She has asked already and she would be hurt if I didn't, but I only want my mum and my bridesmaids to see it prior to the wedding. Both parents are paying for the wedding.
2007-06-28 07:41:37 · 66 answers · asked by naddynoo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I love my mother-in-law but she's very traditional and may not approve as my dress is not white. I don't want her to worry if she doesn't like it.....
2007-06-28 07:58:07 · update #1
No, tell her your keeping it secret until the big day. Its usually just the brides mother and bridesmaids that see your wedding dress.
2007-06-28 07:45:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
I wouldn't show it to her.
When I got married, only my mother and my maid of honour saw my dress, and my mother only saw it because I wanted someone to confirm that both our dresses looked good together.
I've had issues in the past with my parents, when they lent us money; they then wanted to dictate how we lived until we paid them back. Hubby and I made it very clear that WE were paying for our wedding so that we could have what we wanted and couldn't be guilted into having something that our parents wanted instead.
Both sets of parents may mean well, but if your m-i-l doesn't like your dress, will she comment? Will she try and steer you towards a more traditional choice? Ultimately, it's YOUR day (you and your husband) - be strong and only do what you feel comfortable with. If you always imagined your wedding a certain way, tell them that - they should understand.
Good luck, and hope you have a great day!
2007-06-28 11:48:14 · answer #2 · answered by Blue Kitten 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Morally, since both parents are paying for the wedding, the proper thing to do is allow both yur mother and his mother an opportunity. I understand it is YOUR day but if you're going to let your mother then really you should let the in-law as well. Maybe you and the bridesmaids and your mother could do something else together like a bruch or lunch. If you don't allow your Mom-in-law to see the dress & she finds out that the bridesmaids and yur mom has seen it, trust me you will have to answer for that later... Good luck!!!
2007-06-28 07:48:05 · answer #3 · answered by lannh04 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's about to be your mum, too, you know. Don't try to shut her out of it. It's only bad luck for the groom to see the dress prior to the ceremony......nothing is said about the future mother-in-law. She only wants to be a part of your life, so I'd say let her.
My mother-in-law didn't get to even attend our wedding. She was in the hospital, and died only a couple of weeks later. After our wedding service, the whole wedding party went up to the hospital so she could see what we were all wearing. That was 27 years ago, and I would give anything if she were still around to be in our lives.
2007-06-28 07:49:05 · answer #4 · answered by kj 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do understand how you feel about this, you want it to be a surprise for the big day and not have everyone know before hand what you are wearing. I don't think it's mean, I'm not showing my mother in law my dress either (although she already knows it's blue) purely because I want an element of surprise left for the day (we are paying our wedding ourselves). My mother has not seen my dress as she lives in Scotland, and I live in England, so it's not like I am excluding the MIL deliberately. Just say to her that you want it to be a surprise, and the less people that know the less chance there is of someone accidentally telling your future husband what it is like in conversation.
2007-06-29 00:10:52 · answer #5 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I only let my Mum, Aunties and Bridesmaids see my dress before the big day. To be honest, I don't think that my m-in-law was that bothered but if she had been then I would have described it to her but told her that it was really important to me that no-one else saw it before the big day. She can't really use the argument that she should see it because they are paying half because you could just say that your parents half is buying all the outfits and their half is for the cars, reception, flowers etc. At the end of the day it is your big day and you have the final say on everything. I upset loads of people on my wedding day by not inviting certain kids and so on but I shrugged it all off as I wanted the wedding to be perfect. Stick to your decision and don't back down. Maybe get your hubby to be to talk to her to give you some back up. Good luck on this one.
2007-06-28 07:55:30 · answer #6 · answered by nooka 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a great opportunity to get a bit closer to your future mother in law. Of course your own mum will be in on your dress details etc but, the groom's mum, can sometimes feel a bit left out. There's not a lot involved in the groom's outfit and men don't particularly want their mothers being involved!
It's a special day for her too and although you might not want to, it would be a nice gesture to include her in your plans. It would also be good to start your marriage on a positive note with your new mum in law.
2007-06-28 08:16:26 · answer #7 · answered by flutterby 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why would you not want to if she is paying for part of it? If she's not paying for any part of the dress itself, you should communicate to her that you'd like it to be a surprise to the groom and his family...If she can't respect your wishes (and only if your wishes are not based on some childish bitter feelings toward her) then perhaps you should put your foot down and explain to her that it is your wedding, not hers, and she simply will not get her way. There is no law stating she must see the dress...so do as you wish and worry not about what her feelings may be on the matter. Pick your battles though...You never know about "Monsters-In-Law" or what real control (manipulation) they have over their sons...
Best wishes to you.
2007-06-28 07:50:18 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you aren't even showing your own mother and bridesmaids then I wouldn't worry about offending your mother in law to be, by not showing her your dress. Let it be a surprise! Your own tradition of surprising everyone with your dress as you walk down the aisle and that is your choice.
2007-06-28 08:20:50 · answer #9 · answered by Miya Miya 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure if she has asked to see it she will be hurt. You dont HAVE to show it to her, but if you have shown your mom and your bridesmaids....I dont understand why it would matter if you show one more person....if you want it to be a surprise to her then tell her that....but If she is helping pay for your wedding I think its the least you can do...my soon to be mother in law actually went with me and my mom to help me pick out a dress, but its up to you.
*** I wouldn't worry about the fact that its not white and she may not approve, you bought it...its YOUR dress she will have to come to grips with that....I would show her....if she doesnt approve she will get over it, but give her time to get over it before the wedding that way she doesnt freak out and talk to people at the wedding about it...it will be ok.
2007-06-28 07:44:48 · answer #10 · answered by Nikki 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
It might be nice to let her see it and, as others have said, it might be a good way of building your bond with her.
You say you are worried she won't like it because she's traditional and it's not. You could try letting her know that it's not what she might be expecting before showing it to her. Also ask her is she might not prefer to have the surprise of seeing it for the first time when you walk into the church or wherever you are getting married.
If you are close to her (and/or if you want to get closer) i'd seriously consider showing it to her.
2007-06-28 11:06:56 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋