its more the thought of being pregnant and all the changes and the fights we get into right now. I think he wont support me during my pregnancy and i love sex so much that i cant imagine not wanting it or nat being able to have it. Not to mention the constant 24/7 attention i dont want to throw my life away for 18+ years. I want to get married and move to the country and live with my husband and me. It seems like i'm not enough for him like he'd love the baby more than me. i just dont know what to do or what to say to him. someone please help.
2007-06-27 14:55:15 · 12 answers · asked by Jennifer B 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Next time he brings it up you need to just flat out say so so that he knows.
ETA: brevejunkie, not wanting children is a perfectly valid reason for not having children, no matter why you don't want them. Not everyone has to have children, and noone should have to do something thats going to affect their life in such a huge way if they don't want to.
2007-06-28 01:33:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to guess that you might be on the young side... Well, having children isn't for everyone and it's good that you at least at this stage in your life have aknowledged that you do not want children or I think it would be better to say that you "Arent ready" for children... Sex isn't the only thing that defines a relationship, and as you get older and mature sex isn't the glue that holds you together.. It's other things about your signifanct other and the times you spend together.. Having children isn't "throwing your life away" it's a wonderful experience, I love my children and I love my husband.. He's been a changed man since we've had children.. We dated for 12 yrs + before we got married.. We both knew that we wanted the same things and to have a family... We still love each other and in fact our love has grown since we've had children... I think that in your stage of life you're just being selfish and that's ok.. However, if these feelings persist you may end up losing this particular boyfriend, if he wants a family and you do not.. I don't think that it's fair to assume that your bf won't support you during a pregnancy, men may seem tough on the outside, but when it comes down to it they are real softies especially where pregnant woman are concerned- My husband was awesome.... He supported me and our bond is very strong... But you should express your feelings to your bf, he needs to know that he might need to move on if you indeed do not want the same things in your relationship... good luck
2007-06-27 15:06:37 · answer #2 · answered by pebblespro 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you aren't ready for kids you really need to talk to your husband. Bring the subject up when he is in a calm peaceful manner, maybe at dinner. Then just tell him how you feel your thoughts and fears and your dreams about your relationship. Don't ever jump into kids if you have second thoughts about it because it is a big responsibility. I can understand about being scared about children, but the more educated and the more resources that you find to read do help put the fears aside. Your husband will love you no matter what or he wouldn't be your husband and he will love the baby too. He will always love you as much as he does now, but it probably won't be shown as much because you won't have the time with the baby in your life. From all the emotion that you have written in your questions you really need to talk with him.
2007-06-27 15:01:02 · answer #3 · answered by shalealor 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just being truthful, you sound a bit young. That and the fact that he's your boyfriend as opposed to husband (is he really husband material w/all the fights you get into? that should be your first discussion before children, I think)
Let me tell you, I never wanted to have kids, let alone get married!
Now I've been married for 15 years and have 3 kids (and would have more if money allowed!).
Time changes you, age changes you; and some day you may meet a man you're willing to change just a little bit for (ok, having children is not a "little" change, but you know what I mean)
I hope you find a good man who has the same ideas and values as yourself. Marry him, spend time w/him, get to know him--it's ok to be selfish early into a marriage: take vacations at the drop of a hat, stay out late, sleep in later...be yourselves with each other before you bring another little life into your fold.
2007-06-27 16:00:51 · answer #4 · answered by Hillary 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you don't want children and your boyfriend does then I don't advise the two of you marrying. There is nothing wrong with wanting to live childlessly in a marriage I know a few couples who do and they are very happy. I don't think it wise to bring children into the world to raise if you really don't want them. It COULD be that you will change your mind later in life but then again you may not. If you don't want children but enjoy sex then I suggest YOU be responsible for birth control that includes INSISTING your partner wear a condom or no sex at all.
2007-06-27 15:01:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
How old are you? When i was in my early 20's i felt the same way, but in my late 20's my mind changed. If you are young, i wouldn't worry about it just yet and see what happens.
A baby should be added to your family not used to complete it. If you are having serious doubts about your boyfriend suporting you etc. I would suggest finding someone who will support you, and make you feel like you are enough.
If having a baby is not for you, that is ok. There is no rule that says you have to.
Also remember love should feel great not be difficult and make you doubt yourself.
2007-06-27 15:10:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are men out there that do not want children too. DO NOT MARRY SOMEONE THAT WANTS KIDS.
It is not fair to either of you. This is a HUGE issue and will not just go away. My brother got divorced after 11 years cause his wife said she would have kids and had no intention on actually having them. Now they are both pressing 40 and dont have kids or each other..
There are some issues that are just show stoppers and that is one of them .
2007-06-27 16:12:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk. But don't attempt to change his mind. Staying in a relationship where one person wants children and the other does not is not being fair to each other. Whichever way it ends someone will feel cheated and that is not a way to remember your lives together. Let him know that you choose not to and you won't be changing your mind and that you respect his decision. Then you two can move forward in your chosen directions.
2007-06-27 17:32:53 · answer #8 · answered by MJ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're too selfish to have children. Tell him now how you feel about babies, and hopefully he'll leave you for someone better. Sorry if I sound unkind, but really--"constant 24/7 attention" "not wanting to have sex" and "throwing my life away for 18+ years" are not valid reasons.
2007-06-28 05:37:32 · answer #9 · answered by brevejunkie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think you are being a little bit selfish, not only to your partner but to yourself as well, you might say that you don't want kids now but you will most likely change your mind in the future, if you and your partner want different things from life then i don't think you will last a life time anyway. and as far as it goes about your husband loving a baby more than you that's just crazy, you would be the mother of his child and i think he would love you more for giving his child life and giving him something that you could both share,
2007-06-27 15:06:40 · answer #10 · answered by cherie w 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋