I don't like someone in my family....?

Question

I don't like someone in my family, I mean I just don't like being around him or his wife. They put people over possessions, they are very snobby, they are rude to us and our kids, they tattle on us to other relatives for things like not sending a thank you note...

My problem is, they are an aunt and uncle to my kids, so I don't know if I can simply say "I never want to see you again". Also, I'm a Christian (as are they), so I don't know how much effort I am supposed to put forth!

I really don't want their influence around my kids, but if I stay completely away, I know that other members will look down on us.....

Does anyone have this issue, or what do you think is a good solution?

They put POSSESSIONS over people! How could I have messed that up?

Thank you for all your answers. I try to be polite and keep my distance at the same time. It's just hard because my in-laws (the parents of the son and wife) want us to be best friends, but they always take their side, so it's hard. Everything I do and say...or don't do is taken the wrong way and always used against me.

I need to do what is right for my kids, teach them to love and be kind, but you don't have to be best friends. They don't care about my kids anyway, they just say they do to make them look better, but they never show it and it's hurtful.

They live 4 hours away and we only see them at a reunion and really, that's all I can take!

I just need to stop having conversations with them in my head...you know what I mean?

I just needed to know what other people thought, so that I could be okay with not being best friends with them. Thank you!

Answer 1

I may be in the same boat.

After knowing this family member pretty much all my life, I have developed quite a distatste for their egomaniacal ways, money worshipping, cold... not real fun or loving, and never has been.

I love this person.. and that is why I think it is ok to have severed ties with them. I wish them no harm... I simply have too little in common with them.

You can only try so many times before you just know they aren't interested in changing who they are.

I don't think you are forced to be around people like this just because you are a Christian.

Perhaps include this person in your prayers so that one day they may be someone who you would enjoy being around, or someone who you respect.

And be sure that the reason you have chosen that path is not hate or spite.
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Matthew 5:22

If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?

John 4:20
But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire. Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

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Im not saying that I dont question whether it was the right thing to do or not... but then I think over the course of my whole life, I cannot summon one memory that I would classify as "good" about this person.... and feel that Ive already suffered them long enough.

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Mark 3:

31 There came then his brethren and his mother, and, standing without, sent unto him, calling him.

32 And the multitude sat about him, and they said unto him, Behold, thy mother and thy brethren without seek for thee.

33 And he answered them, saying, Who is my mother, or my brethren?

34 And he looked round about on them which sat about him, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren!

35 For whosoever shall do the will of God, the same is my brother, and my sister, and mother.

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Excerpted from The Complete Multimedia Bible based on the King James Version
Copyright (c) 1994 Compton's NewMedia, Inc.

Answer 2

Being a Christian I believe is not just about effort or word or religious rituals, it is also about love in your heart. Not always easy, of course, and even when we give it a go, we make mistakes. Maybe this is still an example to your kids - what is important in life and what is not, an example also about tolerance, family and wrong and right. I think troubling relatives are pretty common. Try to remember to send the thank you notes, and apologise when you forget, take no notice of the snobbery as you know that is pride or something like that, and try to love them for being your family and for the good things about them (there must be some, because as a Christian, I guess you might believe that we are all God's children). In fact, maybe they need your love more than the relatives that are good to you and happy in their nature. They say they are Christians and well might be, but it sounds like they are lacking love and God in their hearts a bit. Maybe if you show them how happy you are with what you have, they might realise what really matters in life. Maybe your children will look to their parents as role models more than an aunt and uncle they see occassionally. Perhaps sometimes when you get together, you could organise gatherings that gives them less opportunity to focus on material things eg. picnic in the park or at the beach, go to a play or a party somewhere else. Good luck.

Answer 3

Im sad to say that they sound like very small minded people anyway, and they obviously have no life if they have to tell tales just because you didnt find time to send a thank you card!
Family are family theres not too much we can do about our blood lines, my advice to you would be to keep your distance and be polite when ever you are around them!
Make sure your kids are not left alone with them and if needed disagree with what they are telling your kids in their company.

You could always use them as an example to your children by telling them that their aunt and uncle are exactly the kind of people that you dont want them to grow up to be like!


Good luck whatever you do :))

Answer 4

My aunt is a holier than thou, nice to your face, but judge you behind your back type of person. She most certainly didn't like my boyfriend who is Native American and has a pony tail, always judging people by the way they look. She would say things to my mother like, I'm going to raise the perfect child now that I know not what to do by watching your children grow up. She's very passive agressive, always saying snide remarks, hurting my mother. One Christmas when my family and my boyfriend's family got together to celebrate, she wouldn't even acknowledge his parents because they were below her standards. There was a time when the rental unit my boyfriend and I lived in was sold and the new owner wanted us out so we had to find a new home. My aunt offered us to live in her mother-in-laws house who had recently died. First it was, you can rent it, then it was you need to buy, and then before we could even make a decision, she sold it without telling us leaving us scrambling. From that point on, I cut her out of my life. I have yet, in seven years, spoken to her and she can't understand why I won't. In my opinion, Christian or not, if someone is causing you pain, you need to let that relationship fizzle away. The only thing they are bringing to your family is negativity.

Answer 5

Provide good examples for your children in their everyday lives and the brief exposure they have to these less than appealing individuals will have little lasting effect. Also, if necessary, explain to your kids why a particular behavior is not acceptable. Even kids know who the relatives no one likes are. Just be civil, but not indulgent of these people and limit your time together when possible (I never let these types of people keep me away from my other loved ones).

Answer 6

I have the same problem with my two brothers and especially my wife's family ( Very worldly ) , they will walk away while in a conversation with me ( nice eh ? ). 1 Corinthians 5:9,10...2 Corinthians 6:14 . Being in a certain religion doesn't mean you are a christian .There is nothing wrong with keeping your distance if you feel uncomfortable . I just see my family + her family at gatherings nothing else . Even then , I have to pray for comfort and strength . Pray for them that they will change .

Answer 7

I feel your pain!
I have this same problem in my family. Snobby, uppity, always looking down on me and always looking down on me with their name brand this and name brand that, as if I care how much they overpaid on their jeans. And religiously pointing out my flaws. I limit how much time my kids and I spend with them, after three years this particular relative has finally gotten the point. Once I confronted this person but it only lead to an ugly divide in the family, it didnt solve anything. I just hit this person where it hurt. I limited how much time my kids and I spent at their house, I mean extreme limit, I live maybe 5 minutes including traffic lights and I only went to this relatives house on occasions that I couldnt get out of, like major holidays. So far this is the only way that has helped me. Dont know if it will help you but I hope just knowing you arent alone , will maybe help a little.

Good Luck!

Answer 8

You don't say if these relatives live nearby or not. That makes things a little easire to handle (if they don't live real close). But the truth is always the best way to handle things. If you can approach them, with something like "we prefer to raise our children in a more compassionate manner. Jesus was not concerned with whether someone was rich or poor, and therefore we would appreciate it if you would hold such comments to yourselves, or out of their hearing..." A few gentle (and I am serious here -- lovingly gentle) reminders may make them realize that they are not living what they profess. Of course, pray first, and let God lead. But remeber, blessed are the peacemakers... Hang in there and always bring it back to Christ's example! God bless!

Answer 9

Hon, there is no excuse for hanging around anyone, no matter how close the relationship, if you find them a bad influence to your children. Just stop sending presents or going to their home.. they will probably do the same. I doubt seriously if they will even ask you what is going on; they sound like the type that wouldn't notice you anymore than a fly on the wall.
Remember Jesus said love your neighbor but He didn't say you had to like what they do!

Answer 10

The bible states to confront them lovingly and firmly.

You should have your thoughts written down and scripture references readily available.

This should be the end of it.. Many people do not realize that they are out of compliance with Gods will and out of true fellowship with other believers.

If this is not the end of it, you need to confront them with two or more witnessess from your church or theirs if you do not belong to the same church.

If that does not work out properly, then and only then is it to be brought before the congregation. The outcome here is really bad for the party in error, so this should not be a wanted event.

Answer 11

Did you mean they put possessions first, then people?

Maybe limit your contact to one or two holidays a year- your spouse has family too, I presume? Spend the holidays with them more.

OR you could do holidays with just your spouse and children, ship gifts to the rest. And for the uptight ones, email them their thank you notes the same day so you don't have to hear about it any more.