What if Jesus died on the toilet like Elvis Presley, instead of being crucified?

Question

How would America be different?

Answer 1

Instead of crossing themselves, Catholics would make a wiping motion across their posteriors?

The clerical collar would be a toilet seat?

Instead of a search for the True Cross, there would be a search for the True T.P.?

The sewers of Jerusalem would be holy ground?

Answer 2

Answer: Elvis Presley died on August 16, 1977 in the bathroom of his Graceland mansion in Memphis, Tennessee. He was 42. He had been on the toilet, but fallen off onto the floor, where he lay in a pool of his own vomit. Panicked, his staff contacted an ambulance, which rushed him to nearby Baptist Memorial Hospital, where, after several attempts to revive him, he died at 3:30 pm CST. His autopsy was performed at 7:00 pm.The official coroner's report lists "cardiac arrhythmia" as the cause of Presley's death, but this was later admitted to be a ruse entered into by the Presley family along with autopsy physicians Dr. Jerry T. Francisco, Dr. Eric Muirhead and Dr. Noel Florredo to cover up the real cause of death, a cocktail of ten prescribed drugs, taken in doses no doctor would prescribe: The painkillers Morphine and Demerol. Chloropheniramine, an antihistamine. The tranquilizers Placidyl and Vailum. Finally, four drugs were found in "significant" quantities: Codeine, an opiate, Ethinamate, largely prescribed at the time as a "sleeping pill," Quaaludes, and a barbituate, or depressant, that has never been identified. It has also been rumored that Diazepam, Amytal, Nembutal, Carbrital, Sinutab, Elavil, Avental, and Valmid were found in his system at death. The phrase "cardiac arrhythmia," in the context of the coroner's report, means little more than a stopped heart; the report initially tried to attribute the arrhythmia to cardiovascular disease, but Elvis' own personal physician has stated that Presley had no such chronic problems at the time. Most of Elvis' many health problems can and have been traced back to rampant abuse of prescription drugs. Elvis had visited his dentist on August 15th to have a temporary crown put in; it has also been suggested that the codeine the dentist gave him that day resulted in an anaphylactic shock that assisted in his death. (He had suffered allergic reactions to the drug previously.)

Answer 3

No difference. If Jesus had died on the crapper, they probably would have made up some goofy tale about being crucified. Hey, isn't that what they did anyway. Perhaps the crapper idea needs to be revived, much like Jesus.

Answer 4

People would wear tiny little gold toilets on chains around their necks instead of crosses. There would be a toilet on the top of every Catholic and protestant church in the world instead of a cross. We would worship in the sewers. People would scratch their butts instead of crossing themselves after praying....

See how much sense it makes to have crosses everywhere?

Just my opinion.

Answer 5

Something like that would never happen.
Nobody would be wearing toilet necklaces, that shows how ignorant people are. Jesus was on the cross because they wanted to put him to death, what does that have to do with a toilet? Furthermore, he allowed himself to be killed, he could have defended himself by retracting his statements. But it had to be done, because somebody had to pay the penalty for Adam and Eve's sins down to the generations so that we may have forgiveness.
For example, don't you remember when people are in harms way or when a life is being threatened you often hear 'no, take me instead, don't harm my child' etc... Sometimes we want to protect a loved one, and we give ourselves instead, or we protect the other person by taking on their blame, so that they may be spared.

By the way, to the atheist, who are you fooling calling yourself an atheist? You have an image of the upside down star- the symbol of evil. Which means you do believe in something. You believe in evil powered spirit.

Answer 6

Well, since toilets were primarily holes in the ground back then, it would have been a true miracle for him to die on a modern toilet 2000 years ago.

Answer 7

ROTFLMFAO!
every christian/country song that has the word cross in it would have the word toilet instead of cross!!!!


edit:
At the Cross:

Chorus
At the cross, at the cross,
where I first saw the light,
And the burden of my
heart rolled away,
It was there by faith
I received my sight,
And now I am happy all the day!

Alas, and did my Saviour bleed?
And did my Sovereign die?
Would he devote that sacred head
For someone such as I?

Chorus
At the cross, at the cross,
where I first saw the light,
And the burden of my
heart rolled away,
It was there by faith
I received my sight,
And now I am happy all the day!

Was it for crimes that I have done,
He suffered on the tree? (i guess tree would have to be changed to something too...lol)
Amazing pity! grace unknown!
And love beyond degree!

Chorus
At the cross, at the cross,
where I first saw the light,
And the burden of my
heart rolled away,
It was there by faith
I received my sight,
And now I am happy all the day!

But drops of grief can ne'er repay
The debt of love I owe.
Here, Lord, I give myself away,
'Tis all that I can do!

Chorus
At the cross, at the cross,
where I first saw the light,
And the burden of my
heart rolled away,
It was there by faith
I received my sight,
And now I am happy all the day


oh..i'm dien with laughter here!!

Answer 8

There would be a whole lot of rappers showing up on stages wearing enormous gold toilets on chains around their necks. It'd be pretty entertaining, really.

Answer 9

toilet seats would be hanging around every catholic's neck - instead of a cross

Answer 10

All our offerings would be in a toilet.