... if divorce is neither an option nor desired, there's nothing abusive going on, but somewhere along the way a marriage of many years has just become moribund? If you were a friend to both and one of them asked you this question, what would you say?
I can't provide any other details, other than both parties in the marriage in question are Catholic. Sincere thoughts from people of the Catholic faith, any other faith or no particular faith are equally welcome.
2007-06-28 02:45:38 · 33 answers · asked by Clare † 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
All right, all right. I'll drop the hypothetical part of this, although it's pretty thin since many of you have seen through it.
It's my own marriage. And I don't mind telling you that right now, I feel pretty crappy.
2007-06-28 04:37:51 · update #1
First thing that popped into my mind: You are talking to the wrong people.
Granny, you need to sit down with your beloved and have a heart-to-heart talk. Lock the doors, take the phone off the hook, unplug the tv and stereo (unless you play gentle music with no lyrics), uncork a bottle of wine (or brew a cup of tea, or whatever relaxes you).
Get comfortable.
Then talk with him ... from the heart.
Remember that you are a team. When one of you has a problem, you both have a problem. Trust your team to be there for you and to help you with your problem.
Communication and trust. There is no solution without them.
2007-06-28 11:15:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If divorce is not an option then it leaves no other choice than to stay together. They can either live as room mates or they can try to rekindle their marriage to some extent. This is very common among individuals who have married for a long period of time. I do not know the details so it is hard to give the right suggestions. Couple who gain or lose a child face the most difficult of times in a marriage. If the couple could find a passion that they share and grow from that their lives could change. Sometimes an animal fills the void of a missing child. If it is a change in intimacy there are also many things that can be done to change this issue as well. If marriage counseling is an option I would suggest they go for it. Also mentioned was the Catholic faith, would it be possible for these individuals to go to their priest and discuss their problems. I wish them the best and I hope all works out between the two.
2007-06-28 03:07:54 · answer #2 · answered by maggie77 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Most people are scared of the word counseling because they think that you only go to a counselor when you are crazy. That's not true. Don't we take our cars to get oil changed, inspected, or worked on continuously? Why? So that it continues to perform to our expectations. What would happen if you never changed your oil? It would run fine for probably up to 10000 miles and then you'd start to notice little problems creeping in. After a little more time you'd have major problems and possibly a car that is ruined. Any successful relationship (marriage, friendship, work) depends on clear respectful communication from both parties. The problem is that a majority of people have not been taught to analyze their thinking, change incorrect thought and behavior patterns, and then correctly convey those thoughts to another individual. For a while the relationship goes well and then little by little problems creep in until the morning you wake up and realize your marriage is in serious trouble.
Everything can be repaired if both parties are willing. There will be scars, be prepared for that, for both individuals; but the betrayals and dissapointments need to be discussed and worked through. If communication is very broken down between the two of you, then go see a counselor. They will allow you to air your dirty laundry and then assist you in cleaning it. The most important thing to do is keep your chin up and take each day as it comes. You do what is right between you and God and let everybody else have the chance to do the same. You will make it.
2007-06-28 03:01:32 · answer #3 · answered by aslansdaddy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It happens alot. Divorce is NOT an option, the minute you mention it, it is then on the table as one, so don't.
I remember reading somewhere that marriages go through hard times (or divorce) at certain ages. The study said at about 5, 7, 15, 21 years, or thereabouts. Seems to be a cycle or something.
I would think the thing to do is to put forward the effort to re-kindle the fire that is still there, but you can't see.
People that are shown love, can and do respond .
2007-06-28 02:57:28 · answer #4 · answered by Jed 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm afraid that taking a poll is not going to give you your answer. It is inside you. What about it are you questioning, should you leave or not? I'd say if you are staying for the Church is a bad reason. Listen to your heart, and therefor to God. Do what is good for you, not others. It is God who has the final say about sin, not the Church. They are ppl who don't even get married to other people! My guess is you want out, but don't know how to do it and still feel ok inside. I also think the not feeling ok inside is because of doctrine, not one from the human heart. You and your husband both deserve to be happy. If staying married is like staying in a dentist's chair, then break the chains you have on yourself, and get up!
I know this is hard. May God aid you in your decision.
Blessed be
2007-07-04 11:52:51 · answer #5 · answered by Linda B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many people have suggested counseling to you already. I agree.
Ask others to pray for you.
Pray together as a couple if you can. I know this isn't always possible because one party might not be willing.
Consider Retrouvaille. It is similar to a Marriage Encounter, but it's designed especially for marriages that need healing and renewal.
You might also check out the Catholic website for Exceptional Marriages. It is run by the Popcaks, who also have a radio show.
All the links are listed below. Just give them a quick look and see if anything looks like it might be helpful.
And please know that I will keep you in my prayers.
Hugs.
2007-06-28 06:58:38 · answer #6 · answered by Faustina 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I guess counseling for starters. The Church offers programs for married couples, retreats etc. But they both have to want to find what has been lost.
They should discuss their marriage and decide together to dig in and work on it. This may mean changing something extreme...how their life currently operates. They need to shake it up.
They need to both seek God individually in this and as a married couple. Perhaps volunteer at the Church together...like the pro-life group or RCIA...something that will reconnect them through their faith.
Sometimes even a separation can be good...if only to give each of them time to focus on what is good about their relationship and try to rebuild.
Prayer...turn to God for comfort and peace. He is the bond between them and that is a strong bond.
2007-06-28 02:53:34 · answer #7 · answered by Misty 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Ask a few friends who they would recommend for a good marriage counsellor. Or try asking your family doctor.
I have never known of ANYbody who was sorry they went to a marriage counsellor. They work through details of communication and ways of interacting that could really change the dynamic of your relationship.
If I hadn't seen it transform so many marriages I've known, I would butt out of this question, but I would encourage you to try marriage counselling (from a real marriage counsellor, not a pastor). Best wishes.
2007-06-28 02:50:18 · answer #8 · answered by Laptop Jesus 3.9 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
If I were you (and I have been there) I would try to remember what made me fall in love with this man you are married to ... Then find the best things that you love about this person.... and the worse things as well. Share these with your partner make sure he wants to work on it as well. Definately find someone to pray with... Try to go on little dates and maybe role play a little. Like you are at a restuarant and he ask if he can sit with you and act like you are on a date. It works if you really want it too! Good Luck I hope everything works out for the best!
2007-06-28 15:53:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without being too glib, you are the change you want to make happen.
Make your husband know how you feel, and then work to change that part of you that has contributed to this decline. Nobody can make anybody else change - all you can change is you.
You can have hope that by being the one to set the example, you will have been the "light on the hill" so to speak.
You've already inspired me to make a difference today. I was a little grumbly at home yesterday, and now I'm resolved to change my attitude when I get home today!
2007-06-28 02:59:30 · answer #10 · answered by evolver 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋