my son thats almost 18 is not coming home!?

Question

My son will be 18 in 2 months. He is out of school. He has not been coming home. He has kept in touch with me through phone calls and stops by though and lets me know where he is staying all night. This has been going on for a couple of weeks. Well I finally had enough of trying to talk him into not leaving every time I walk out the door and then just deciding not to come home and just texting and telling me where he is staying. The last couple days he has been avoiding me cause I have been putting more pressure on him to stay home. I have chased him around for 2 days and finally caught him at a friends house this morning. He refused to get in the car or come home and I tried to physically put him in the car but that did not work because he is bigger than me ! I was going to call the police on him but I really dont want to get him put in jail cause I dont believe he is out doing any harm, he is just running with all his friends and wanting to be a man and do what he wants

what should I do? Im worried constantly and cant sleep and feel sick wondering what he is doing

sorry just realized this was the wrong category

He has respected my authority but he thinks since school is out and he is almost 18 he should be able to do what he wants now.... he has just started acting like this since he got out of school

Answer 1

Sounds like a tough situation. Sorry to hear that you're going through this. Is he running for any particular reason? Are you very strict or is there some type of problem such as constant fighting going on in your home? He is definitely testing his independence out.

I don't think anyone can really tell you how to get him to come home, he's at that age where he feels he's the only one who can tell him what to do. Be glad that he's at least calling/texting to let you know that he's okay. Don't do anything to jeopardize that...ie. following him around. I understand why you took that approach, but honestly I think that you might cause him to pull away even further if you chase him.

You're right about not calling the police, you should only do that if you feel he is in harm's way etc. I hope everything works out, but do understand that you are very limited in this situation and trust that you did a good job in raising him so that he can take good care of himself.

Answer 2

At 18 in many societies children think that they are mature enough to do what they think is right for them. If that's going on for 2 weeks why don't you offer him to move out and rent his own space. Plus tell him that he must pay the rent, utilities and other expenses. If he would survive after couple of month, then you don't have any other choice than to accept that he is an adult and can be on his own. In many cases they are back after the second month, unless he is a workaholic and has a job (I don't think so). And do not cosign for his credit cards

Answer 3

First of all he's 18 and legally he can leave home and there's nothing you can do about it. Forcing him to come home is really pushing him away. He's 18 and out of school and wants to be his own man and hang with his friends. It's very common these days for kids/young adults to kinda rotate homes. Try asking him to come to your house and bring his friends with him. They may trash the place and eat all your food but at least you'll know what he's up to and what kind of friends he likes to be around. Hopefully he has a job to keep him busy as well.

Answer 4

he is 18 you need to let go in 2 months he can do what ever he wants but you need to let him know that if he wants independance hes gonna get it meaning not finacial support from you he also needs to know that youre house isnt a hotel if hes not going to be home when hes supposed to be to bad lock the door and dont let him in. if you pay for the cell phone cut it off and let the big boy see how big boys play sooner or later he'll see how much you helped him and that some tough love is somtimes all a parent has left to give dont let him take advantage of you and and he wouldnt be put in jail by the way hes not doing anything illegal.

Answer 5

#1. He's an adult, if you call the police they will laugh at you.
#2. Be grateful he calls you to tell you where he's staying, he doesn't have to do that.
#3. Tell him if he cannot respect your rules, to move out, and then watch him as he packs.
#4. If he never comes home again, pack his stuff and put it in the garage, you shouldn't have embarassed him in front of his friends like that, he's not a 3 year old child.

Answer 6

One, the police will not help you. The kid is free to do what he wants. The only thing you can do is to lay down the rules for staying at your house & if he doesn't follow them then he's out on his own.
It's tough, but this is a part of life. He has to strike out on his own sooner or later.
Inevitably he'll tell you later to your demands. At that point all you can do is be there for him when he needs you. If he does move back in then lay the rules out for him once again.
Stay strong.

Answer 7

As much as u don't want to u have to show tough love ,he is an adult now not much u can do ,except pack is stuff so the next time he shows up point him to his stuff that will be neatly packed in a corner waiting for him. When he realizes that the world out there ain't so pretty he will come crawling back.

Answer 8

From one mom to another... Your son is just doing what most kids do at that age - trying to 'find himself'. The more you chase after him - the more he's going to run. You need to trust the way you raised him and let him go his way ( you said yourself you don't think he's doing anything wrong ). Sometimes it's just very hard to let go. Give him a chance to prove himself. (PS: The police won't touch something like this)
Good luck!!

Answer 9

make a deal with him....if you he can last two more months at home, he never has to come back once he turns 18....at 17, he is still your responsibility unless he becomes emancipated....the bird is out of the nest, time to start dealing with it.....should have payed more attention to him when he was younger so he would have some respect for your authority now

Answer 10

What the hell is wrong with you? You are smothering him to death. No wonder he wants to get away from you. Let him have a life for goodness sakes.

Stop being so overbearing and controlling. You want to see your grand kids? Then just stop and get a grip on yourself.

He's lived with you for 18 years and your behavior has certainly pushed him away.

Grow up and treat him like an adult and he will begin to behave like one.

Good Luck
...and get some help for yourself.

.