Moral dilemma?

Question

Ok, I never thought I would have this question to ask, but here goes.

I am a pagan, something my family knows nothing about. This has never been a problem before, as they live on the East Coast and I live in CA. However, we are planning to move back east to be closer to them.

Here is my problem. My entire family is deeply Catholic. On the few occasions I have gone back in the past decade, I have avoided Mass except for funerals, where I would attend out of respect to the dead (my grandfather and father) but not participate in Communion.

Once we move back there, I must make a choice. I can either attend a Mass I feel nothing for, and risk offending the truly devout that are there, by my very presence. Or I can not attend, and run the risk of hurting my 84 year old, very Catholic grandmother.

Pagans and Christians alike, what do you recommend? I don't want to hear about how I need to accept Jesus. I want to know how to protect her feelings without compromising my beliefs.

To renaissanceman. Read my question again please. I do NOT receive communion when I have gone to Mass. Out of respect to YOUR faith. I am doing my best to walk that thin line of not insulting them in either direction.

Answer 1

Remember that at one time, both our faiths lived side by side.. the catholics and the pagans had a lot in common.. we were able to see the goddess in Mary and accept their god as the father.. I'm not saying you should have to go, but perhaps play it by ear.. your grandmother is what's important to you most.. you wouldn't want to hurt her, so perhaps find a way to go for her sake.. and not go every time.. just perhaps once a month or so.
I wouldn't want to make you feel like you have to do this.. you have to do what is best for you.. I just know if it was me, I'd have done anything not to hurt my grandmother, short of converting.

Answer 2

Would the question be different if you were a practicing Baptist or Methodist or Morman or Muslim?? Or is it just because of the pagan thing? You need to be honest with your grandmother. If you are ashamed or afraid of your "religion" then you aren't very strong in it. As a Christian, I am never ashamed or afraid to tell anyone what I am & Who I believe in. Since your grandmother is a stong Catholic, I think she wouldn't like it if you were anything other than Catholic. Maybe you can just tell her that you no longer believe in the Catholic doctrine without explaining exactly what it is you do believe. Personally, I would be honest. Find a time to be alone with her --take her to a nice lunch-- and explain why you cannot attend mass. She won't like it, but maybe she will respect your honesty.

Answer 3

I'm somewhat in the same boat.
Catholic Family huh? I'm betting you had it forced down your throat for some time as a child.
My Grandmother ( who lives down south ) is STRONLY religous. ( she believes Jim Bakker was framed ). I am however, not. at least not to the point of going to church every sunday and such. I respect my Grandmother's beliefs and feelings, but I am got going to live like a church mouse either. I respect my family and when there are functions that deal with family I will attend to appease her. When I am not in family functions I respectfully decline any offers that my grandmother might have with church and tell her that I have my own that I am comfortable with. So far that has worked well with me. I am not lying to her. I have my own beliefs, just not her's. Times change, religons change with them. People adapt to the new ways and times. Normally those who grew up in a different era have different valus and beliefs than those of today ( I have seen this throughout generations to generations, and it is always the same. ) Respectfully decline any offers that your Grandmother may have dealing with Church and such, and let her that you have your own way you are comfortable with. Do not elaborate, Do not make it a point to be "aggressive" with your beliefs with her. Simple remember that she has her beliefs that you must respect and she must respect your beliefs. ( If the Human Race understood this princeable, I'm guessing there would be lots less confilcts. But then again Ares would be bored wouldn't he? )
I do hope this helps and good luck going home.

Answer 4

No matter what you do, I do not recommend that you live a lie for anyone, not even your grandmother. It may upset your grandmother if you don't go to mass, but after all, you are an adult. You have a right to be who you are, even if a beloved relative doesn't approve. I don't know how you could possibly protect her feeling and still be true to yourself. You are going to have to make a difficult choice. I've tried it both ways, and eventually, I couldn't continue to live in such a false way. It is truly damaging to the spirit. No matter what though, you have to do what YOU think is right for this particular situation.
Good luck!

Answer 5

The best thing is to be honest with your Grandmother. Start off by telling her how much you love and respect her,but that you just haven't been able to bring yourself to believe the same as her. Even though you respect her choice in what she believes,you need to ask her respect also in your choice to believe differently because you've found the belief system that fits you and makes you happy,and that you can't compromise those beliefs any more than she could compromise hers. I'm sure she will understand and she will be just as respectful to you as you have been to her.

Answer 6

This is going to depend on how you view divinity. Can you reconcile the Catholic faith of your family with your beliefs? Are your family on just another path, or is their path mutually exclusive from yours? If you believe that they are just on another path to the same thing, then why not worship with them? You could always attend, but don't take communion, as you have done for funerals. If not, then you should perhaps try to explain what you believe to them.

Answer 7

The truth is always best - even if it ofends. Do you believe you honor your grandma by living a lie? I am a believer but do not believe that you should be receiving communion if it means nothing to you. This is the greater scandal. I think you don't give grandma or God enough credit.

Answer 8

Love is honesty. Honesty to yourself, honesty to others. You cannot go wrong with that in the long run even if it hurts a little initially.

Answer 9

Would you rather lie to your grandmother, or tell her the truth?

Answer 10

I suggest you spend more meaningful time with your grandmother.