How can I tell my dad that his girlfriend is not welcome at my wedding or in my home?

Question

My parents have been married for 24 years. About 3 months ago, they announced that they were going to be taking a break. My dad had told me repeatedly during this time that he wants to reconcile.

Within the last 2 or 3 weeks, my dad has been spending alot of time with a new "friend" of his. My mother saw this and it really has been hurting her. She told my dad that she wants to reconcile and he has said NO now, becuase he is involved with this new woman.

Here's the problem. I need to be able to tell my father that this woman is not welcome in my home and will NOT be attending my wedding in October, if she's still around (please dear god no). I will not see my mother hurt on my wedding day becuase this new ***** is there.

What's the proper way to do that becuase I'm guessing I shouldn't use some of the terminology I just typed, but that's where my head is at right now...

Answer 1

This situation really sucks ***. Your poor mother. Unfortunately this is a part of life. And it happens. I think you should right the lady a letter. Tell her how you feel, just don't be overly rude or hurtful. It is not her fault your parents are seperated. She hasn't done anything wrong. It is your dad and mother who have the problems. Don't hurt her feelings, just explain to her where you are coming from.

Unless, do you really know your father is planning to invite her? Maybe you could just mention to your father that you don't think he should bring her. Has he already told her about the event? What does he really think that you are going to welcome this lady with open arms?? Sheesh sometimes dad's are so lame.

Okay, sorry I tried to be reasonable in the beginning and then I just started getting mad and going off (i know where you are coming from). This sucks and I really don't know what you should do. But I think you should have who ever you want at your wedding, and not have who ever you want. This is a hard time and that "lady" should understand. Tell your dad to leave her at home, it's not his day to have the attention. He can leave his lady at home.

Answer 2

Okay - there is some time between now and October, but I think it would be better to broach the subject with good old dad now. See if he, and he alone, can meet you for lunch or dinner, and then simply and clearly state your feelings. Tell him that while you appreciate that he has a life, and is moving on with this new woman, you do not want any additional and unnecessary stress added to your wedding day. Explain to him, that this day is to be for you and your new husband, and that the attention (and problems) that would come with him bringing his new girl friend, you feel it could overshadow the joy of your day.

But do, keep in mind - your parents mutually agreed to split, so it's not all his fault. Also, you can not blame this new woman for the current situation. It's always easier to lay blame on someone we don't really know or like. She might be a wonderful person, who may end up being a permanent part of your father's life. So, don't say or do anything that could cause long term problems. But do make it clear, that the weddind day is your day, and this is what you want. Don't even hint that you are doing this for your mother, it has to be for you.

Good luck

Answer 3

Normally, I might say that you were being unreasonable, but since your parents are still married, and he's only been dating her a few weeks, I think you're being entirely reasonable. While it's not the girlfriend's fault, that your parents are having problems, it is understandable that you wouldn't want her at your wedding or in your home right now. Unless he's tried to bring her over, I wouldn't say anything. The relationship is new and may not develop into anything. If he tries to bring her over (which I doubt he will), I'd pull him aside and say that you're just not comfortable with it, and you'd rather she not be there. No further explanation should be necessary as it is your home. As for the wedding, that's farther down the line. I wouldn't worry about it since like I said, the relationship is new, but if it does come up, simply say she's not invited. Make sure you're the one paying for the wedding though. Otherwise, it really wouldn't be fair to say your dad can't bring a date. Congratulations, and good luck. Try not to worry so much about your mom. She'll be ok.

Answer 4

Take your dad out and explain that you need to speak to him. Set the stage that it is important and you want to talk.

Then explain that the events have been hard on you and the rest of the family. Explain that you need to make sure that everything goes well on your wedding day.

Tell him that you had always thought that he would be with your mother on that day and its going to be hard on you and your bride that they are not.

Explain that you cant do anything about what he wants to do but you need to ensure that everything goes well and there is nothing that will upset your mother or your bride.

Then you can say " I just wanted to make sure that you knew I dont want anyone there that will create that situation"

He should get the point and you look caring and considerate. If he doesnt just say " I dont want any additions that were not on the original list, like NEW friends"

Answer 5

sounds like you are the one with the problem. I don't know why they broke up. It's hard when it happens. But it does. Instead of being so full of hate, why don't you try to understand your dad, and maybe wish for him to have a little happiness in a very sad and painful time in his life. If you tell him not to bring his friend, you may very well force him not to come too. Is that what you want?
Stay out of the middle of your parents and don't let their problems destroy your wedding. Sit them both down and explain to them that if they can't get along for the most important day in their kids life, then they should not be there. But don't make a bigger problem because you can't remove yourself from their problems.

Answer 6

You need to print this off and let your dad read it. These are your feelings and you do want to include him. Cut the print off after the words wedding in October. You have a right to not let this happen on your wedding day. Even if he is hurt by this he needs to know.

Answer 7

You have a legitimate concern on your wedding because it is reasonable to not want to deal with a situation like that. Explain it to your father exactly like you did here. Make sure he knows that it is not directed against his girlfriend, but you are concerned about having to deal with your mother's reaction.

After that, you should consider rethinking your attitude toward your father's girlfriend. It is obvious from the events you described that she did not break up their marriage. Your father found her after the marriage was already broken and he attempted to reconcile, to no avail.

Answer 8

Send him an email, and tell him that while he's always welcome at your wedding, his girlfriend just isn't. Tell him that you see your wedding as a family affair, and you don't want any uncomfortable situations being caused by her presence. Say that you'd still like to get to know her, but you don't right now, and would like to keep the wedding private.

Your anger is completely understandable - just try to make sure that your email comes across sweetly and apologetically.

Answer 9

You should tell your dad that you want to avoid confrontation on YOUR special day so neither him or your mother will be allowed to bring a date along to anything that has to do with your wedding and if he disagrees then thats to bad. Trust me he might get upset at first but he will come around and he will be at your wedding with bells on...and with out the ***** lol

Answer 10

Simply sit your father down and explain that you do not want this woman at your wedding BECAUSE it will hurt your mother. Give him this as the reason and leave it at that. I think your mom should also seek a divorce. That will get your father's attention. Be there for your mom as much as possible.