoodle because I loved those qualities. But is this just me subconsciously trying to get the same dog as Madison? I know they all have different personalities, but I'm taking this as a sign that I'm still not ready to move on from Maddy. Is this the right move to make? Or am I just deluding myself?

Thank you for all your wonderful replies, they've made me feel a lot better.

Answer 1

First, please know you have my sympathy! We lost our Basset Hound, Buddy, to cancer, He was my baby.

You sound like a very caring person. If truly do not feel like the new pup is the right dog for you, I feel you should take her back. If the breeder is reputable, he/she will understand if you tell her it's just too soon.

When we lost Buddy I didn't think I could ever fill that hole. We ended up getting another Basset puppy and I couldn't imagine not having him. He is such a bundle of pure love that it's rediculous. He was a perfect fit from the start. I will always miss Buddy but, I think it was a huge help that Sonny is the same breed because it's so fun to watch him grow and develope the breed qualities that were so endearing with Buddy!

Good Luck in what ever decision you make.

Answer 2

Yes, you probably did decide to get another dog too soon. Your heart needed time to heal and 10 days isn't long enough for you to do that. You can't really fix it any other way than to give it time. However, it's not fair to that puppy to bring it back, unless you are the only one that will be taking care of it. If you are not the only main owner I mean. Give it time and you will grow it love that puppy too. You are just resenting it right now. Don't think that that puppy is meant to replace Madison; no dog could do that. Just hold on to her memories and be thankful that you had her in your life, even if only for a little while. Maybe this quote will help, it helped my brother when he lost his dog Max (whom he was best friends with)
"I still miss those I loved and lost, but find I am grateful for having known them. The gratitude has finally conquered the lost." God Bless!

Answer 3

It is hard. Don't feel guilty. The new dog will not replace the old one... and you won't forget the old one.

But the new one is here and needs you and your love. When you can let go, you will find that this new dog will help you heal from the loss of the old dog.

I had a dog for 17 years. We had to put him to sleep. I cried for 30 minutes and we said that we would mourn for 2 months before thinking about another dog.

I spent the next two weeks cleaning up his blanket, and toys, and filling in his holes in the yard. When I finally cleaned up everything, I was depressed. So, I went to look at puppies at all the local places. I figured it was OK, because I knew that I wanted a specific type of male Golden Retriever, that is not common. But I was wrong. I found him... but my family agreed that we would wait, so I didn't adopt him... But he was all I could think about, and my family said to go back and get him. I was scared that someone else had adopted him, but there he sat... And I think he remembered me. I adopted him.

I spent the next two weeks comparing him to the old dog... then one day he just walked up to me and licked me gently on the nose... and I started loving him. He is now 7 years old.... So it is possible to recover... and to move on.

One other note. I learned a lot from the mistakes that I made with the old dog, so I can take much better care of this new one...

Answer 4

There's nothing wrong with you, apart from still grieving the loss of your friend.

You can't make yourself love the new dog, but I wouldn't be too hasty in returning her either. Give it a few days, and rather than comparing her to Madison, see if you can at least appreciate the things that make her an individual.

I hope things work out for you.

Answer 5

Maybe you're subconsciously trying not to get too close to this dog because you don't want to go through the pain you experienced losing your other dog again. I would give it a chance. You can't expect her to be a replacement for your other dog because she's not the same dog, but as you get to know her you'll realize the sweet things about her personality that you love.

Answer 6

You need to except that NO other dog is going to compare to Madison... Only time will heal your aching heart, but you will never get over your loss completly.

It will take time to accept your new dog, just take each day as it comes, love will grow eventually... Im sorry about the loss of your previous pet...

Answer 7

i went thru the same thing in 1999. i was devastated with the death of my first puppy. She was only 4 months old, but i had already given her my heart. Three weeks after that, i was still in tears. my daughter got everyone she knew to help her find another chihuahua for me. the night i went to get my new puppy, i was so nervous. i thought i could not love her. i was scared to love her. but, you know what? her sweet puppy ways soon melted into my heart. i recently had to put her down from severe sickness, but now i have 6 other dogs. i actually went dog crazy over time!!

it may take you longer than it did me to accept another dog so soon while you mourn the loss of your beloved dog. everyone is different. just know there is always room in our hearts for the unconditional love of dogs.

i wish you the best and i am truely sorry for your loss.

Answer 8

Don't you think Madison would like to see you be happy again. there is nothing you can do to bring her back and I'm truly sorry for that but I'm sure it was an accident.
Just tell yourself it's what Madison would want. She wouldn't want to see you so upset. Just think of your new pup a distant relative of Madison's and that she would want you to make the new pup happy.
Again I'm sorry for your loss but go love your new pup she needs a friend like Madison had

Answer 9

'Cavoodle'? 'Maltalier'? What kind of dogs are they? Mixed breeds? I've never heard of them...

In any case, you'll know in your heart when you're ready. In the meantime, the new dog is now a member of your family and should be treated as such...

Answer 10

I think she will grow on you sooner or later...your heart is probably just feeling guilty because it feels like "moving on" (I hate that) so fast. She's not a replacement...she's an heir that has inherited your dog's humans, someone to take care of you now that your previous dog is gone...probably how many a passed-away pet might feel I believe...