Do I kick them out????

Question

I have an 18 year old son.. I love him to death. He has a newborn son, 3 months old. About a month ago, the mother of the baby was kicked out by her parents and is now staying with us. My son just lost his job because he didn't want to get out of bed to go to work, the girlfriend sleeps all day and is up all night on my phone and my computer, neither of them are supporting the baby, (that my husband and I are doing). i know they are young, but they decided to have the baby. He is now here and the novelty has worn off. It is like pulling teeth to get them to care for him. I want them to be responsible, and Is making them leave the right move??? Of course the little guy would stay with me... Am I being selfish in wanting my house back??? Between them and their friends, my having to pay everything including food and personal items for them.. I can't take it anymore.....

I just want to say that some think it is my fault my son is like this...well, I have been on my own since I was 17. I married at 19 and had my son at 21. I was responsible and I have tried to make him the same. I have 3 other children and they are responsible for them. My children know the kind of childhood I had and didn't want the same for them...

Answer 1

My dear....why would your son or his babies momma ever leave their current situation?

I would find the cheapest 1 bedroom apt you can afford the 1st mos rent and deposit on (get them to pay you back if you can...but I would bet you won't get it) Then help them move.

I would do some sort of custody through DFACS or your government entity expected to look after children's welfare.

The cost of getting them out will be much cheaper than letting them mooch off you for as long as they will.

Please continue to love them and expect them to do good things like finish school get jobs.....do not bail them out of bad debt or jail...(either or both could be coming).

Don't blame yourself either. I am sure by the tone of your question that he wasn't raised this way and as soon as you cut off the access to the hind tit (sorry) he will begin to take more responsibility for his life.

Be prepared for much whining and crying and gnashing of teeth about how hard this is and how unfare....all this is true...but that's life isn't it? That's how most of us start out.

Good luck, God bless and remember to have them over for supper regularly and make sure they see the baby as much as possible so they don't forget they are parents.

Answer 2

No you are not being selfish! If they were adult enough to have a baby, then they are adult enough to get a job, their own place, and take care of their baby. If they want to act like teenagers, then treat them like it. No friends over, curfew, ect. Even if they use the "I'm legally an adult and don't have to" point it out that it's your house, your rules, and yes they are legally an adult and that you don't legally have to take care of them, and let them live there anymore. Cut the girlfriend off of the phone and computer, even if you have to move them to your bedroom for some time. I wouldn't buy any personal items for them, or cook for them either. You and hubby could start eating out or making enough for just the 2 of you. They'll realize how quick they need money to be able to eat. Explain that they have a set amount of time until you start charging them rent. It's great that you take care of the baby, but you're just making it where they have no consequences for their actions. Talk to them and tell them to step up and be the parents that they should be, and that their son is not a novelty item, but a human being who needs love and cared for. How would they of felt if they were treated like a novelty item? If you want to take care of him, still make them fork out the money for the diapers, food, clothes, medical, ect. They decided to play the game, then they need to deal with it.

Answer 3

Oh yea! Hard Ball! Do move the phone and computer and put it in your room. Tell them that they are to go to the employment office to apply for jobs. Of course they have to write of resumes so you can help them with that IF necessary and now a days its put out on Monster. and few others where resumes can be posted but they can do that at the employment office. Give them four months, they also have to go out and search on foot for applications. Take her or them to the Welfare office to apply for foodstamps to help with the food situation and to W.I.C. to help pay for the formula, milk, eggs, cheese, cereal and a few other things. Ask them honestly first though if they really want to be parents at all. If not, look at some options that may be open to you. But your not being selfish by any means. Do what you need to do, Look into section 8 housing for them. I know what a pain this can be but this is tough love and I think it's tougher on us parents than on the kids! If they only knew how much! Good Luck to the both of you and God Bless!

Answer 4

As long as the baby is being cared for, then I would probably give them an ultimatum. They need to shape up or ship out. It's a harsh reality but it's tough love. You cannot continue to be their enabler or tolerate their behavior because by doing so, you give them no incentive to change. The world is a tough place but they are old enough to make a baby and they need to realize that they are now grown and must leave the nest. Life is tough, but thems the breaks. You went through it, I went through it, everyone did. Hard times promotes appreciation, character, and good work ethics. Besides, being so young can qualify them for subsidized housing or state benefits, esp if they have no jobs. They just have to be 'hungry' enough to want to help themselves. They'll thank you later.

Answer 5

First, you need to lay down some laws and stick to them. The phone and computer go off-limits. If they don't pitch in -- pitch them out! I firmly believe that if a person is healthy and able-bodied, they need to leave home by the age of 18 - 21, depending on circumstances. This is an intolerable situation and only will get worse if allowed to continue.

Oh, don't forget to apply for legal guardianship of the baby. This will make them responsible for paying child support to you for it, if they ever actually start working.

Answer 6

Do yourself, your son, and his family a favor. Pack all their stuff and leave it outside. Do not let them in to pack or to try and talk to you and work on the sympathy routine. They will use every trick in the book to stay including using the grandson as a pawn. Stay strong and do not change your mind. Of course you will also get "you don't love me, you never gave me anything, your grandson is being hurt by kicking us out, you will never see your grandson again, blah blah, blah". Ignore it all. By kicking them out you will be setting a good example by showing your son that he needs to take care of HIS family and that he needs to grow up. I am not even going to start the blame game. Yes there is some culpability on your part by enabling your sons behavior. But stop it right now. Trust me your son, daughter in law, and grandson will survive. When faced with a really bad, uncomfortable situation you would be surprised at how quick you son will straighten up and begin to take care of his obligations. Good luck and stay strong.

Answer 7

Well, this is actually pretty complicated.

First, talk with a lawyer about gaininig proper legal custody of the baby. Whatever that takes - he's the innocent here.

Then, give proper written notice to your son and girlfriend - they have 60 days to find a new place. Period.

Finally, after the 60 days are up, put their belongings out on the sidewalk and change the locks.

but start with gaining proper custody of the baby.

Answer 8

If they are going to do grown up things like have a baby then they need to take on the grown up responsibility of caring for the baby and getting up and going to work as does she. Even if they baby stays with you, they need to grow up and take on at least some of the responsibility of caring for the child. I think making them leave will force the to grow up. You are totally with in your rights of wanting to take your house back. Their behavior is very irresponsible and disrespectful to you, your husband, and the baby.

Answer 9

Well first things first. Move the phone and computer into your bedroom and put a lock on the door. That keeps her off the computer and the phone. Next tell him that is he doesnt have a job by the end of July he will be out on his *** at the beginning of August. Tell him that when he goes he will be taking his g/f with him. The baby didnt do anything to anyone so tell him the baby can stay with you until he and she get their **** together and get jobs and a place to live

Answer 10

tell them calmly but very strictly that they are not children and have their heads, it was their decision and they had to tought it over carefully before taking any steps. Say that you are not going to continue leading your life like that but as a clever and kind person you are ready to help them to make their things begin to take shape.You permit them to live at your place for 6 months and they had to find a job and to work hard and save money to move out in these 6 months and tell them that if you see that in 2 months nothing changed you warn them and then in 2 more months nothing changed you turn them out. and keep your word! if they appear to be so stupid and in 4 months you will have to keep your promise - just do it! don't hesitate! you can call them back in 2 wekks or month, but at first do it you must show them that you were not pretending when warned them. good luck