Can you give us a laugh?

Question

It is early and we need to start the day off right. Can you give us a good laugh that is clean? I know, John fell in the mud puddle-what kind of a joke is that?

Answer 1

SMILE!
... It makes people wonder what you're up to.

Answer 2

LOL nice windbreaker and here is one for ya

maybe not too clean

Sunday School

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

Answer 3

Having gained a lot of weight, a woman finally announced to her family that she was going to have to stop wearing a two-piece swimsuit and switch to wearing a one-piece. At this, her son, fearfully questioned her: "Which piece are you going to wear?"

Lisa, my co-worker at the bus company, needed to send a letter of apology to a customer whose trip was a complete fiasco from start to finish. I reminded her of a similar situation a year earlier, and dug out the letter I'd written then. "All you have to do," I told her, "is change the details, the date and the name." She looked it over and smiled wryly. "We don't need to change the name."
-Susan Rutledge

My sister Darlene has the courage -- but not always the skills -- to tackle any home-repair project. For example, in her garage are pieces of a lawn mower she once tried to fix. So I wasn't surprised the day my other sister, Jesse, and I found Darlene attacking her vacuum cleaner with a screwdriver. "I can't get this thing to cooperate," she explained. "Why don't you drag it out to the garage and show it the lawn mower?" Jesse suggested.
-Judee Norton

I wrote a paper for an English class, followed by a presentation comparing two novels -- one about a man seeking a wife, the other about four women looking for true love. While searching the Internet for clip art for my presentation, I typed in "love." The response: "Your search for love yielded no results."
-Melissa Hyrkas

Answer 4

A kid is walking down the street carrying a bottle of turpentine and he meets up with a preacher that is carrying a bottle of holy water.

The preacher asks the little boy what he is carrying and the boy replies, "Im carrying the strongest liquid in the world…turpentine."

The preacher says, "Well, Im sorry to disagree with you, but what I have in this jar is the strongest liquid in the world."

The boy asks, "Oh yeah? What is it?"

The preacher replies, "This is a bottle of holy water."

The boy smirks, "Pfft…holy water, what can THAT do?"

The preacher explains, "Well, I can take a drop of this, put it on a pregnant woman's stomach and she will pass a healthy baby."

The kid laughs, "HA, that’s nothing…I can take a drop of this, put it on a cat's butt, and it will pass a motorcycle!"

Answer 5

One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub together. The proceeded to each buy a pint of Molson Canadian. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverage three flies landed in each of their pints.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling...
"SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"



Ed and Fred were flying along when the two idiots crash-landed on a desert island.
"What should we do?", said Ed.
"Hmmm, let's think.", replied Fred.
Ed shook his head, "No, let's do something you can do too!"


Ring Ring...
Hello, who is it?
Is your phone number 13498732?
No.
So, why do you pick up the phone?


for more go to: http://jokes.federal.ro/jokes/idiots--1.htm

Answer 6

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"

Answer 7

Faithful Cat


Once upon a time, a woman had a faithful cat. And one day, a guy ran over the cat with his horse drawn carriage. So, the man went to the old woman and said..

"I'm terribly sorry about your cat. I'd like to replace him."


"That so nice of you!" said the old woman, deeply touched.


"So how good are you at catching mice?"

Answer 8

y'd the chicken cross the road?
cuz he's a fat as* and he needed excercise.

i know that sucked but, i thought of that when i was like 7 and never forgot it since then.

okay, but, if you really want to laugh at some crazy random stuff then go on youtube and look up "stick figures on crack 3" it's awesome

Answer 9

3 guys hiking across the amazon got lost only to be surrounded by three groups of the "bushya" tribe. the chieftain said "u have trespassed in our holy land, you need to be punished. You each have a choice of 'death' or 'mgomba'."
the first bloke thought "I don't want death" and aloud he cried out "I'll take mgomba", Immediately the first group, came forward and banged his rear one by one.
the second thoughht "surely they can't do it all over again, they must be tired by now". He choose Mgomba and this time the second group came forward and did their thing, noy only that the first group too followed suite.
the third bloke was desperate and thought" no way three groups are gonna @rse rape me". He said calmly "I'll take death".
To this the chief replied "alright boys, DEATH BY MGOMBA"

Hope you liked it. I typed all that up.

Answer 10

What is orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot!

Answer 11

go to youtube type in nintendo 64 kid remix watch it then type in sneezing panda and keep your eye on the big panda then watch it again it more funner the next time