Should I get an engagement ring to please my mother?

Question

I've never wanted an engagement ring. I don't wear rings and think they're a waste of money (for me). Back in my 20s, I got engaged with no ring, which upset my mother. Now I'm in my 40s and will soon be engaged. I told my partner about my previous engagement sans ring.

He says he needs to get me a ring for two reasons: A. He want to be on good terms with my mother who is dealing with cancer and doesn't want to upset her. B. He's in his 50s and doesn't want to appear cheap to my family.

So, I'm going along with the ring to please my mother and partner. But I wanted to get some opinions on this.

Answer 1

I'd vote for no ring. If you're not a ring-wearer, and you don't need the traditional symbol of engagement, then there are gazillion things you can spend the money on. How about spending the money that would have gone toward a ring on an engagement party that your mom can help you plan? Or take a beautiful, professional engagement photo that you can have forever and you can present in a frame to mom? Or make a donation in honor of your engagement to your favorite charity or the cancer center in your area? By the way -- your honey sounds like a keeper -- what a kind, generous guy to want to make your mom happy while she is ill. Good luck and congrats!

Answer 2

Is there some other piece of jewelery that you enjoy wearing? Necklace or bracelet?

These are both also complete circles and could stand to signify your commitment to each other but not be a waste of money for you and your fiance.

I do not think that he should "waste" money on a ring that will not be enjoyed.

He can be on good terms with your mother by respecting your wishes and showing her that he values you and what you prefer.

If he is worried about appearing cheap to your family then perhaps he will be content with buying a beautiful diamond tennis bracelet or diamond necklace?

Answer 3

I didn't marry until my late 30s. I begged my now husband not to spend the money on an engagement ring. I was happy with a really nice gold band. I've always like the classy look of the simplicity of a band. He bought a diamond. I have to say that I am so happy to have his gift now. I wore the band out a year ago and had to have it repaired. We simply live and work a very busy life and never got it in until this past January. He surprised me. I was so overwhelmed at the emotions of getting my engagment ring back. Let him get you one. It's his gift to you.

Answer 4

If you don't wear rings, then what's the point of an engagement ring? You don't have to have one, and he's wasting his money on something neither of you really wants in order to impress or placate other people.

If you both decide it's worth it to put your mother's mind at ease because she's ill, then okay. Other than that...why?

Me? I'd probably tell him not to waste his money.

And this comes from a woman who adores rings...just not the sort people expect in an engagement ring.

Answer 5

Buy a nice, believable-sized cubic zirconia ring in gold or a cheaper metal. Take the money you would have spent on a ring and go on a nice trip. My husband put my ring on a credit card. He started school and I'm helping with bills. So I'm actually still paying for my ring and I got engaged 3 years ago! Yeah...go on vacation instead, but have a fake ring. Then everyone is happy.

Answer 6

I know in some traditions they wear the wedding ring as the engagement ring. I mean if you can't get out of wearing a ring then I guess make it signify something more. So buy it for your engagement but then wear it as your wedding ring once done.

Answer 7

OK this is gonna sound wierd but, why doesn't he buy your mom a ring? Not being smart or anything hear me out.

He could buy your mom a nice ring and she could wear it for you. She could pass it on to you later on. He could tell her that he wanted to buy you one but, since you will never wear it anyway he thought this would be a nice gesture to ask for your hand in marriage from her. Just instead of you wearing the ring, she can.

I asked a couple that had tatooed wedding bands about the tatooed wedding bands versus metal ones and that's what this guy did for his fiancee (her mom only had a few months to live) He said that she adored the ring until she passed on. The lady still has never worn her engagement ring but, she has it to give to her daughter one day.

Answer 8

How do you feel about necklaces? Could you get a necklace instead or just wear the ring on a necklace? You need to do what will make you comfortable. You're an adult, don't let your mother bully you. If he wants to buy you a ring to please your family he seems insecure, especially if your family knows you don't really like rings. Maybe he could spend the money on a really nice honeymoon if he wants to impress them. Shouldn't his respecting your opinions impress your mother more than his going against them?

Answer 9

Don't get it solely for the purpose of pleasing everyone else, but it would be meaninful to get a dainty, small little band to symbolize the gesture if you wanted to. Your ring doesn't have to be a huge, over the top ring if that's not your thing! Personally I love the wedding bands with diamonds (or another stone of your liking) in it, with maybe a pretty engraving on the inside! Go for sentiment over flash. And congratulations on your engagement!

Answer 10

My fiancee insisted on a ring too but since I work with my hands I can't wear them that often.

Make him happy and let him buy you a ring....then do like I did and go get a gorgeous chain for around your neck that you can wear it on. It was a great compromise for us because I can still wear my ring when he really wants to see it but I have a safe place to store it during work that is close to my heart.

You can compromise on the price too by choosing a gemstone or a white sapphire over a diamond. I am not a ring wearer but it was important to my fiancee and my family so I gave in. It makes him happy to see his ring on my finger sometimes and what can be more valuable than your love's smile?