Would it be too strange to contact my grandfather I've never met?

Question

Sooo I was studying my ancestry, which is difficult because my biological father is estranged from us and from what I know, his father was estranged from him long before that. Anyway, I came across his father, my grandfather, and he lived a fascinating life as an author and I really enjoyed reading about him and his work and I found his address. I thought about writing him a letter and maybe sending him a pic of my brother and me but I'm hesitant because I don't want to freak out this 80 year old man but maybe he would appreciate it? I feel strange reading all of this stuff from him and seeing his picture, but he has no idea about me.

What do you think? Just keep it to myself or try to contact?

Answer 1

i would write him a letter. im sure that sounds scary but thats what i would do. the best things in life often cost the most. maybe you could start the letter as an adoring fan. salting it with hints of who you are, then tell him in the middle. tell him how much you admire his work and, if he is willing, that you want to call or meet him. he may reject you, and that would be terrible. he may not. he may have regrets about whatever caused the estrangement between him and your dad, but you will never know unless you make him aware of you. he just might welcome you with open arms. it would do an old man good to have his family back.
skydiver36c makes a good point. my aunt was a first cousin of johnny carson (the tonight show). showed us pictures out of her mothers family albums of johnny carson and his dad her uncle and her as well as other family memebers. told us stories of what they did as kids, family functions, etc etc etc. she knew this guy as a kid then the whole anti semetic thing in wwii happened and she never saw him again. saw other cousins but not him. she got up the nerve to write him a letter when she was about 75 or so. he shot her down as a gold digger. broke her heart. i tell you this not to discourage you but to make the point that it may not go as you like, but you have to try. if you do not try then you will regret that you didnt for the rest of your life. regret is a terrible thing. take the chance you may find something wonderful.

Answer 2

Go and see him. If he is disinterested, you tried. I never knew my father even though it turned out that I grew up in the same small town where he lived , actually quite close to his house. It took me years of searching and a little bit of luck but now, nearly 60 years old, I've seen pictures of my fathers, met my half-sisters and learned that I had an older, full sibling who died shortly after birth. I can't tell you how much it meant to me.

When I called his widow (2nd wife), I prepared a whole speech explaining who I was and why I was calling. She immediately said - why did you take so long to call. I arranged a visit, asking if she thought it appropriate to meet my half-sister who lives in the same town. A very nervous ride and then immediate welcome. I later met my other surviving sister. They had photos of me as a baby which I had never seen: my sisters didn't know that they were photos of their brother.

Long story but don't wait till it is too late. You won't forgive yourself.

Answer 3

Send him the letter and pictures. You may have a chance to meet many others from your family that you do not know. Even ask if you can meet for coffee somewhere. Please send the documentation that you are basing your genealogy on along with the letter to assuage any fears he may have that this is a gold digger of some sorts.

Answer 4

you are obligated to contact this man. you say he is 80? think of how he would feel to know that he has a grandchild he hasn't met? you too could be at an easier point in your life knowing your family. there may be something that you both really missed out on that could make your life better. how would you feel meeting your grandchild for the first time at 80?? it might be overwhelming. it's family

Answer 5

I say, as does everybody else it seems, go for it. It could be that as time passed he forgave his son (your Dad), but couldn't find him to tell him.Therefore, he might have been looking for family members as well. Send him names, birthdates, etc. as well as the pictures in the letter so he will know you are honestly seeking him out (and not trying to be a gold-digger as someone else said) and want to get to know him.
I had a similar situation--I had some half-brothers who I tried to contact when I was younger, but I never heard from any of them. One lived about an hour away from me, in fact. To make a long story short, I didn't know he had any children until this news story came out about 2 years ago in December about this 23 year-old girl who had been murdered because another woman wanted her unborn baby. After she was killed, the woman took the baby (who was still alive) and tried-- unsuccessfully-- to pass it off to her husband as their child. The murdered girl was my niece by that half-brother, and I missed out on 23 years of her life because he was too proud to write to me.
So, find your grandpa and get to know him while you can.

Answer 6

I would just send a letter explaining how you found him and if there was problem seeing him..if there isn't then you could bring pics...at 80 he's probably nearing the end and may think he is alone.

Answer 7

I think it's a good idea to meet him. He would be happy to hear from you. Old people are sentimental so i think that they will appreciate your effort of getting in touch with them. On your part I think it will also be a way to feel that you are complete as a human being. Do it now before it's too late. So will not have shoulda,woulda,coulda in the future...

Answer 8

I think you should def. write him. Think about it what if he wants to talk to you too. You never know unless you try. And if it dont work out at least you can say you tried. But im sure it will be good. I havnt ever seen my real father but he wants to meet me after 18 years so im giving him one chance. Im sure that you and your grandfather will get along just fine.

good luck

Answer 9

i say go for it. he's 80 and might not have that much family or friends left. give him you info so he can contact you again if he decides to because you never know it could work out and you may be able to make him happier durriing the time he has left on earth (i'm not trying to sound morbid). Good Luck!

Answer 10

What do you have to lose? He's at an age when many of us look back with some regret, and perhaps you would offer him a chance he never thought he'd have to meet his grandchildren. Go for it. If he's not interested, you haven't lost anything, and if he is, you've gained a grandpa! Good luck.