I have 3 children should I have another?

Question

I am 24 and have 3 children aged 5, 3 and nearly 2 and really want 1 more. We are not in an ideal situation to have another baby financially but I worry about there being a big gap between the older and youngest if we wait too long. Any advice have you a younger child with a big gap?

I am married and have been for 6 years all children are my husbands and they are brown haired, blonde and ginger.

We pay our own way and my husband has a good job just need bigger car house etc. Love all our children very much and spend lots of special attention on each of them and they love their brothers and sisters. Ps I was one of 6

Once I have had all my children I will train to become a community midwife I will not always be a "baby machine".

My husband does want another baby too but doesn't worry about having a big gap as much as I do. I have seen how the youngest can get pushed out of things in my family growing up.

Answer 1

I am 28 and have 7 children aged 7, 6, 5, 3, 2, 1 and 8 months. I don't think anyone is ever financially ready to have children. Since my kids are so close together they rarely fight and the older ones help out with the younger ones. If everyone decided to be financilally ready to have kids the human race would die off quickly.

People ask why I have so many kids and how my husband and I can afford them. I just answer that they are a blessing from God and that they don't need all the material things in the world. As long as they have a roof over their heads, food on the table, clothes on their backs and parents that love them dearly then that is all they need.

Answer 2

I am in the same situation as you i have 3 kids and really want another child because i don't feel i am done having kids. i had a gap of 5 years between the first and second then a 3 year gap before number 3, the bigger gap was easier because the older child understood that mummy couldn't play with him so much, with the smaller gap it was harder to explain that i had to do other things right at that moment. We are planning to start trying for our next baby over christmas so the gap will be 3 1/2 years'ish.

Like you i plan to train as a midwife once my children are old enough not to need my 24 hours a day.
Don't let anyone put you off, if you want another child go for it!!

Answer 3

If you are not financially in a situation to bring another child in to the world at this time WAIT !! You are still very young There are 2 ways you could look at this 1 you could have your child now stretch the resources you have and then start /return to your career when the baby started school and give the 4 children more material things then .Or you could wait enjoy the children you have get more financially secure and have your baby later . I had 4 children Ages 20- 28 32 & 34 now . ( if I had had my way I would have had 6 children. ) The youngest was and still is throuly spoilt by the others . especally by the eldest who is a boy and the other 3 are girls . Any thing she needs if he can he will provide . I think I enjoyed her more than the older ones and was more relaxed bringing her up .

Answer 4

If you and your husband want another then go for it, it has nothing to do with other people, if you can provide the love and support the child needs then thats all that matters. We have four children three of our own and one adopted we also have not a huge gap but there are 5 yrs between the twins and there sister and then 4 yrs between the baby and the 5 yr old, it all works well here and they are get on well, the big ones look out for the little one at school and so on. I love having a big family, people think I'm crazy but we work hard for our money, we have the room in the house, we have the love to give so for us thats all that matters. Goodluck :)

Answer 5

I have 4 children. My children are ages 5, 4, 2, and 2 months now. Going from 3 to 4 is much easier then it was from 2 to 3!! I would say if you think you want another it is best to try since you may regret it later? I always wanted 4 children and now feel our family is complete, with 3 I do not think it would have been since we had 3 girls first and we now have our baby boy. I am a stay at home mom and having 6 people on one salary is hard I know, we had to move from NJ to IN to lower our cost of living so I could be home easily with our children, but I am 35 now and spent 8 years working so we were able to save up a good retirement chunk before we had children. I am the youngest of 5 children by 10 years (my sisters are 19 and 18 years older than me, my brothers are 16 and 10 years older than me) and I really did not know any of them growing up since the oldest 2 were out of the house already.

Answer 6

ok judging by your username you take the role as mother very seriously! all a child needs in life is a great mum who loves her kids and would do just about anything physically possible for them and i am sure by all that you have said that that pretty much describes you!!

if you want another child then ask yourself two things - can i financially afford one and can i emotionally afford one??
if the answer is yes (even if not extremely well) then go for it

i have 3 kids with big gaps so to answer your question on that then i can honestly say it can work to an advantage. when my youngest was born my oldest was 9, and having spent so much time on my kids as individuals when they were tiny meant that they were secure and emotionally developed and there was no jealousy, also when i needed to have a shower then i could leave my sleeping baby in a room with my daughter for 10 mins knowing that nothing terrible was going to happen. and my children are all very caring and affectionate towards each other, sure there is some squabbling but i would worry more if there wasn't!

also i dont think you should worry too much about your age, maturity comes to us at different stages and where some people could not even think of being parents til their 30s some make fantastic parents in their teens. it is more to do with whether or not you can cope with another child on top of the ones you already have.

good luck with whatever decision you make!!

Answer 7

Hi i have four children, 10 12, 4 and 17months ages gaps are difficult but mine all get on OK in fact the 2 eldest who were best of friends till this year are now constantly grumping at each other. I have to admit although number 4 was not really planned I would not have been happy with 3!We are now on 1 wage (with no government help) not able to go to the cinema or days out etc but when we all sit down to dinner and laugh together I am the happiest person alive and the kids don't complain either!

Answer 8

I say go for it.
People are rarely in the ideal financial situation to have a baby...better to have all of your kids now and let them all grow up together or stop where you are at. Otherwise the "baby" will always feel left out of the closer sibling group. I have 4 kids 10 1/2, 9, 7 1/2, 6, and I turn 31 this year. Adding #4 caused very little change in our world- less leftovers, but otherwise we hardly noticed the difference. If your heart and home both still have the space for another child, now is the best time.

Answer 9

Is anyone ever REALLY financially ready for another child. If you are married, in a good relationship, you might want to have another one and get your whole family over and done with. A new one will just "fit-in" with the rest and you will make it work some how. My mother was always set on having 3 years between her children when she was having children. There is 5 years between my 2 boys and 13 years between my youngest daughter and youngest son. There are advantages and disadvantages to either way. If you can handle that many kids under 5...God Bless You, and go ahead and have another one. You probably will be awarded a medal at some point.

Answer 10

The biggest gap between children in my family was six years and that was like having two different families as they didn't see eye to eye (but maybe that's normal in families).

the norm is 1.5 children (replacing you and your husband), and usually people keep trying only if they have not had a boy yet. People too get divorced (the divorce rate is high). Think about it, could you support four children on your own while you work? And, if you divorced and your new husband wanted you to prove your love and have another child could you handle 6 children, educate 6 children properly thru college. College is very expensive these days. It's up to you to determine what a responsible parent is. If you can't afford the children then why have more? Stop worrying about miniscule things and get an education yourself or get working so that you can support all your children.