How do you do it? I am a step parent of two boys (14 & 11) and have tried hard to keep our relationship positive and close. I have had to learn to be flexible and agreed my role with my husband, which has changed significantly over the 9 years I have known them. I think things are going well right now but I would love to know how others in the same situation, with successful step relationships have/are doing it, for myself and all others in a similar situation.
Thanks
2007-06-28 11:31:54 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I am a step-parent to an 8 year old boy.
What might be different is that my husband has always had full physical custody.
That means he is with us 24/7. He calls me mom. His bio-mom (in and out of jail and not overly involved) said she was O.k. with it. Now she's not.
The thing is, we see so little of her it really minimizes the disruption.
I consider him my kiddo and treat him as if he did come from my womb. I wonder often what he'll grow up remembering about his childhood. Or if he'll get to adolescense and hate me, but not too much.
I also took a "step" behind my husband in rule setting and discipline. He has never heard us disagree about that sort of thing.
I also go out of my way to support his relationship with his bio mother. I make the mothers day cards and gifts, encourage him to draw pictures for her or gift other crafts.
It is my hope that he remembers being loved, cared for, and safe. It is my hope that he grows up knowing that though I understand he has a "real" mom, I love him as a real son.
2007-07-02 15:53:46 · answer #1 · answered by Autumn C. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in a similar situation but my wife's youngest was about 13 when we got together. She had 3 boys and although she told me that I could discipline them as if they were mine I felt that they were too old for me to come in as a parent figure. I told them that I would be an adult friend if they would let me but they already had a father and I would not try to take that role. I always supported my wife's decisions regarding her children in front of the children. If I disagreed, we talked in private. Don't get me wrong we decided things as a couple but she acted as the parent. The only times I stepped in were if the boys were verbally abusive and then I let them know I would not tolerate that from anyone. It's a hard line to walk but it can be done. That was 8 years ago and we have a great relationship.
2007-06-28 18:49:31 · answer #2 · answered by brotherlove@sbcglobal.net 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would love to say that my relationship with my step-son is god, but i will be lying.. he is 10 yrs I have know him since he was 4 but as a family since he was 5.. every time he comes (2 times per yr) He change with me this summer he is more agressive in some ways I can't tell him anything because he will tell his mom & then there are problems with his mom & my hubby & between us too... So I really don't know how to deal or how to be a friend to him at the begining he was a really nice kid lovable & much more but I believe his mom is changing him a lot ....I was not the cause of their divorce he was allredy divorce when we started a relationship...so I hope I can find a solution I you questions & the answers you get!!! :)
2007-06-28 18:40:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think being a successful step-parent is setting up boundries with your step children and spouse... I come from a blended family and my mother disciplined us and generally NOT our stepdad- or more importantly they disciplined together, my mother just doled the punishment... I guess I should say... It's also good to get along with the other natural parent for the sake of the children.. You don't have to be the best of friends, but it's not good to bad mouth their mother/father especially in front of them.. It's not your business... Which is my final point let your spouse deal with any personal issues regarding his "ex" it's not your fight and you shouldn't get involved.... Discuss the "ex" in private and not around the children.. Children hear and learn more than you think they do....I hope this helps and good luck
2007-06-28 18:43:11 · answer #4 · answered by pebblespro 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being a "step-child" the best piece of advice I can give you is not to try too hard. Yeah while they are in your house they live by your rules but there are somethings that only a parent should handle to avoid resentment. As long as they respect you and know that you love them but dont want to replace their mum.
Goodluck with the future
2007-07-06 02:31:58 · answer #5 · answered by Melissa S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I married a widower when his daughter was 8 years old. It was not long before I thought of her as my daughter and she called me mom.
I was myself. That was key. I showed her love and she reciprocated. She accepted me as a friend, role-model, and disciplinarian.
We are still as close as any mother and daughter even though she is now a grown woman.
2007-06-29 01:22:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow..everybody has really good answers on this issue........dont try to be a friend but be flexible and let the dad issue the punishment after the 2 of you have discussed the issue..... if they see that u support and love their dad you will come out ahead
2007-07-04 20:15:01 · answer #7 · answered by dad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋