Am I being Taken advantage of?

Question

My fiancee works full time as a nursing asst. I am a stay at home "fiancee" I clean and cook and take care of our 4 cats all day.

As soon as I wake up my fiancee wants me to make him food and make lunch for him for work and get salt water to soak his sore feet in. I dont even walk out the bedroom door without a list of commands from him. He gets mad at me when I say I have something else to do first (like go to the bathroom or take my pills)

He also expects me to whip up dinner with 5 mintues notice. He never says thank you and just expects everything to be done. He makes a huge mess all the time and never even tries to clean up after himself. Then he gets mad when I clean up and he cant find something that I put in its rightful place! No matter what its my fault.

I feel like he doesnt understand what I do, I know he cant do what I do because his mother always did everything for him so he doesnt know how to clean or organize. Am I being stupid about this?

by the way I have a lot of depression and health problems so everyday things are really hard for me....which he also doesnt understand.

Answer 1

yep yep dump him:) ur supposed to be his wife-to-be not his friggin slave! ur supposed to enjoy ur marrige/relationship. he sounds just mean. i wanna slap him.

Answer 2

Good thing you are not married yet! Wow - this may be a warning for you. Sounds like he wants a maid and cook, not a wife. I am not saying you shouldn't be doing those things, but the attitude and expectation that is being expressed by him is way off base. Shame on his ungrateful spirit. I have been a wife, and stay at home mom for 20+ years, and I love it. I do the traditional house work (I am pretty old fashioned/traditional - not a womens liber at all), but I do not believe that just because a women "isn't working outside the home" that she would be a door mat! Some men abuse "traditional roles" in regards to a women being submissive. They forget to read the command before being a helpmate , for "men to love their wives as Christ loves the church". If he is not treating you and loving you in a respectful and gentle way now as your fiance the chances of it as your husband are even less. The fact that his mother babied him and didn't prepare him to be a thoughtful, contributing man makes it all the worse. I would seriously address these issues with him, be sure they get resolved, see definate changes or truly reconsider becoming his wife. My best thoughts to you for strength to know and do the right thing.

Answer 3

It sounds like he has it made!

Surely, you can do a lot better for yourself than this? I am not talking about your relationship, but rather your own life. Would you like to perhaps do something that might give you your own sense of pride in what you do all day?

If this is the way you have chosen to live, then of course he's going to take advantage of it!

I think that you may need to stand up for yourself and do something that will increase your own self-confidence. You need to get a job, start some schooling... or if you don't want to do either of those.. volunteer somewhere where you can really make a difference. If he has a problem with you doing any of those things.. then he really should go back home to his Mother.

Answer 4

It is not unreasonable when one partner works and the other doesn't to expect the stay-at-home partner's "job" is home maintenance and all that goes with it. Otherwise the stay-at-home partner is the one taking advantage of the working partner - or leeching off him/her.

That said, however, it sounds like you are involved with someone who may have some issues you should consider before making a lifetime commitment to this person:

1) is he a control freak?
2) is he a spoiled little mama's boy?

Neither of these makes for a good companion.

The control freak will eventually take over every aspect of your life and you will be miserable as a consequence. The spoiled little mama's boy will forever compare you to mama (and believe me, you will never measure up!) and you will be miserable as a consequence.

You need to take a long, hard look at your boyfriend to determine if he is either of these things. Then if you find that he is, you need to seriously consider if you want to stay in a relationship where you will likely not find happiness and/or fulfillment.

Answer 5

I can relate to your problem very well.
My fiance makes a great wage for what he does. He only needs to work 12 hours a week to make his salary, but other than that, he's on call and hardly gets called out. So basically he plays video games while making $50,000+ a year!
I do everything around the house and I do have an 8 year old to take care of.
I try not to complain, since he does pay most of the bills, but how can he expect me to pay the rest when I'm not making anything for cleaning and cooking?
I often feel taken advantage of.
If you need to talk more about this, feel free to email me at [e-mail]. Maybe we can figure out, together, what to do about our situation!
Take care!

Answer 6

Nope, not at all. He is a snob and spoil. Sorry, hun, but you need a man where the both of you are working towards a common goal. You shouldn't be waiting on him hand and foot. If anything, since it is just the two of you, the house work should be at a minimum and you have 4 cats. Just think for a second, if you add 4 kids. Your life will become HELL!!!!!!

Either he take care of himself and help around the house or you need to find a way out.

Answer 7

Sounds like your a little princess. Your not even married with kids and your doing what exactly? Your watching cats all day! I am single, own my own home, cook, clean, do laundry, keep the yard looking nice, do the banking, and by the groceries all while having a FULL TIME JOB. I belive that he thinks since your not working that its your job to cook and clean. You should get a FULL TIME JOB and then you can split the housework and he will respect you.

Answer 8

Hmmm....if he is supporting you financially, then it puts you in an unfortunate situation of dependence on him. I am sorry about the depression, and I know a lot of people do not understand that it is a real disorder. I think you need to sit down with him and go over his expectations and your "job" responsibilities. Like any other job, you can choose to take on the woek, or not take on the work. Make sure that you are being valued for what you do and if you can't reach an agreement, then it is time to move on.

Answer 9

You are engaged to this person? Then I highly, highly recommend that you two get couples' counseling before you get married. There are way too many issues going on here to get any really good advice here. You need specific, objective, and individualized help from a professional mediator. You absolutely MUST resolve issues like this BEFORE you get married, or you're going to be on the fast track to a nasty divorce. A professional counselor can help you identify issues and problems in a safe and objective atmosphere, and help you come up with compromises and strategies for dealing with these issues and coming up with solutions. Make the appointment. Then tell your fiance that you are not happy with the way you are being treated, and tell him you want to go to a counselor for awhile before you will marry him. If he won't go, then go yourself. It will open your eyes. Remember: the way he is treating you now is likely how he will treat you when you are married. Are you willing to be treated like that the rest of your life?

Didn't think so.

Answer 10

This guy sounds like a grade "A" jerk. He is totally taking advantage of you and some of his behavior is abusive, like getting mad at you for needing to go to the bathroom or take your pills in the morning before making him food.

This guy sounds like a total user and it's only going to get worse after you're married. Once you're bound in that contract (and it will get even worse when you have kids) it's going to feel harder and harder to convince yourself to leave, and he will be well aware of that. He's looking for a doormat to do whatever he wants without asking for anything in return, and that's exactly what it sounds like you're being for him.

You said you suffer from depression, so I'm sure that there are times that you tell yourself that you're not good enough or that you won't do better than him, but that's not true. You do not deserve to be treated like this, no one does.

Answer 11

I think you just found the reason he is like this...his mother always did something for himself...your not his made your his future wife..how about some respect for yourself..you deserve that andyour own time a relationship means to compromise and share everything 50/50 he should be the one to cater to your needs as well. To show you he loves doing things for you. Hell id feel guilty and terrible if i was in a relationship and barked out orders...your not in the army..i would confront him before you marry this guy...it could lead to problems and divorce if you go thru with marriage..gl.