I am living with a woman and her 2 year old son for the past year. I know that I am not the father of the child. I never implied that I was but the other week on Father's Day she said I was not a father. I understand that. I have been very good to her and her child. I have been there for the child, playing, changing, feeding, teaching and giving him love and being the father figure he needs. He does not have a dad. (The guy left to go back to his wife when she (mistress) told him she was pregnant.) But why did she go out of her way to say that? Is she playing with me to get me to do more or should I just not take it so seriously? It hurt a lot and I don't feel good about being around them anymore. I did tell her this but she says I don't do enough to be a father.
2007-06-28 08:35:05 · 35 answers · asked by nutri b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
dont do anything anymore, and see how she feels then
2007-06-28 08:38:46 · answer #1 · answered by skcs11 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This can be looked at two ways - if you don't have any children - no you're not a father but if you have been that role model for her child then you are indeed a dad. Fathers are those who physically helped to make the child - a dad is someone who physically helps raise one. There are very few men who are both. Father's Day isnt just for those who physically contributed to the making of the child, Father's Day (and I think it should be renamed) is a celebration of those men who have made a difference in the life of a child. Even if you don't have any children and arent taking care of one as you seem to be doing (kudos) you should be acknowledged for what you are doing so if she doesnt appreciate that - you're not what she deserves. I have an 11 yr old daughter who's father doesnt have anything to do with her and she hurts from that so tell your girlfriend any man willing to raise another man's child especially after that man turns his back on his child - is more than that child's father will ever be.
2007-06-28 08:47:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY ! My guess might be she is thoughtless; selfish ; ungrateful , or immature . There are more ways than being the sperm donor - to father a child . You have been her son's only father . Ask her if she would think a rapist becomes a parent when he father's children against someones will ..You do not have to be a father to be the father figure ..of which you are the only one in that role . Of course you know that you did not father the boy . Yes , I would question her motives before you invest too many more years in her or the child ..because it does look like she is setting you up to be shut out of junior's life ..and hers'. Otherwise , why would she go out of her way to be so hurtful on Father's Day ? If you have been a jerk to her kid - then you know the answer ..if not..then there's more to this than meets the eye .
2007-06-28 08:54:21 · answer #3 · answered by missmayzie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She must not want to have anything to do with her baby. Sounds like she wants you to take FULL responsibility. If you really do what you say you do, then yes you are a father (not biological, but still you are the father figure). She might have been mad at you for something or she's just really cranky. It might be her time of the month. Or....maybe she wants to get married....Just guessing. Just tell her this:
She's wrong. You may not be the biological father but you are the father figure and you do take care of this baby more than his/her own father does. Therefore, you are considered the father. She had no right to just say what she said out of the blue like that. All it did was hurt you and it was completely unnecessary.
2007-06-28 08:41:48 · answer #4 · answered by kjcs_angel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You answered your question right there at the end. She doesn't think you do enough to be a father. Discuss this, preferably in front of a professional counselor. Figure out what you can do to be a better father. If you are committed to this woman and her son, then you need to start becoming the father that child deserves. Otherwise, you are wasting the time of everyone involved.
2007-06-28 08:39:20 · answer #5 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
UGH! That would upset me. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 yrs now and help him with his son. School, activities, clothes, food etc. I am the mother figure that boy sees everyday and night. I dont have kids of my own but on Mothers Day my boyfriend took me out b/c it was a day to appriciate what I do for his son. Remember...you are doing the job the biological father is NOT doing so that DOES make you a father. It doesnt matter if it's your or not but your doing the job. And that counts for something. Im sorry to tell you but your gf should appriciate you a little better. because Im sure the day your not around...she'll then realize it. Good Luck!
2007-06-28 08:42:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is one of the most inconsiderate things a person could ever say. You are 110% more of a father to that child than the sperm donor/dead beat dad.
I wouldn't advise staying in a relationship like that because if that is how she regards you and your efforts then she will likely never appreciate what you do.
Find you a woman who appreciates a real man.
2007-06-28 09:06:57 · answer #7 · answered by ehad46 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should talk to her about it and tell her it hurt your feelings, she'll understand. Do more things that a father would do treat him like he's your son and care for him as much and treat her as if she's your wife. Just doing those things doesn't cut it, your have to tell him that you love him and actually love him as much or more than you love her. My parents believe that you always love the child the most because it's part of you and that person, although he's not blood related to you treat him like he is.
2007-06-28 08:40:26 · answer #8 · answered by moezone1994 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are truly doing everything you can for this little boy and she has said that, she doesn't appreicate what you have done. Hope she isn't taking you for a free ride. If I were you I would ask her what her expectations are of you and if its within reason fine if not, hit the road before the little boy gets hurt worse. If you stick around another 2 or 3 years and then finally get tired of it remember she will say you aren't his dad when things don't work out and it will be the little boy who gets the short end of the stick.
2007-06-28 08:53:06 · answer #9 · answered by 20+ years and still in-love! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she does not appreciate all you do for her, you have done more for her and the child than the birth father. I can see how you feel hurt, think about this situation seriously and decide if you want to continue this relationship.
2007-06-28 08:40:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you've been loving this child, loving his mother, and feel connected to this child you are in a way parenting him.
Is your GF wanting to get married maybe? Sounds like she's being passive agressive about it, or perhaps she's just mad at the child's real father for not being a "daddy" and that feeling is just spilling out on you.
That must have hurt to hear.
2007-06-28 08:39:57 · answer #11 · answered by theygrewagain 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋