Can a person get so used to getting angry that it becomes almost habitual? Is it a habit easily broken?

Question

If you feel guilty about getting angry is that a sign you might try and control it next time?

Sandra B. you are on it and out there! Thanks for the levity!

I am speechless! Wow! A wealth of valuble information here.......Thank you all

Answer 1

We are conditioned Beings and these conditions are right there in our Consciousness.

Who we are is conditioned, how we think is conditioned, how we experience those things we experience is conditioned...allow me to give a simple example of one of these conditions....permanence....

We see a beautiful flower, we acknowledge its beauty in the moment of recognition and generally say to ourselves.."Oh, what a beautiful flower..." Do we not...?

A week later we see the same flower, yet it's beauty has faded, we often say then.."Oh, how sad, the flower has faded.." Is this not so..?

What has happened is we have seen the beauty of the flower, yet our consciousness has placed a condition on its beauty. The condition..? Permanence.

Yet our own eyes see impermanence...!! Not only this but we have made a decision about this faded beauty. We have decided that the sight of the faded flower is sad.

The flower is supposed to fade, its true nature is impermanence.

Our consciousness has deceived us with its preconceived condition of permanence and we have made a false judgement using this conditioning as our basis for it. We have been deceived..!!

There are many such conditions within the Consciousness. Equally as deceiving.

Many of our actions are based on equally deceiving conditions in the consciousness, conditions of superiority over others, conditions of "Self", conditions of response to triggers. The Consciousness is a minefield of such conditions. All of these conditions are learned and can be just as well unlearned.

The Lord Buddha understood and gave us 2 ways to unlearn these things. The 2 ways...? Persistence and effort. This is why the Practise of Buddhism is known as a Practise and is also why it is unnecessary to be a Buddhist to practise, everyone can do this all it takes is choice.

Whenever "Self" arises in the Consciousness, suffering soon follows. Although this is a Buddhist phrase and attributed to the Lord Buddha, it is very apt when it comes to the guilt (suffering) felt in the aftermath of unwise action.

Habits are caused by conditions in the consciousness, to break a habit takes first choice and then effort. To be successful in this effort takes persistence, hence the phrase persistence and effort.

It is not easy and the choice is often tough, very tough but it is definitely worth the effort.

Feeling guilty is simply one of the consequences of unwise action whether it is anger, theft, gossip, or some other hurtful action. The choice to Not do something equally as unwise remains based on the conditions in the consciousness at the time of the next choice.

Practise letting these feelings go rather than picking them up and the choice becomes easier. Feeling the good feelings after a wise choice makes it worthwhile. Giving these good feelings to another for no reward at all, now there's a goal towards which all should aim. Let this become habitual then Peace becomes habitual, let Peace become normal practise then.... Nibbana ....Enlightenment...For me.?...No...

For all...!! Persistence and Effort...

Peace from a Buddhist....

Answer 2

Old habits are hard to break.....but the are breakable, if the person truly and honestly wants to break that bad habit. Anything is possible.

There are groups/classes/meetings to help with guilt/anger/control issues. You can find them, online, phone book, hospitals, chruches, etc.

You should always try to keep your anger in check, and if you feel your gettting to your boiling point, go for a walk, calm down, count to ten s-l-o-w-l-y, excuse yourself from the situation. There are always other options. Try to find an out or the cause of the anger. Just don't turn to drugs or alcohol to "numb" the guilt.

Answer 3

Yes it can become habitual, no it is not easily broken, yes guilt could be one step in controlling it (however guilt can be habitual as well)

One way of changing it is identifying what you are getting out of it - because you are getting something that you percieve as positive out of it. Maybe it is a sense of control, maybe it is being left alone, maybe it is a feeling of self righteousness - you are getting something out of it. Identify that - and find other, more socially accepatble ways of getting that. Once you know what you get out of it, then look for signs that it is coming, the better you get at recognizing you are getting angry the earlier you recognize it. If you can recognize it early you may be able to avoid it. Once you are headed into full swing your brain has physically changed, and the endorphins and other brain chemicals are going. You have to ride it out.

So - Be honest with yourself about what it gets you, learn to see when it is happening, pick a way to stop it 'early'. Good luck with that.

Answer 4

Anger, first let us examine what this powerful emotion is, and where it resides. Anger is first cousin to impatience and intolerance, Anger justifies any thing it chooses. It lives in the nervous system and branches out of every pore and spills out of the mouth. Anger is always followed by shame and guilt. Twiddle dee and twiddle dum. See that little birdy on my shoulder? Papa says, when I was a baby I would drink all his ice tea and spit it all over the porch. The doctor said the results were negative.I have to spot clean the couch tonight. He went to 711 to get a super big gulp with lots of ice. Did you ever bite your toe nails? There is a beautiful full moon tonight. I saw it lit up from all of the blue and red fire crackers comming from the God and country show at the Idaho Center. The baby spilled her v8 juice all over her highchair. My GED test is next month. Now, what was I saying? Oh yes, I remember, yes indeed. Shall we proceed? Anger is fertile and gives birth to rage when not kept in check. Mutation mountain. Check mate! got skills!

Answer 5

To answer them in order - yes, they can become that used to it. In fact, the hormonal rush that comes with anger can be addicting.

Like any addiction, it isn't easily broken.

If you feel guilty, yes, it does means you MIGHT be able to better control yourself next time. However, habitual abusers often feel and express remorse for their actions, yet the repeat them again and again. So guilt is not a guarantee that control will come.

Answer 6

I've gone through anger management therapy and the best thing I can tell you is;
Being mad in going to happen, but letting it grow is a decision that you have made. You need to walk away when you feel it growing so you can get yourself back to a point that you can be rational.
The more you let yourself get burning mad the more you'll like it.

Answer 7

some people do seem angry all the time. it is a good idea to try and control your anger. we should be angry about some things but not let it boil over to attack others.

Answer 8

THERS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING ANGRY


Dang it**slams the phone into the wall**I am not ANGRY!

Answer 9

Yes-unless you deal one by one with the underlying issues, and the reasons 'why' a particular subject makes you mad. Otherwise, everytime a thing happens or a particular subject is brought up again, it's too easy to get mad. The subconscious only remembers how it made you feel the LAST time it came up or the LAST time it happened or someone did a particular thing. If you never deal with the reason behind it, the same feelings will resurface all over again. And since the mind can't distinguish between real and imagined, your emotions will follow suit.

That's why athletes have been proven to improve their skills, simply by using their mind. Experimental studies have shown that basketball players for example,who imagine, shooting perfect hoops over & over again, not only improve, but their heart rate/pressure goes up, even though they are lying perfectly still. The mind can't distinguish the difference.

Same with emotions. If you replay in your mind over & over a thing that angers you, before long you will be angry. If you don't stop and consider your reasons for it (when you're not angry), as soon as the thought occurs again, the body & emotions follow suit. So yes, it can become habitual.

You can't rely on guilt or other emotions to guide you. Emotions come & go. First you need to determine whether it is anger or impatience. Remember it's the situation you control by the choices you make to prevent emotions from building up in the first place, which is no one else's fault or responsibility. And no one else is responsible for your happiness, contentment, or peace of mind but yourself.(If I could have known these things earlier in my own life, I could have saved myself a whole lotta' grief!)

Just learn to read the warning signs. As soon as you feel emotions building up, you need to take care of it. Find what works for you, it might be turning on some tunes, removing yourself from that environment, going for a walk, or taking a deep breathe and "blowing" it out real slow can help you regroup. Even getting something to eat can help. Some people get angry easily when they need to eat, simply because they are hungry or even overly tired and just need to go to bed earlier or take a nap, even for 15-20 mins. can help. Sexual depravity can also create tension & anxiety and cause irritability, if it is not on a regular basis, hormones can cause irritability.

Or sometimes it simply means you are doing too much of one thing and not enough of something else. Creating some balance in your life can help.

If you feel the tension building, it's your body's defense telling you, you need to take time out for yourself. "now!"

that's why it's important to determine what exactly it is that aggravates or angers you. If it's little things that annoy you, or specific things. If it's a certain time of day/night etc. Once you identify them, you can find ways to prevent them and even avoid them altogether. There are ways. If you notice that you seem to get angry every time you're in a particular situation or place, take steps ahead of time. don't wait 'til you're in the situation-it don't work.

A good rule of thumb is to just take care of the "now". Don't let it build. If something someone does bothers you when you see it, turn your head. The key is, you can't always wait for others to do anything about things that bother you, chances are, it doesn't even bother them. But if it bothers "you", take care of it.

My husband has a saying that says, "If you don't like the color of your house, paint it!"

I'm in a wheelchair from MS and I can't always get all the house work done every day. When my husband sees dishes in the sink or whatever and it bothers him, he just runs water in the sink and washes them. If he's hungry, he goes & gets something to eat for himself rather than get into an argument. We have rule in our house to avoid "starting" arguments. We've learned over the years, that in the time it takes to have an argument over something, we could have had it done already and avoided an argument> Life is too short to waste on anger, when there is so many other things to be enjoyed.

Being in a wheelchair has taught me to appreciate life more and not to take anything for granted-because you don't know what you've got,'til it's gone. I went from walking, to hand crutches to a wheelchair in a month's time. Believe me, there is so much to be thankful for and plenty of things that I put off doing, and I took for granted that would always be there, like always being able to walk. You just never know. You just don't think about such things until their gone-atleast I didn't.

Sometimes it's the little things that can make all the difference-I've found in my own life, the less you depend on others and the more you can do for yourself, the happier you'll be because then "you're" in charge of your life. This way you make yourself responsible and not anyone else. If you don't like something, change it, if you need something, go get it. If you don't want to hear the answer, then don't ask. If you like something done a certain way, do it for yourself. If you like something or need something, say so. If you need help, ask. You don't have to sweat the small stuff.

I hope this helps you because I know it's helped me, I'm talking from about 30 years of experience. One of the greatest lessons I've ever learned is to start being responsible for myself and my own happiness, and learning how to take control of my own life for "me", knowing that if I don't like it, or something irritates me, I have a choice. I can either accept it, or change it. No one else can do it for me.

When it comes to your own life and how happy, or how miserable you are, Either way the choice belongs you..........................