My dad is missing out not only on mine and my sisters lives but now I have a son who he visits only on Christmas because he has to. He has a very controling wife who gets jealous if he spends time with my sister and I. He didn't come to the hospital when my son was born nor did he attend his 1st birthday. I've let him know I was upset about those things but he continues to let me down. Can someone so selfish ever change? He has let me down so much throughout my life that I think I have to tell him the truth or just go on with my life without him in it. I hate that my son won't get to have a grandfather but I also don't want to lie to him and act like he cares. Anyone have a similar situation? I need advice!
2007-06-28 08:53:45 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Also, he is able to do these things. I have went out of my way to have a relationship but he will never change.
2007-06-28 08:55:06 · update #1
Anyone with a desire to change (with the exception of people who are really really ill) can do just that. Sometimes people are just too set in their ways to desire a change or think that they've pushed people so far from them that it would be pointless now. Once again, let your father know how you feel about the lack of relationship with him. Let your father know that when he understands the importance of being a father and grandfather you will welcome him with open arms...and mean it. Make sure you are respectful and heartfelt. Hopefully, this will inspire your father to make a change in his life. If not, remember how he was with you and use it as a lesson guide on how you will raise your son.
2007-06-28 09:30:42 · answer #1 · answered by Lwood 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to talk to his wife. Don't accuse her of being a psycho control freak, of course! Explain that you are unhappy that your dad is missing your son's life, how much your grandparents meant to you, ask her why she thinks he doesn't care, and for her help to do something about it.
It may or may not work, but if she is a control freak, she might be just as happy to control a positive relationship as she has been a negative one. She could be jealous and feel unwelcome so maybe building a grandparent relationship between her and your son is the answer. If that happens, your dad is sure to follow. Start off with asking her to do some in house babysitting. Get her to entertain him in the loungeroom so you can get some cooking done. Make up a reason if you need to. Invite your girlfriends over one evening, so you have an excuse to get your dad's wife to entertain your son in the afternoon. Good luck!
2007-06-28 09:06:08 · answer #2 · answered by Rosie_0801 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry to hear things are like this between you & you're dad. I would tell him how much he has let you down and how much you feel he's letting your sister down and how much he's missing out on his grandson. If he chooses to let his wife control him and continue to seeing his family then I would have to say move on because you're just going to keep getting hurt and him having to come see your son on Christmas because he has to I would put a stop to that. I would tell him he doesn't have to do that anymore because sooner or later your son will realize that your father is just doing it out of obligation not out of love. Maybe if your wifes father is in the picture you could make sure he has a super relationship with him. Good Luck....
2007-07-05 09:37:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i think you're onto a good idea. You need to straight up tell your dad how you feel and how it hurts you. Let him know that you feel that he wasnt around as much as he could have or should have been growing up and that you want your son to get to know him. He may be wrapped up in his own world and if thats the case so be it. Put the ball in his court. Tell him that you're energy needs to go to taking care of your son and not trying to have a relationship with him that he seeminly doesnt want. The truth sometimes hurts but its a lot better than trying to make him into someone he's not. It will get tough to explain to your son as he grows up but just remind him that his gpa loves him very much but has his own life to live. Thats why he's got two amazing parents and an aunt that will ALWAYS be there for him. If your father chooses to not be active in your sons life that is something that you will have to come to terms with as well. Unfortunately we can't make people who we want them to be. Good luck!
2007-06-28 09:03:10 · answer #4 · answered by Relly89 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should talk to him..if at all possible w/out his wife around. Tell himEXACTLY how you feel in a respectful way and let him know that if he doesnt find it in his heart to try to do better then u think it is in the best interest of you and your son that he no longer be a part of your lives. It may not be easy initially but u will be okay in the long run.
2007-06-28 08:58:50 · answer #5 · answered by foodaddict 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I haven't been in that situation but my brothers have, their father never spent anytime with them or his grandchildren. Now he is older and has cancer he spend as much time as possible, even visits them in Texas and he lives in California. Your father may never change his ways but you should explain your feelings. He made it hard for you and him to build a relationship and now it is affecting your children. Tell him one good time in love how you feel and how it has effected your feelings toward him and never to put a woman before his family. If he changes great but if not, know for sure that he is bothered by his lack of responsibility. Also don't let your kids know their grandfather is a dead beet ,until they get older and figure it out for themselves .Don't down your father to them, they will not respect him. Your kids will feel they don't have to because of his history and he didn't care for you or them. Just be the father and grandfather to them for now until he gets a grip.
2007-06-28 10:35:41 · answer #6 · answered by A Friend 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Relationships take two people to be sustained. Your focus should be with your child and family. Learn from the mistakes your dad made as a parent and it will at least give his attitude some value. Your dad only continues to let you down because you keep expecting him to be something he is not--a good parent. So stop expecting more and write him off. As for the wife, well she only gets away with what he allows her to get away with.
2007-06-28 08:59:43 · answer #7 · answered by mafiosu 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
sweetie i feel you, my fiances father is exactly the same. he remarried and abandoned his family. he doesnt even visit, call or anythign for holidays or birthdays. its like he kicked my fiance out of his life and he has tried so many times to tell his dad but things do not change. all u can do is keep trying and hope for the best. im sorry that u have to feel this way but as long as ur a good dad to your son, ur son will never have a crappy dad like u. good luck!
2007-06-28 08:59:36 · answer #8 · answered by spadezgurl22 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you can do to change your dad.
But, you can find peace within yourself by forgiving him for not being the dad you deserve. Accept the love he is able to give in his limited way and focus your energy on being a father to your own son.
2007-07-05 19:18:15 · answer #9 · answered by PhD 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my father was bad too.
he always want somebody to complain and leave me or my sister out.
we had very hard time...
but i married and have 3 children now and he changed!
because....
i had a lot of terrible problem before and i solve them
i didnt tell him at that time
he still complain and i was just listen to him
and after 3-4 month
i told him everything
he realized im grown up woman
he respect me now
not perfect dad, not perfect grandpa.
but nobody is perfect!!!
he is changing gradually
anybody can change anytime!!!!!!!!!!!
im happy now!
2007-07-06 07:26:46 · answer #10 · answered by askawow 47 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋