We are supposed to be getting married on Halloween. Everyone who knows us knows thats what we want. The last couple weeks almost everyone on both sides of our families are telling us we have to change the date, the style, etc. My mother actually yelled at me over it and several family members are threatening to boycott. When reminded it is our day and thank u for the advice i was told that "miss manners says its not for the bride and groom but for the families"....HELP?!?!?
2007-06-28 11:24:30 · 26 answers · asked by Geia 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
1. we have been engaged and planning this for a year. 2. we are footing the entire bill.
2007-06-28 11:30:39 · update #1
the ceremony is traditonal, just the reception is a costume ball. between the two of us there are 7 kids in the house and we wanted to include them in both the ceremony and the reception
2007-06-28 11:45:11 · update #2
I don't know who told you that miss manners said that, but they were wrong. A wedding is a celebration of the love you have for each other. Not the love you have for your families. Not to please them, or include them, or anything else for them. It is yours.
That being said, you should have a little consideration for your families and friends who you are allowing to attend and witness your vows to each other. See, that's what you are doing; you are having this for yourselves because it means something to you two, and you are just allowing them to come. Make sure everyone has a seat, that they are either cool or warm enough, that there is a restroom nearby, and that if you are having it around a dinner hour, that you feed them something other than cake. Other than those considerations, the decisions and choices are yours!
Unfortunately, since theme weddings were not common when these folks got married, they don't get it. They think it's odd and they are afraid others will think it's odd and they will have to answer questions about it. Ya know what, too bad!
Have what you want, invite them, and move on, sweeties! That's all you can do! Try not to overtly offend anyone, and be done with it! It will really surprise me if they don't come. These are probably idle threats at this point! They are trying to take you two emotionally hostage by threatening to not show. Call their bluff. Be nice, but call it.
My brother and sister-in-law had a Halloween themed wedding and reception on Halloween nite two yrs. ago. E-mail me if you want details!
God bless you & congrats!
2007-06-29 10:47:40 · answer #1 · answered by valschmal 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey.... sounds like my own wedding (if you're interested, go to my profile and read my very first question, it should give you an idea). :) The thing is, you can never please everyone. You have to choose whom to please. Do you please the five guests who are going to boycott if you don't do a), b) or c)? Do you please the majority, who will probably be just fine with or without a), b) and c)? Do you please yourselves, and do something you have always wanted to do? Yes, you can try and find the middle ground, but it is more often than not a losing proposition. It creates stress and tension no matter what decision you make - unless everyone's wishes happen to be exactly the same, which is extremely unlikely to happen! Go ahead with your plans. Your mother will get over it, and will have a good time. I'm sure she wishes you both well, but perhaps she just can't think "outside the box". We had a pirate wedding because this was what we both wanted, and I was stressed out 'til the last minute - I had no idea if it was going to go well, or turn into a nightmare. It went without a hitch, everyone had a great time, and my parents-in-law were very happy. I think, a costume ball is a splendid idea for a wedding, I wish I could come! Good luck.
2007-06-28 12:59:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I do not understand the idea that people think a wedding is for family and guests. It is for the bride and groom and should be what they want regardless of who is paying for it. Since you are paying for it yourselves no one has the right to tell you how to spend your money. I think the idea of a costume party is wonderful and will certainly be a lot of fun. For those who threaten to boycott you should tell them you are sorry they feel the way they do and if they dont want to come that is their choice, but it is your wedding and you're going to have it the way you want to. They need to stop being immature bullies and stop trying to force you to cater to what they want. If they say anything about "miss Manners" tell them she isnt paying for it either so you'll do exactly as you please. Congratulations and try not to let these people bring you down or ruin your day.
2007-06-28 11:50:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ms. Manners is wrong. It's YOUR wedding. You two are the ones getting married. The guests are there to share in the joy the two of you have found with each other, but it's NOT their wedding.
Especially if its your checkbook taking the hit for the wedding and the party, it's simply your call how you celebrate your day. Those who threaten to boycott are the ones missing out. Have the wedding, and the party you want. Invite those who are important to you. If they don't show up, don't feel bad. Enjoy the day with those who can enjoy it with you.
Good Luck
2007-06-28 16:44:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
So let them boycott...that's their problem, not yours!!! If they miss the event, it will most definitely be their loss...And I certainly hope that you're having such a good time that you don't even notice!
Sure, you want to offer your guests a reasonable level of hospitality, but just like with any party that you'd have in your home, you are entirely within your rights to decorate and plan as you see fit...Especially if no one else is contributing financially!
Personally, I find the Halloween wedding a bit creepy...But it's not my wedding, so what does my opinion matter?
Best wishes for the wedding of your dreams, and a marriage that will last a lifetime!!
2007-06-28 11:42:20 · answer #5 · answered by abfabmom1 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Two words.......... Las Vegas.
To hell with Miss Manners. It's your memory, your wedding and your choice.
Rather than have the family members boycott your wedding, why don't you boycott them. From what you are saying, regardless of what happens, someone won't be happy.
Save them and yourself a lot of grief.
I'm no expert on these things as I only got married once and that was 35 years ago. So you might not want to listen to me but listen to your heart and discuss it with your fiancee over a quiet dinner.
God bless your marriage and good luck with the family. I'm sure they love you a lot.
2007-06-28 11:37:16 · answer #6 · answered by Jack 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
its your wedding, your special day. i think its cool you want to
get married on halloween. Even though it may upset some people, remind your family that the date shouldn't matter, its not their wedding. Don't let feuding families get in the way of your special day. I don't know what the style of the wedding is but its your wedding, do whatever you want. Maybe by Halloween if not too many people want to come to your wedding, just have a small wedding with a few friends and the family members who want to come.
2007-06-28 11:31:29 · answer #7 · answered by babygirl 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would remind them all that if they do boycott the wedding, u forgivin them for doing such a thing on a day thatz supposed to b d ur most memorous is out of d question.
Then ask them how theyd feel if the coin waz turned around 2 them and they were in d same situation. Try in ur best effort to make view the event from ur point of view
2007-06-28 11:35:06 · answer #8 · answered by No_1_stunna 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A wedding is a celebration of the love the 2 of you share. (of course you know that) Your day is your day. If they chose to act like children and boycott, well then they will be the ones missing out on the memories. I am sure they do not want to miss out on your wedding, hopefully they will come around by then.
2007-06-28 11:41:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I say absolutely go for it! A Halloween wedding sounds like it will be a fun & festive way to celebrate your union. To those who oppose, stand firm, it is a day for you and your spouse to choose. Maybe find out though what is bothering them? Is it the idea of wearing a costume? Maybe instruct everyone that costume attire is optional, and remind them of elegant masquerade balls, maybe that will help people relax. Good Luck!
2007-06-28 12:21:12 · answer #10 · answered by Mrs Bindy Loo 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋