I have very strong feelings about this- I just don't understand why the 'last hurah' is important- if you are still clinging to the 'freedom' of bachelorhood; don't get married! I just feel that it is VERY disrespectful to have a celebration for your wedding that includes paying some random woman (or man) to take their clothes off for you. I have other reasons, but in relation to my engagement this is my main point. I feel very strongly about this, and I wonder if I am the only woman who feels this way- it seems that I am. When it has come up, people look at me like I'm crazy to feel that a strip club is not the right place to celebrate your engagement. I have never asked my fiance to not go to other bachelor parties at strip clubs, (although I still don't like it) but I just don't want his to be at one. Am I being unreasonable?
2007-06-28 06:45:45 · 30 answers · asked by slcfirekitten 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I'm asking more for my own clarification. Thankfully, he doesn't really want to go to a strip club, but he doesn't understand why I'm sooo upset by the idea. And it's not an issue of trust. I don't think that he would do anything to jeapordize our relationship. I just don't understand the desperate clinging (by some guys) to a ritual that can really be harmful. And because I don't have a penis, I'm sure I won't ever fully understand why some guys find it important.
- and just to respond to the person who said I was back peddaling- I've actually been very clear about my expectations of whoever I marry from day one- I can't change what other people do for their bachelor parties- and I DO feel it is unreasonable to ask him not to attend someone else's party. I just hold my man to a higher standard. Thankfully, he has told me that he would rather go backpacking anyway- I guess I'm more concerned about his friend's giving him grief about not doing it and him feeling whipped.
2007-06-28 07:23:39 · update #1
Unreasonable is not what I would say, no. However, it's better for him to go to the strip club, than to have one of his friends host the bachelor party as private party somewhere and bring strippers there. In an uncontrolled atmosphere, anything can (and usually does with enough $$$) happen. He's not going to the strip club to celebrate his engagement, his friends are taking him there as a bachelor party. If he had sex with someone that would be a "last hurrah", not going to a club. It's just something men do.
I understand your being upset, you're about to be married. You trust this man enough to give your life to him. You don't want him looking at other women, especially ones taking off their clothes. I'm not saying your not entitled to your feelings, you are. Look at it this way... try to relax and realize his being taken to a strip club doesn't mean a thing - he doesn't want those women, he wants you. You're the one he's going to come home to for the rest of his life, and he chose that by asking you to marry him.
2007-06-28 07:15:08 · answer #1 · answered by Proud to be 59 7 · 9⤊ 3⤋
It's not unreasonable, you can feel the way you want. And no, you can't control your husband-to-be, however he should respect your feelings. Is it really worth upsetting you so he can see some fake boobs? No it's not. It's not an issue of trust, that's just the cheap answer here. For everyone to assume that you don't trust him is ridiculous. It's an issue of respecting your feelings. I certainly don't want to be having sex with my husband on our wedding night while he's thinking of the stripper that was dancing for him the night before. I told my fiance a long time ago how I felt about this, and thankfully he agreed... he said he has no desire to go to a strip club ever. I agree with the previous answer, it's disgusting that people think this is OK in a celebration of marriage. If this guy is so upset that he's only going to be able to see you naked for the rest of his life, maybe he shouldn't be getting married. EDIT: Hollywoodmelody -- that's a really cute idea, I do like it alot. but I think he or his friends might be pissed? I can see the B2B feeling that she should hang out with them after her dance, and it also seems a little too clingy. I think avoiding the strip club all together would be best.
2016-05-21 23:39:34 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is unreasonable for you to be so upset. Do you trust your partner? Have you two set rules? What are you really concerned with? A strip club is a safe setting for his bachelor party. I'd be much more concerned about a private party home where a stripper comes over...it is cases like that where the parties get out of control, and the strippers do "extra services". Not at a strip club.
Is your fiance ok with YOU going to a strip club? If so, then I would say let it go. If he DOES have a problem with YOU going to a strip club, then fair is fair. You both should have equal rights in your relationship.
2007-06-28 08:05:51 · answer #3 · answered by Kat 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
(Oh boy... get ready! You've opened up one of the most heated debates on the board!)
Really, I don't think its unreasonable to ASK or tell him how you feel. But if he does indeed decide to go, its shouldn't be a deal breaker. It's probably more his friends wanting a good excuse to go to a strip club and using his upcoming wedding as just that excuse. He'll go and drink a few beers with his guys and come home to you. It's much better he goes to a strip club where there are bouncers and rules than if they had a private party for him and brought the stripper into a private house.
The night of his bachelor party give him a kiss, remind him you love him and tell him not too have too much fun with a wink. He loves you and will be pleasantly surprised about how cool you are being about the situation. Go out with your girls and have a good night. Or stay in with your girls and a bottle of wine and have a girls' night. They'll keep your mind off him.
Hope this helps! Best wishes!
2007-06-28 07:00:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well I can understand you feel that way but you have to understand it's mostly for the grooms friends. It's a neanderthal man's way for a rite of passage into marrige. I personally don't care. I know who he's comming home to and who makes him hot otherwise he'd be marrying the stripper and not me. But if your dead set on it suggest a paintball outing. One of my fiance's friends was a recovering alcoholic so he had everyone chip in and they shot at each other for like 6 hours. But I would plan it a good 3-4 weeks in advance because they were covered in bruises! lol Or if he's a sports fan bribe him with tickets to a game for all his friends so they can get drunk and watch the game and tell them you'll taxi them home. Or rent out a boat so they can all go fishing or a white water rafting trip. If your gonna forbid him to go to a strip club because it makes you uncomfortable make sure you come up with some great alternatives so you don't sound like his mommy, just his loving, thoughful wife! Good luck darlin'!
2007-06-28 07:00:58 · answer #5 · answered by Shannon h 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I don't think your being unreasonable... My fiance has never been to a strip club and I don't know if he plans on going to one or not for his bachelor party but I really hope not because I agree I don't think that is the place to get together and celebrate an engagement I think if he wants to go out to a bar with a few friends and have a few drinks No problem but I don't think it is appropriate for an almost married or married man to be looking at some other almost naked women's body! I think it is really disgusting!!!
2007-06-28 06:53:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
I'm not a big fan of strip clubs BUT if my bf goes to one, it's not the end-all, be-all of our relationship. What I do have a problem with is lap dances and I'm not comfortable with my bf doing that. Luckily he's too cheap (heh) to pay for one himself, but I don't know if he'd do this at his stag since someone else would pay for it...
Stags aren't a celebration of an engagement, it's a celebration of the end of bachelor-hood - very different! It's just tradition and guys are going to do it either way. Not saying they should, just saying it's the way it is.
If my bf has a stag before we get married, I'll let him know I'm not comfortable with lap dances. Knowing his friends, this won't matter and he'll get them anyway. Who knows - I haven't really thought about it! The most you can do is sit down and talk to him about it before he has his stag. Don't "forbid" him from it but at least he'll know where you're coming from.
2007-06-28 07:43:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I agree with you completely. I had a former boyfriend that when we discussed married and wedding I asked about bachelor party ideas, he said his friends might take him even if he doesn't want to go....my thinking was if your friends know you don't want to go and that you would be mad they would not take you. Now I am dating a wonderful man who completely agrees with me that strip clubs are not the best idea for a bachelor/bachelorette party. Maybe you are not with the right person if you are at such odds with one another over this.
2007-06-28 07:03:44 · answer #8 · answered by Julie 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A very good friend of mine was taken to a strip joint for his party. He sat there and drank, while the other boys poured money to the girls. I'm sure he did enjoy the view, but he didn't contribute money. When they left they went to a pool hall and continued the party. The next weekend my friend and his bride got married and had a very successful marriage. Years later his wife found out that he had gone to a strip joint, she went ballistic. She felt she was betrayed, she felt he had cheated. She ruined a good marriage because she couldn't get over it.
"I have never asked my fiance to not go to other bachelor parties at strip clubs, (although I still don't like it) but I just don't want his to be at one. Am I being unreasonable?"
Yes, you are. You didn't make you wishes known from the get go and now your trying to back pedal. Life doesn't work that way. You are now being controlling and that is unacceptable.
2007-06-28 07:06:08 · answer #9 · answered by Poppet 7 · 2⤊ 3⤋
Honestly i think yes and no. I would say yes, because you're about to make a huge commitment that is based majorly on trust. If you cannot trust the man you're engaged to to behave himself around other women, then you could possibly be with the wrong man. The tradition of males going to strip clubs for their bachelor party is very stupid indeed, but i think its more of a right of passage, he's about to commit himself utterly and completely to you. After all what's the harm in him looking at some women for a night, when he for the rest of his life is going to be devoted to you?
2007-06-28 06:58:58 · answer #10 · answered by im_your_angel172009 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋