Will I have to live the rest of my life like this?

Question

I am one of those types of people who has few if any friends, never had a girlfriend and never had sex. I'm in my early 30's, so I'm pretty much a loser by society's definition of a loser. I didn't choose the fear of social situations. I think that my uneasiness shows and people just don't want to get to know me so then I feel more depressed and a vicious cycle is created. I am an extremely lonely person and I feel as if everyone is better than I am. Maybe I feel that way because I really am a loser. I probably have about 50 years left on this earth. When I die and go to heaven, will all of these bad feelings I have go away and will I finally be able to connect with people there? I feel like nothing is ever going to change on this side of the grave.

Answer 1

You are never to old to change your behavior. You simple need to begin with the first step. I suggest you stop calling yourself names, you are only a loser if you choose to be. You are only uneasy in social situations if you allow your self to feel that way.
Start tomorrow with a new attitude. Set a goal, today is will thing good things about myself, only good things. Tomorrow I will go out in public and make appropriate eye contact with people. The next day smile at ten people, the next say Hi to ten. The next, say great weather or nice shirt, or any other two word phrase to a stranger. The next day go where you know an acquittance will be and start up a conversation, just three of four exchanges. Each day set a high level goal and keep up the good thoughts. At the end of the month, your attitude will be better and confidence will build.

Remember people are drawn to positive and friendly people.

Answer 2

Have you ever been evaulated for social anxiety disorder? I think you should be. Counseling and medication can really help.

Also, you need to find a way to boost your self esteem and self confidence. Seeking counseling is a step in the right direction.

Remember this...we are all created equal and we will all die equal. No one is a born loser. You only lose when you stop fighting. If you fall, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again. Don't get discouraged. Keep a positve attitude.

I think you will find that if you can find that boost, you can change your life. It's in your hands...but there is help available. The question is...can you ask for it? The resources are there...use them. Talk to your doctor.

Start getting involved in activities. Some really good ones are working with the poor, the disabled and the elderly. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Work a holiday at a soup kitchen. Volunteer at the Red Cross. There are millions of opportunities and many people just like you have used them to enhance their lives. I believe you can do the same. Good luck and God bless.

EMT

PS I'm a drunk that went back to school and became an EMT after years of drinking and living in a marriage that had gone to hell. I made changes and I'm happy. I'm also sober 15 years.

Answer 3

Hi. You are NOT a loser, unless you want to be. I'm sure you have very good qualities. It's just hard for you to see them. Don't be so hard on yourself. Get a psychiatrist and counselor. Also, you may need some med.'s. They will help, some. You also have to help yourself. You definitely sound like you have depression. Study and apply positive thinking and building your self esteem. As well as, conversation builders and public speaking. Also, get out, do something, talk to people (okay not everyone is going to want to talk. So talk to the ones who are willing. Remember, conversation works both ways. Find out what their interest are and tell them yours. Lots of people like to talk about themselves. You could also try complimenting them. Etc.), think about things that interest you or you may want to try. Then do them. The things you can change, that you don't like. Change if possible. You are the only one who has the real ability to do this. GL

Answer 4

maybe go to a life coach. i have a way to make u feel better....this guy who used to date my mom in high school is in his 50's with no wife or kids, and he just sits at home and gambles online all day. u know how i know this? because he keeps annoying me and my mom. they are still "friends", but he annoys us. anyways....knowing that there is someone in a worse situation always makes me feel better. even though im 17, i do realize that ur life is what u make of it. for example, some people at my prom were saying that it was horrible and some(like me) thought it was amazing. and that is because the people who had a good time got up to dance(im a bad dancer but i still tried), and the others just sat. i now realize that all the dances ive gone to in my life before were boring because I DIDNT get up. so i think you should just forget about being "a loser" the past 30 years, and change it. its not too late!

Answer 5

You will only if you choose to be that way...

Forget societal demands. Honestly though, friends are golden. Your perception of people seems to be getting you down. Hey, I go see a psychologist, and I reside on the opposite spectrum from you. Nice to talk to someone.

Do you work? I found that, although monotonous, it forced my loner *** to be around people. So what, we "chit-chat" about nonsense and mundane, physical things (such as the weather), but honestly, it forced me to get up and out! I am one that needs my mind occupied. I met great friends too.

Bottom line is, you are NOT alone. Funny how I feel like you sometimes, but I am 25, with loads of men (seriously), a decent job and apartment...yet, something feels, oh, unfulfilled? Yes, that is the right word.

And hey, the internet is booming with friends...

Answer 6

If only it were as simple as the other answers on here...

I know how it is to be a "loser" and that it's impossible to just "get over it" or "think positively." There are ways to improve how you see yourself, but the change won't happen overnight. The thing is, you need to break the cycle you've fallen into; you need to recognize when you think negative things about yourself and understand that they are a delusion (what you see in yourself isn't necessarily what other people see, but they will see your anxiety and decide to avoid you.) Once you recognize the negative thoughts, you need to force yourself to stop thinking about them. The thing is, because of your experience with these hardships in life, you understand more than 99% of the population that have it so easy that it's sickening. Like I said, you can't change things overnight, but they can change with time, you just need to try. If you'd like more detail about how all this works, just email me through my profile on here...

Answer 7

try getting involved in church or community activities, you just need to break out of your shell and let people see what a great person you are.
maybe you could join a volunteer program. just get out there and get active! you will meet new people and your experiences will be rewarding.
if you dont feel you can go at it alone, take a friend.
good luck! =]

Answer 8

If you do nothing to change or improve yourself, then yeah, you have a long time of more of the same.
There is hope out there, but you have to reach for it.

Answer 9

stop feeling sorry for yourself and get out and meet people...don't be a wall flower, be yourself and if people don't like you it their problem... go dancing if none ask you to dance.. just get on the floor and dance with yourself.. stop worring what others think and do what you enjoy.. once you let go you see there alot peeps like you and enjoy samethings...and wanta be with you...

Answer 10

Go see a doctor. You probably can be helped with medication or diet.