How can I get over the death of cat who died painfully and alone?

Question

My very elderly cat died today, and im having a hard time getting over it. Whats makes me upset the most is that she died at the vets (from a heart attack becuase of the stress of a blood test) and i wasnt there. She died on a cold, hard wooden table with a stranger and not in her owner's loving arms. It couldnt of been peaceful. What annoys me also is that i didnt take her to the vets when she first started to show syptoms of concern. Maybe if I had been more prompt, she would still be here? The vet said that in the weeks/days leading up to her death she had been in a great deal of pain, and that just makes me even more upset. She died in pain. I dont know how to get over her death, im hysterical. How do I get used to not having her in my daily life? She a family cat so ive known her since I was born.
I was thinking of getting another cat or perhaps a dog to fill the gap. I feel very guilty and frustrated about how she died. Please advise me on what to do and how to get through this

Answer 1

I have been where you are before and there isn't much at all you can do but feel what you are feeling. Time heals everything and right now it feels like the end of the world for you. You just lost a member of your family and a great friend. Hand in there....I read this poem when I feel grief for any of my lost pets. Hope it can comfort you a bit.


Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Answer 2

I really feel your loss. There's a line from a Sylvia Plath poem about dying "alone, near no accustomed hand," and it just sounds sadder to go that way. It's pretty difficult to be there during the last minutes, too, if the truth is known. There's just no "right" day for these things to happen. It's difficult to make the decision when the time has come. Your decision was taken away from you by the events of the day, but it doesn't mean you respected her any less. Do not fault yourself too much for not taking her sooner. Elderly is elderly. I've had them live to be 24, and right now I've got a 19 year old male who surprises me every morning by breathing through the night. Because she died of a heart attack, I would think that it was swift going, more or less. Even if you had been there, you couldn't have known that the blood test would have those results. Put your mind instead on the idea that if she indeed had been in pain for a long time, that now, it's all over. She doesn't have to suffer anymore. She had limited ways of communicating this to you, too, or else you would have done something about it. She sounds like a real soldier, and you sound as if you have a big heart that's being torn apart. Take comfort that she's at peace now. I would take a few days to mourn her and then ask myself about getting another pet. There's always time for that. There are pet loss groups available on the Internet, although I don't know any right off myself. Best of luck. Peace.

Answer 3

Just remember that you're totally, utterly and completely normal to be so upset when a pet you love dies. Maybe if you had taken her to the vet's sooner he would have suggested euthanasing her to put her out of her pain - but then you would still feel guilty because of having to make that decision. She was probably too old and too ill to be 'cured'. You will always feel guilt because you have a sense of responsibility to your cat like for a child. But the reason for the guilt is the massive amount of love that you have for her - which is such a positive thing. What you need to do is concentrate on the fact that she was a very lucky cat to have had such a loving owner and she obviously had a great life with you - and that's something to celebrate. Don't try to replace her - all cats are different and you will never come across the same personality. Wait until you feel better about her death - time is a great healer and you will eventually be able to look back at the time you had with her and have fantastic memories - I know, I speak from experience. You will know when the time is right to get another cat.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry. But it sounds to me like she had a really nice long happy life. I think that if a cat has a really happy long life, even if its death wasn't exactly a painless death that cat had a good life and the way it died doesn't change that. If I were you, I would wait at least a week, to allow yourself some time to grieve (and im not saying do nothing for an entire week but don't go out the day after your cat dies and get another i think that's too soon) then I know its hard but try to get over it. I'm not saying get another cat and forget all about this one but pick yourself up and move on as best as you can. Go to an animal shelter and get a cat that didn't have the best life so far and give it what you gave your other cat a happy long love-filled life. Again, I'm so sorry about what happened but remember it's not in anyway your fault.

Answer 5

I am so sorry for the loss of your cat. My cat died in a similar way and I had known him my whole life. The vet was wrong to say that to you - there is nothing you can do about what happened before your cat's death. Your cat is now in a peaceful place so it is no longer feeling anymore pain. Part of the process of grieving is bargaining in which you try to make a deal with God that if you had only done something different, the loss could have been avoided. This is human and normal. My cat died over four years ago and I often dream about him and think I see him around my mother's house out of the corner of my eye. I would advise waiting a while before getting a replacement pet. I got one about 7 months later that looked exactly like my first cat, but did not behave in any way like him. It was a disaster. No other pet can make up for the one you lost. You will always be able to find comfort in knowing you had a special relationship with your cat. In the future, I hope you will have another meaningful relationship with a pet. You seem like a person who truly loves animals, so I am sure you will.
You did the best you could at the time. Please dont beat yourself up about it any further. Your cat lived a long life and all living creatures must die. You did all you could do and will lovingly remember your cat forever.

Answer 6

I'm really sorry about your cat, but there's nothing you could have done and nothing can change that now, so please-let's lay that down first. You should remember all the good times you had with your cat, and not how she died. She lived a good life, and I'm sure you took care of her. This is so not your fault! I wouldnt reccomend immediately getting a new cat or dog, because it will make you think of her more. So try keeping a picture of your cat looking happy in a place where you will see it a lot. When you see the picture, think of how much fun you guys had together and how much you guys cared for one another. In a few months, when you feel ready, I suggest getting a new kitten or puppy. Treat your new pet just like your old cat, but leave the picture up and remember your old cat. Also, don't name your new pet after your old pet. You have to move on, but hang on to those memories. Make donations in your pet's name to local shelters. Talk to your friends about how sad you are, and remember-don;t be afriad to cry! Try talking to someone who has also lost a pet, close friend, etc. about how they coped. After a month or 2, if you are still grieving, talk to a counselor. Hope I helped, and again, I'm really sory. Good luck!

Answer 7

This made me teary eyed. I didn't go through the exact thing but similar. My cat, Beebs, who was 19 and I had had him since I was 4, was having problems with his leg. In fact he had had problems for a long time, but vets always thought it was arthritis.

After about 10 years of treating him for arthritis, I went to a few different vets and one found out that my cat had bone cancer and that it was too late. The only option was to amputate. Now, my cat was 19 and very slow moving. I couldn't do this to him. We had to put him to sleep. He wanted to die before I made this decision as he stopped wanting to eat and started hiding from me, which he had NEVER done in his life.

I was there with him and it was extremly hard because the vet and assistant were not... understanding at all and were hasty about it. My cat was upset because they put pressure on his painful leg when they were bending over to shave him and insert the needle of death. He was growling when he died and I was heartbroken. He had never growled in his life so hearing him do this when he died was terrible. I've never gone to that vet again.

It's been 2 years and I still cry for him. He was my 1 cat love and there will never be another like him.

I tried replacing him and also had 3 other cats at the time when he died. I still have those cats but they aren't like him. They also missed him a lot.

To try to fill the void, I fostered 4 kittens from a local shelter for about 2 months. This just hurt more because no matter how hard I looked I couldn't find a cat like Beebs.

So my recommendation is, let yourself be sad. You cannot help but feel guilt and that you did something wrong, but what's done is done and you cant let yourself feel that way forever. You have to remember the good times and the love and keep it close in your thoughts. As I said, Its been 2 years and I still cry often and miss my comfort kitty.

Your kitty just died today so give yourself time. Its taking me years.

For some people, replacements work, but if you were close to your cat, this wont.

Let yourself feel it now, find a friend that will let you talk about it, and eventually you will start to feel better. But you CANNOT feel guilty forever. This wasn't your fault.

Answer 8

I'm so sorry about your loss and how things came out. Since your cat was very elderly, you have no way of knowing that your cat would have survived even if you had gone to the vet sooner. The way she died was a fluke and not your fault. Bad things sometimes just happen. In time, your feelings will be less raw and upset. Please try not to feel guilty. The reason your cat was so elderly is because you took good care of her for so long.

If you feel ready to get a new cat, then do so. But only if you feel ready. And keep in mind this cat will have its own personality and it will be a new relationship and won't be just like your old cat.

Answer 9

I'm sorry for your loss, you obviously loved your cat very much. Our pets do play similar roles in our lives to that of small children, so it's natural that we feel responsible for everything that happens to them.

As humans we believe in cause and effect, that everything happens for a reason, but sometimes there are things that we could not have prevented. Try also to remember that it's a natural survival instinct for animals to hide signs of illness and cats are especially good at this.

I remember all too well the almost physical pain when my cat died, and I wish I had some wise words to take away the hurt. I know it will just sound like empty words right now, but the old cliche about time being the great healer is true. Your loss is so very recent, that you need to allow yourself time to mourn, just as you would for any other member of your family. If you have someone you can talk to about her, or a shoulder to cry on, really does help.

You are not alone in feeling in some way to blame for the death of your cat. I say this because I felt that way too, when my beloved 19 year old cat died because of poor treatment by a vet. Someone else recently posted the question "Did your beloved pet die because of your neglect?" Reading the responses to that question, may help you at this time. (My own story is posted there - too long to copy & paste here)

http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AogoL6xJ84nhO4oqY9DQ1oYhBgx.?qid=20070516072922AACVN8S&show=7#profile-info-AA10257446

I felt so guilty about my cat's death, that for two years, I couldn't forgive myself. Then one day I came across an article called "Breaking the Power of Guilt" written especially for pet owners. Reading it helped me come to terms with my feelings and from that day on, my memories of my cat were happy ones and not sad ones of her final day. I've posted the link to this article and hope that it brings you the same comfort that it did for myself.

http://rainbowsbridge.com/stories/Lynn-BreakingThePowerofGuilt-632963483160948750.aspx

Take care.

Answer 10

i was 17 when my family dog died also aged 17. she had a stroke downstairs in the kitchen during the night while the family slept upstairs. i woke to my mum telling me to say goodbye, i went downstairs to see her in such a state it was unbearable. we took her to the vet and she went to sleep in my arms looking right at me. i was so heart broken that i didnt go home for 4 days and when i did i scrubbed my stairs that had dog hair on them so hard that i was pouring with blood in the end hysterical. my mum and dad and sister also found it very tough so we decided to get another dog to see if this helped. it didnt - we resented the new dog because it wasnt our baby. we gave the dog to a good home and thn got a cat to see if this could fill place. i got izzy nearly a year after suzi died and love her very much, she is now over a year and has just had 5 kittens. I will never forget suzi nor will i ever replace her but izzy keeps me company when i feel down like suzi did. i still cant go into the vets where we had suzi put to sleep. you will probably be better of getting a dog as anothjer cat will remind you to much of the cat you had.

I am very sorry for your loss.

Louise