I've been with this guy for a long time. People are telling me he's not right for me. My family, and others. Even my children (they're grown) said they didn't like him. He's a loner and doesn't like children, is totally helpless, but he is nice to me and I was in an abusive relationship for 21 years. I'm 49 and a realist. I know there aren't going to be a lot of guys out there, although people say that I am pretty and could get anyone, I know there are a lot of pretty women younger than me and I don't like to be in a horse race. I should risk trying, shouldn't I? He's the only guy I've dated since my divorce 8 years ago.
2007-06-27 09:47:35 · 21 answers · asked by lavenderbluelassie 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If you love him then stay with him
2007-06-27 09:49:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People can say what they want but If you and he are happy with each other then that is all that matters . I was in an abusive relationship(17 years ago , 2 adult children ) too and people always tell me that I could do better as far as finding a new man because the one I chose is not up to their standards . Let them have their say but in the end it is up to you . Why is it that people always say there is always someone better? Yes it is true but at the same time their is no guarantee that he will treat you better than who your with .
Good Luck
2007-06-27 10:30:44 · answer #2 · answered by Constance M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you need to drop him. If you were completely sold on this cat you wouldn't be asking about what to do....you would just be happy. You have clearly shown you have the ability (or gift shall I say) of astute outward self-observance. The facts are : You're last relationship was long and abusive, you haven't dated around much after that (so it seems), your dearest friends object (friends don't benefit from your being miserable-they speak the truth), and you obviously have enough self worth/respect to be questioning your relationship. It is almost as if you already know how much your worth and deserve a real catch of a man. Everyone does. I really believe matches exist, people who fit other people like gloves. They aren't easy to find but they exist.
Don't be dishearten by the age worry. Listen up, It's better to be alone and happy them settled and miserable. That's not to say you will STAY alone. Keep your head up and your eyes open babe. Look, your 49 attractive, sweet, looking to care for someone and to be loved. Why is it so implausible to think that there isn't a man out there like that too?
Don't be silly. Be sexy, and proud.
Best of luck.
P.S Sorry for sounding like a cheese advice colum, it just came out that way.
2007-06-27 10:00:06 · answer #3 · answered by zatoichison 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
totally helpless? You can find someone at your age, their are a lot of divorces going around and you might meet a great guy still, I have lots of hope for you. but if the guy is totally helpless do you really want to have to do everything for him? Don't just settle because you think he's the best you can get, do it because you know you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him.
2007-06-27 09:52:32 · answer #4 · answered by marissaklump2004 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you know the answer to your own question. Just b/c he is your first relationship since your divorce does not mean you need to be tied down to him. I think you know its not meant to be and you do not need to settle. Mr. Right may not come right away, but he is out there, Everything happens for a reason. Its time you do something for yourself. Ditch him and stay single for a little while. You do not NEED a man, there are toys out there to fill the gap in which only a man can fill. Good luck- Follow your heart!!!
2007-06-27 09:53:52 · answer #5 · answered by CNJ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If people that close to u especially ur own kids are telling u he's not good.. then chances are that there is something there that ur just not seeing.. Blinded by love could be a possiblity. Don't settle for only this guy, test the waters and you may surprie yourself! Good Luck
2007-06-27 09:54:14 · answer #6 · answered by H&Co. 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you've been brainwashed by YOU! Your abusive marriage somehow has convinced you that you don't deserve better than what you have and that's not the case!!! Maybe if you can find the strength in you to end it with him and stand on your own two feet you can see that you do deserve better and once that's happened you'll have a quiet confidence in yourself that will attract the kind of person you DO deserve :)
2007-06-27 09:53:18 · answer #7 · answered by Lala 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no one can see the future, if you are comfortable around him , satisfy yourself. looks begin to fade the older a person gets and you can't use that as a selling factor anymore unless you are a prostitute. find the joy in your life and go from there, not other peoples opinions. coulda, shoulda , woulda. there are very few "cute" women at 49 years of age, it's a fact of life, getting anyone is shallow, you couldn't get anyone for the past 21 years that you stayed in that abusive relationship. you probably can't now either. like the guy who is bald and thinks ; if I had hair I could get lots of azz, but the fact usually is that he didn't do that either when he had lots of hair. good luck........P.S. his name isn't chuck is it, lol
2007-06-27 10:00:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
What do you think of him? Will he there for you for a long time? Does it matter that he's not good with children?
He's part of this as much as you are if you've been with him for a long time... Figure out if you want each other for the rest of however long you have and then decide...
2007-06-27 09:52:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
nothing says "forever" like two codependents clinging to each other for fear of being "alone". you've decided that its better to be in a relationship with an ill-matched mate just as long as the mate has a pulse. how couldn't this last forever?
as long as you tie yourself to this dead horse, you'll never be able to find happiness. you're settling and settling rarely brings happiness.
2007-06-27 09:51:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here's what I think hunnie, and it's a win-win situation. Start searching around for other guys, if you find someone better leave the guy you're with, and if you can't, then you know you've got the best out there!
2007-06-27 09:51:10 · answer #11 · answered by jes1219 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋