toddler jealousy?

Question

Hello! My 18 month old daughter cries rivers when I hold another baby.

(1) what do I do to get her to let me...do I dicipline her for the outburst or do I cuddle her? I have tried to let her sit on my lap at the same time and she still wales. I dont want a spoiled child...and I dont want her to think I am going to replace her with the baby I am holding...what do I do?

(2) what happens when I have another baby? Is there a way to prepare her for this? I dont want her crying while I am already exhausted with a newborn. I also dont want her to feel left out.

Answer 1

how about ignoring her when she has these outbursts? then when home why not try holding a baby doll wrapped up in blankets . she how she reacts then and if she keeps up with the outbursts ignore her when she does this cause she sees she is getting a reaction from you . When she stops then you pay attention to her and she will get it . good luck.

Answer 2

with a child that young, it really isn't jealousy, but more of possessiveness and fear.

she thinks in her immature reasoning, that she may be replaced by the baby you are holding and that the baby is invading her private space, you. do not discipline her for being upset. if she tries to strike out/scratch/bite at you, the baby, a bystander, discipline that as you would any other anti-social behavior, but just being upset needs comfort and reassurance more than anything else. if she doesn't calm ignore yelling/basic tantruming, at that point it is attention seeking and even negative attention will feed into it.

before holding another baby, tell your daughter that you are going to do so and that you expect her to behave like a lady, and that ladies are sweet and kind. the words may not have any effect, but they can't hurt either. Do not give in to her crying/wailing. always give her positive attention when she is quiet/appropriate. you may even try to show her things about the baby that may interest her....like. the baby has such tiny feet, look how much you have grown up. or wow look how many teeth you have, this baby doesn't have any at all yet. Try to involve a positive for her in the interaction w/the baby.
if you have another child, involve her in the process as much as you can from the very beginning, allow her to help pick clothes/colors/toys/stuffed animals/blankets/etc for the baby before the baby is even born, and once the newborn has arrived, whenever it is wearing/using something your daughter chose for it, make a big deal over how much the baby likes it and how she did such a good job picking it out.
overall, be loving and consistent. Use the same phrases over and over an do not yell/punish your daughter for wanting you all to herself.

Answer 3

When you are holding the other baby, sit down and let your daughter see him. Say to your daughter, "isn't this baby cute?" Or something like that. "Look at this little baby?" or even maybe say "wow. do you think his mommy loves him as much as I love you?" Another thought would be to tell her what she was like when she was a baby while you're holding him and she's looking at him. If she freaks out and climbs all over you, then put her on your lap WITH the baby. This way, she'll begin to learn how to share you. Ignoring the behavior may just make it worse. You don't know why she's thinking. And not holding babies will just teach her how to have temper tantrum later one.

Answer 4

first of all she is 18 months this is a normal stage of development for her. she will be jealous and should be jealous. now that said if and when you get pregnant you have 9 months to let her come to terms with having another baby as your belly gets bigger you can reiterate that a baby is growing in there have your toddler help you get the room ready for the new baby but don't put up the bassinet or co sleeper in your room until you have left for the hospital. let your daughter help put it up while you are not there and let her pick out an outfit to bring to the hospital for the baby to wear home. it is important that she knows the baby is coming home. and when you get home since you were gone when the babies bassinet was set up she will have to show you where the baby will sleep so she is part of it all and a big part of it.

good luck and don't fret all kids go thru this and it is normal and you want her to know this is my mommy and be possessive of you right now.

Answer 5

Give her some special time,a time when it's just the two of you,make it clear that it's your special time,when you focus your attention solely on her.Then if she makes a fuss when you give attention to another child then remind her about your special time,make sure you have something fun planned to do with her at this time.If she continues to make a fuss then however hard it may be,the best course of action is probably to ignore her,don't say anything,or give her attention,the sooner a child learns that throwing a tantrum is not going to get them what they want,the better.Trust me,use this method a few times and she'll soon get bored of it.

Edit::: I do agree with the other replies though,try and let her be a part of your time with this other child,let her feel involved,it's when she causes a real scene and responds negatively that you should ignore her.