Is this right to ask for all 3??

Question

Im the maid of honor and im just wondering is it wrong for the bride to ask for a bridal shower,wedding shower,and a bachelorette party? I mean I know she should have what she wants but im informed that I have to throw all 3 due to the fact that im the maid of honor.

Well I had no problem throwing the parties it didn't bother me until she started printing out the maid of honor to do list and a list of what she wanted at her parties ect..each party has over 100 guest invited..and she has over 50 items she wants at each one..seems to me that her wedding she be the only thing she gets to plan.

Id also like to add shes already had one party thrown for her at work ..she had over 100 ladies there and she wants to invite all them as well does that make sense?

Answer 1

It is too much if she is expecting you to do all three. Especially if she has a you have to do this for me snotty attitude instead of a nicer, can you do this for me. If she wants all three (rude to be asking someone to do it for her instead of waiting for someone to offer) then let her find different people to host each one. I feel it would be too hard on one person to throw all three parties.

Answer 2

the bride shouldn't ask for all 3. The bachelorette party she could plan herself with some help. I've never heard of a wedding shower unless its the reception and the bridal shower can be thrown by anybody, you don't have to do it all yourself. Also to say that over 100 people invited to each thing is a little crazy. Generally bridal showers are small affairs, 100 guests or more almost overshadows the wedding. Maybe if she invites everyone she wants, not everybody invited to the wedding will show up cause they'll kind of be tired of all the parties and can't believe there's already another one. If the bride insists you plan all three, ask the bridesmaids for help cause its too much for you to plan all three and not go crazy.

Answer 3

The bridal shower and wedding shower are the same thing - I've never heard of having these be separate parties. She can have a ladies-only bridal shower, or a coed couples shower, but having both is just overkill, and greedy. At any rate, her female family members should be involved in the hosting, planning, and cost of this event. You're not expected to invite her work friends, since they already had their own party for her. And she shouldn't register for separate gifts for each event - she should register once for everything she needs, and let the guests decide what they'll get for each event.

Having a bachelorette party is to be expected, and this will be all yours to plan.

Perhaps she's confusing the engagement party with the wedding shower? The engagement party is a whole separate thing, and is planned/hosted/paid for by the bride's family, that's not your deal at all.

She also shouldn't expect you to pay for all of this yourself - enlist the other bridesmaids to chip in with time, money, and effort. Be honest with the bride about what you can afford - you can't cater lunch at the Ritz for 100 of her friends.

Answer 4

bridal shower and wedding shower are the same. the thing is, while you might be "in charge" of all these events, you can ask other people to help, mainly the mother and the other bridesmaids. Most of the time the bride does not have a say at what is at said parties, people just make sure she has that date free.

also, these events do not have to cost a lot. a cake and some home maid finger foods with a few decorations for the bridal shower. i think sleepover bacherlorette parties are fun :P but that is just me.

i think brides do expect them to some extent, just as you will when you are a bride, just as when people have baby showers.

now you mention some calculation about presents :P well, she will be in shock when she finds out people do not go by the registry (sometimes good, sometimes bad) so she will not get the number of things she asks for. also people got in on gifts sometimes. :P

While she should not have asked, you should have known that when you signed up for this position, these things were to be expected to some extent.

Answer 5

Wow...as far as I'm aware, the bridal shower and the wedding shower are one and the same! Not to mention the fact that none of these are supposed to be something that the bride asks for...they're supposed to be something that the bride's family and friends throw for her because THEY want to.

FYI, you don't necessarily have to throw the parties...you just have to make sure they happen. If you can arrange for help from the other bridesmaids, and/or the families of the bride & groom, you'll be fine. Often, the family members of the groom are looking for something to do...perhaps his sister might be available to help.

Not that Wikipedia is always right, but FYI, when you search there for "Wedding Shower", the system redirects you to "Bridal Shower". I have never heard of someone having two showers, except in the event that perhaps co-workers throw one at the office.

Edit:
Oh, my! 100 people is by far too much for a shower...This is supposed to be your close friends...it's not a gift grab, for pete's sake! Absolutely DO NOT invite the people who have already thrown her a shower...that would be a fairly significant problem for them, in that they have ALREADY bought her shower gifts!! The more I hear about this, the more I get the impression that this woman is a bit greedy...It's not supposed to be about what gifts you can get...it's supposed to be about starting your new life together!

Answer 6

She may ask for all three but she doesn't get all three if you don't have the finances or the time. You need to be honest with her too. Step in and tell her that she doesn't get to plan her showers or her bachelorette party. She can make suggestions, but you do not have to follow them. 100 guests is a little extreme as well. I would talk to her about having an aunt throw the showers. And you focus on a bachlerette party. If she throws a fit, ask her this...would she rather have you put your attention and focus on three parties that are just going to be women, or would she rather have help on the actual wedding. My guess is she goes for the wedding. Also another suggestion, if she is insisiting on the two showers she should know that only the women who are actually invited to the wedding are invited to the showers, other wise the bride is going to come off rude, and greedy. The bachelorette party is for anyone who she wants to spend her last night of singledom with. So not neccessarily Great Aunt Gertrude....as in not all the same people need to be invited.

Good luck with your bridezilla.

Answer 7

A bridal shower and a wedding shower are the same thing...and nobody should throw two of the same party for the same guest of honor. If somebody else chooses to throw the bride a second shower, that's up to them.

Typically, the maid of honor will organize one or both of the shower and bachelorette party...but both parties are completely optional. It's properly up to the maid of honor to offer to host one or both or neither as her purse and time allow. It is not properly up to anyone else to demand she hold both and a mythical third party that is actually a repeat of one she's already organizing.

Answer 8

IMO the bride shouldn't ask for anyoone to throw her these showers, people should offer b/c they want to. The maid of honor and bridesmaids should probably throw the bachelorette party/lingere shower. Other friends or family members should throw the other bridal/wedding showers. Usually, they are smaller, more intimate events, and usually different sets of people attend each one, with maybe a common group of close friends and family being invited to each of them. For example, her family (aunts, cousins) might throw her a traditional bridal tea (old lady shower, I like to call them) and his family might throw a couple's shower, maybe with a lawn and garden theme. People from work and/or church may throw showers as well. They may ask you to help host, and you can, or you can decline, but you should not be financially responsible for all the showers. If they invite you to all of them, you can attend and maybe bring a small gift. Offer to help her keep a list of the gifts for thank you, or offer to help serve cake and punch, that type of stuff. You and the other bridesmaids should stick to the bachelorette party, that one should be your main responsibility as other family members may or may not decide to participate in that one. Usually around 25-50 guests are invited to a shower, and not everyone that is invited to the wedding is necessarily invited to a shower, and definately not to all of them. Try to have her take her lists and divide the people into groups that would get along together and have the same ages/interests, and invite each set to a different shower. If you need to, hint to family members that she has a list of people on their side of the family that she wants to invite to a shower, but no, it is not "your duty," it should be something you do b/c you want to and done the way you feel comfortable doing it.

Answer 9

A bridal shower and wedding shower are the SAME THING. So now you are down to two. And, the bride should not be ASKING, it's up to the family, or in some areas of the country, the attendants, to throw the party or parties.
I didn't want a bachelorette party, for example.

Answer 10

A bridal shower and wedding shower are pretty much the same thing. Sounds like she may be wanting lingerie and stuff for the bridal one and gifts off the registry for the wedding shower. I dont understand all this shower and then bachelorette party crap. One party should be enough and brides should just decide whether they want to party or get gifts and quit expecting both. Just tell her you cannot afford to spend money for all three so she'll have to pick one. If she wants the one shower(2 called different names is still a shower and wanting you to throw 2 is selfish) and the bach. party then tell her you are not spending any money to decorate for the bach. party and just have her friends meet up at a club or bar and they can each purchase her a drink if they want. No need to decorate and have food. And dont listen to anyone who will say she is spending a lot of money on the wedding and reception so you should spend money on her cuz that is bullshit. The couple spend the money because they want what they want or they want to impress and should not even consider getting more money spent on them because they choose to be extravagant.

Answer 11

I don't think it's wrong for her to ask for all 3 but you should not have to carry the burden of having to plan and pay for everything yourself. It is a good idea to split the cost of the showers amongst you and her mother and mother in law. Also the bachelorette party can be split up between you and all the other bridesmaids. The same goes for the planning. If that is still too much of a burden for you maybe you can talk to the bride and see if she is willing to go without one. If that doesn't work than maybe someone else would be willing to take over one of the parties. It doesn't hurt to ask . good luck