We've received gifts of checks from friends we know who can't afford it, or we feel uncomfortable accepting from. We want to return the money but aren't sure of the most tactful way.
2007-06-28 07:59:50 · 11 answers · asked by hondagizmo 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Tough one, isn't it. You can't, really, give it back without running the risk of hurting feelings,
But you CAN buy something of value to them WITH that money, and present that as gift to them. A gift card can work, or, if they're having you over for dinner, INSIST on bringing the wine, dessert, or whatever. Perhaps picking up a magazine subscription for something they always read. Whatever.
Don't make the exchange right away, and when you DO make it, find the time to say how much their gift meant to you and how you have so enjoyed doing something for them, too (blah, blah).
You get my drift -use the words and methods appropriate to the particular people/situation. Keep your eye out for the opportunity -you'll find it!
Isn't that better?
2007-06-28 09:42:27 · answer #1 · answered by JSGeare 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you should. If they gave it to you, I'm sure they want you to have it. I was pretty strapped for money last year when two of my very close friends got married, but I still managed to give them a nice gift. It was about half of the money that I had at the time. If they had returned it, saying they didn't think that I could afford it, insulted wouldn't BEGIN to describe the way that I would feel. That's the sort of thing that ends friendships. You may have good intentions, but I'm sure they wouldn't be happy if you returned it. The best thing that you can offer is a sincere thank you. If they it's more than they can really afford, you should be honored, they must really like you.
2007-06-28 08:10:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
There is no tactful way.
If the person has offended you or acquired the money in an unacceptable way--prostitution, porn, gambling--then you can give it back because it's an ethical issue and you don't have to be tactful.
If you just think they can't afford it, you could cash it, but take the person(s) out and treat them to something with it. You could visit and leave some money in a chair or something like it got lost there. You could send back the money or a grocery giftcard anonymously with no return address or go to a utility company and see if you could pay down their bill anonymously.
2007-06-28 08:11:01 · answer #3 · answered by Sarah C 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
first off, do you know for sure they can't afford it? you might hurt their feelings or get them upset with you for questioning their finances. how close are you to this someone? also, how did you recieve this gift? was it unsolicited (birthday, anniversary, out of the blue?) or was it a wedding gift (where invite ettiquette dictates gift)? you have to ask yourself these questions and weigh your options carefully... option a: give the cheque back to them with we really can't accept this but thank you for the offer. option b: just don't cash the cheque. option c: suck it up accept the money and then "refund" it via a return gift.
2007-06-28 08:21:40 · answer #4 · answered by tykarri 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think it would be impossible to return without offending. If it were a gift for a particular event, (wedding, shower, etc) and they were friends who helped you in the planning, you could give a 'thank you' gift card to a Dept store/grocery store. Otherwise, I think it will be awkward
2007-06-28 13:39:12 · answer #5 · answered by Dulos 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I agree with the poster that stated you could take them out for a treat or save up all the money they give you and buy a gift card (groceries, drug store, gas card, oil heat) for them (with a little extra from you to help them out) or annonymously donate to their utility bill.
I also like the accidental losing it conspicously in their house on a visit. Imagine the thrill of finding money in your own home. Good places to put it, silverware draw, desk, candy dish, medicine cabinet, etc.
2007-06-28 08:22:18 · answer #6 · answered by queen_of_inkland 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
it is hard to decide the best way. when friends have sent me a check and i know they can not afford it, i just put it away or tear it up, i do not cash it.
2007-06-28 18:50:33 · answer #7 · answered by walterknowsall 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
"We appreciate your generosity, but, we were prefer if you gave this check to your favorite charity. That way, we all benefit from it."
2007-06-28 08:08:05 · answer #8 · answered by newyorkgal71 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
just hold the check until they have money or burn or shred it!
2007-06-28 08:34:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Bank it into your account, write them a new check and send it to them with thanks.
2007-06-28 23:46:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋